PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSe?

Question

GIVE THE FUNNIEST JOKE U GOT(I DON'T CARE IF IT IS A NASTY JOKE!!)

Answer 1

Why did the squirrel cross the road?

It wanted to commit suicide.

Answer 2

Two bats are hanging in their cave. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood."
The other bat is amazed and says, "Well, it’s a bit late. Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die." "Yeah, I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it."
So he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from his mouth.
"You lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick?" asked the second bat.
"You see that tree over there in the distance?" mumbled the bat, his mouth full of blood.
"Yeah, I think I do!"
"Well, I didn't."

Answer 3

I know a realy good one but some on might see it and take it off for report abuse.

Answer 4

a man walks into a bar with a lump of tarmac under his arm and says to the barman"a pint for me and one for the road"!

Answer 5

What does Hilary Clinton do in the morning when she's done shaving her Poosey?

Sends him to work. :-) ya'll didn't like that one here's another one

"Mr goodbar" wanted a "bit o honey"
so he took miss "hershey" around the "powerhouse" on "fifth avenue"
as he was feeling her "mounds"
his "butterfinger" slipped up her "milky way"
she let out a "snicker" it was quite an "almond joy"
and as she screamed "oh henry"
as she took his "peter paul"
and in 9 month was a "baby ruth"

all candy bars

Answer 6

Mike:: Count to 50 and ask me if i'm Superman.

Ike:1 ,2 ,3 ,4 ,5 ,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29.30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50. Are you Superman?

Mike: No.

Answer 7

A Blonde is walking down a country road. She spies another blonde in the middle of a field in a row boat rowing away...
She stops and yells at the other blonde ...
"It's blondes like you that give us a bad name....and if I could swim I'd come out there and kick your a $ $.
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A blonde went into the beauty parlor, wearing headphones, to get haircut. The beautitian tells to she has to remove the headphones. The blonde replies.."Oh I cant do that."
The beautitian sighs and goes about trying to cut her hair she finally gets it mostly done and tell the blonde in order to finish the haircut she has to remove the haedphones. The blonde thinks for a minute and removes them. After a few seconds the blonde passes out cold. The beautitian is frantic. She picks up the headphones and listens to whats playing on them......
"Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out......"

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Birthday Present
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real ***** tonight, Dave."

Answer 8

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for
a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

Answer 9

a mushroom walks into a bar,the bartender says hey you can't come in here the mushroom says why not i'm a fungi

Answer 10

i have had to pee for the last 30 min.s!, and you waste my time for this----i find that funny:)