long distance relstionship?

Question

there is a guy who lives in california. we have met a couple of times over the past couple of years...its my turn to go out and visit.
he tells me im cute and fantastic and wonderful...everything a guy should tell a lady if he likes them.
trouble is, theres 5,000 miles between us...im in london. he rings me all the time, like i do him. we write all the time and email too.
im just lost, ive told him i got feelings for him, he told me likewise.....has anyone ever found true love with the long distance thing? it is so frustrating we can be so close yet so far apart, physical and emotional being the hardest.
no bullshit please....am a single mom of 2 girls with a job, not a stupid tween or teen
thanks!

Answer 1

I think LD romances are hard because the romance can't move slowly. You can't experience the person day-to-day, so you don't know how they really are. There isn't a natural progression.
I met a guy that lived on the other side of the country. We had great phone conversations, and we had fun in person...but its fizzled because neither of us could move at the time and it was weird saying my bf lived in MA. We are friends still, but...someone will have to move eventually to see if you fit day-to-day. Is he single, no kids? Maybe he can come live in London for a few months and you guys can see how it naturally progresses.
Good luck. LD things are so challenging, but it can work out if you both want it to!

Answer 2

i don't know how well it works with having that at the beginning of a relationship - that is when you learn the most about a person. although you may have a leg up on the rest of us as you two HAVE to communicate. i tried it once and it didn't work for me. i needed more attention. keep in mind that my husband was only the 3rd guy i ever dated...
we initially worked together (and did for about 2 years while dating) so there was a pretty good amount of us time (he was a mechanic, i was a cashier so we were not together all the time at work)... since then he had joined the military... long distance is alright for us. we miss eachother a lot when he is gone, but we get through it. in fact sometimes it is wonderful to have time away from eachother (i like it better when he's somewhere i know he is safe, but i think you get the point).

"distance make the heart grow fonder" is a beautiful quote - though i don't think this is always the case. the one i tried this with i met over the internet and we met up a few times and talked all the time... i pretty much cheated on him and that is why i broke up with him. it is far easier (especially in a newer relationship when you don't spend a lot of time together) to cheat. i'm am not assuming or suggesting that either of you are, i am just saying it is easier.
you know better than anyone else what you can handle - if you two really want to be together - you both are obviously old enough for one of you to move. visas are available if neither of you want to petetion for citizenship. i would deffinately want to spend a long amount of time with him before i made any permanent decisions.

Answer 3

There are plenty of websites that do this, maybe not 5,000 miles but nearly the same. Long distance relationships can be tough, because most of the time how you feel isn't just in words, it's how you act. If you really love this guy, it'd be a great idea to keep this going, and possibly, get to a closer location to him. Long distance relationships do work, but you have to know that he loves you and vice versa.

Answer 4

It's easy to fall for someone you don't have to deal with on a regular basis. Calls, cards and email are all about fantasy. The problems you are facing are:
You don’t get to see what your partner is really like.
You avoid dealing with problem areas.
You have an unrealistic view of your compatibility.

If you've only met twice in 2 years, you might be wise to ask him to spend the summer in London in his own flat- not yours- and see if you feel the same when you're not on holiday together.
For it to work:
Don’t try to make every moment together special, but do normal things together. Don’t try to hide difficult parts of your personalities, but be yourselves. Don’t don't edit how you feel, but allow yourselves to communicate honestly and deal with conflicts as they come up.

Answer 5

I have seen them both fail and succeed in different circumstances. If both of you are really serious about each other and one of you is willing to move to the other side, I don't see any problem. I know of at least 2 people that got together, got married and are living together happily for a while now...

Answer 6

I really do feel for you. This must be very difficult. All I can say is that what you describe does not sound like much of a real relationship to me. It is a virtual relationship, but not really an intimate one. I don't think I could hold out like this for as long as you have. It must be exhausting. And is it keeping you from really committing to and exploring your real world?

Answer 7

Speaking from experience as a person over 40,if he truly cares for you he should relocate,you should NOT uproot your girls and your home for anyone!!However a visit to Cali would be a change from England ! Good Luck

Answer 8

Long distance relations require ALOT of trust, communication, faith, etc...

I know how people say "It'll never work out"

But if you two are strong enough to not let the distance get to you....you two will be one of the lucky ones!

Answer 9

I've never done it personally, but are either of you in the situation that you can move? You will have to either get closer together eventually or break up. I wish you all the best.

Answer 10

Have you thought about moving to Cali? or maybe him moving to London? You guys should talk and see where the relationship is going to go. It's better to talk about it now, before you get too involved.