I like this guy, and I think he used to like me, but I pushed him away because I was afraid..?

Question

I liked this guy and I'm pretty sure he was into me. We were the best of friends and saw a lot of each other since he was in almost all of my classes. When my friends told me that he was going to ask me to a dance, I kind of said 'psh, yeah right!' and they got word back to him, although I secretly wanted to go with him. I'm the type that will pretend to be the girl who doesn't have a crush on anyone and hates mushy-gushy stuff. But anyways, I think I might have hurt him, because after that we sort of kept our distances... and I still like him a lot. It's been a year since the dance incident, and we occasionally exchange a conversation together once a day, but not as often as we used to. I still feel the connection and chemistry, but I can't tell if he still does for me? Sometimes, I feel like he's moved on to another girl, who is my friend (plus I think she likes him, too, but she doesn't know that I do). I can't tell. I don't know if I'm ready for a boyfriend either.. but still.

And I'm afraid that if we do go out, something will go wrong and awkward, and we'll break up and never speak to each other again, or maybe feel awkward about each other, and I'd hate that.

I don't know, I feel like he's my perfect match sometimes, and sometimes I don't. He's on my mind constantly, and I still hope he'll forgive me for pushing him away. But, I don't want to hurt him again like I did that one time...

And like I said before, I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship. Would it make my life more complicated? Would it affect my school work? Would I become one of those girls who gets constantly jealous of their boyfriend talking to another girl? Plus, I don't have as many classes with him this year...

Half of me doesn't want me to like him anymore, and the other half does. I'm so messed up.

So, I guess what I'm asking is, if he ever comes to me again, should I turn him down again or give in? Or should I go to him and expose the myself, who really does have a crush and doesn't hate mushy gushy stuff, to all of my friends? Or should I just leave it be, and let it just be a crush, and hope it goes away and that I'll move on... even though I think that won't happen for at least another year?

Answer 1

First thing: Stop pretending to not have crushes on guys. Unless you're someone who plans to grow old and wear a shower cap around her house, you can't be like that. Eventually, word's gonna get out on the streets that you'll reject anyone, and I don't think you'd want that.

It's pretty hard for a guy to actually work up the courage to ask a girl out, even harder for one who he both likes and sees as the most beautiful. And it's much harder to take the answer "no." And even harder when you say it like you did.

I'm not 100% on this, but I'm gonna guess that he's still got a thing for you, even if you did turn him away. If you try hard enough and if you still want to get to know him, you can probably get him to forget all that you said. Just tell him your true feelings, and that you didn't mean what you did. An apology doesn't hurt.

I guess you can be scared of screwing up a relationship and getting hurt emotionally. And this isn't one of those things where "it doesn't hurt to try." I know that it would be hard to get over a breakup if you get into a deep relationship with someone. But follow your heart. You can't be afraid forever.

You might want to hurry up and make your mind if you're worrying about him getting another girl. And if you are worried, I think you do want him.

Good luck