boyfriend joined the navy but has cheated on me?

Question

me and my bf are child sweethearts and i am madly in love with him. he was the most caring man in thr world. we are both 19 and have been together for 6 years. he has always wanted to join the navy and knew how much id miss him but there was no way i could stop him this was his dream. the week before he left we had the time of our lives and he promised me he would stay faithful and next year we would get married. hes just returned from a six monthe deployment and he told me that whilst being away he had slept with another woman. he said it meant nothing and that it was beacuse he needed to be with a woman. whilst telling me he broke down nearly crying. he said he loved me and i was everything to him. i told him it was over. 2 days later his sister phoned me and told me i had to take him back and he had said if i left him he would leave the navy. i dont want him to do that because i care for him but my head is so messed up.pls help

Answer 1

you need to calm youself first, and maybe even take notes on what exactly you want to say and then talk to him yourself. you absolutely do not have to take him back - he lied to you and cheated on you. trust is what relationships are built upon and he just did the two worst things to break that trust.

he cannot just leave the navy either - he has a contract with them and they can put him in military jail if he goes AWOL (absent without leave). he has to finish out his contract before he can leave, so that should give him time to straighten himself out.

you do not need to cowtow to his sister. she is concerned for her brother, and that is very nice of her - but it is not your responsibility to keep him in the navy. he took all responsibility for his welfare away from you when he cheated on you. now it is up to you whether or not to forgive (you will never forget).

my neighbor has been married for 13 years and her husband cheated on her when they were first married. they do have a loving relationship, and as much as she protests that she trusts him - by the things she says i know she does not... at least 12 years later.
i could never live that way - i told my husband (who joined the navy after we had been together for about 3 years and is now in the army) when we first started dating that there were 2 things he could do and no matter what i would leave him - cheat on me or raise his hand to me.
you need to do what is best for you - he is an adult, he can do what is best for himself.

wow, after reading some of the other responses - please do not think that all men are like this, and do not think that all men in the military cheat on their wives - this is not true. it is also not an accepted behavior in the military anymore - it may have been years ago, but no longer.
do not let him turn you bitter - you are too young to live your life bitter and angry at all men because of 1 man.

Answer 2

I'm not in a position to tell you what to do, but here are a couple of things you should think about: 1) The recruiter is paid to put people in the military. Now I'm not gonna say that one would tell you an outright lie, but if the recruiter thinks that it may help in getting someone to join, why not BS the girlfriend a bit in order to gain her support. 2) Once a cheater, always a cheater. I never understood it myself, because sometimes one chick is more than enough for me, but some guys think they need three or four girls in order to prove their manhood. Some guys I served with joked about the international divorce line starting at Point Loma (the enterance to the San Diego Bay). Once they passed Point Loma on the way out, they considered themselves single and once they passed it coming in the were married again. 3) The Navy will offer your man many, many temptations. Many of the places the Navy goes are crawling with hookers and drunk tourists who are easy prey for one who is inclined to cheat on his significant other. It does not appear that you trust this man, and in my opinion rightly so. As I said, I can't make the decision for you but if you were my daughter I would advise you to dump this guy now. There are many other fish in the sea, no pun intended.

Answer 3

When you get a bunch of testosterone together and put it on a boat, guess what happens when that boat goes ashore. Loneliness and lust. He's a Navy man now. A lot of guys have fought off the urge the entire time. But most don't. If he's going to stay away in the Navy, what kind of relationship do you have anyway? Let him leave the Navy and then accept his apology. Don't make it a ultimatum, let him live his dream, but until he has time for you find yourself something/someone else to have a relationship with. That's just my opinion about it.

Answer 4

Personally, I would never cheat on my girlfriend, and if I found out she cheated on me it would be the end. I hate to say this but I think there is a double standard here. Men are much more prone to cheating, I think, because they are less capable of controlling their hormones. In your case I really do believe he is sincere because why else would have he offered you that information? If he didn't love you or care about you he would have kept it form you and tried to hide it as long as possible. Also, he definitely would not have been crying while he told you if he didn't care, unless he's a great actor or something. This guy is in the Navy and last time I checked our military isn't a bunch of "cry babies". Based on the aforementioned I would definitely give him another chance, but I would definitely make it clear that you are still pissed about the situation, otherwise he might think you are weak and he would even consider doing it again. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

If he loved you as much as you love him he wouldn't have cheated. You can't take him back just so he will stay in the navy. It isn't your responsibility to make sure he is taken care of anymore. He did fess up, I give him credit for that. He didn't have to tell you and you would have never known. I am sure you felt the need to be with a man while he was gone. Did you cheat also? I doubt it. If you want to give him another chance that is your choice. I have been in your shoes though. I tried to forgive my son's father for cheating. Everytime we would start kissing I would picture him kissing that other woman and I would just walk away. It's tough to forgive someone for betraying you in that way. Good luck on whatever you decide and if you do decide to stay you may want to find a good relationship counselor.

Answer 6

My childhood sweetheart and sons father went to the navy when i was 18. He also cheated on me, but i think that after being on a ship full of men for weeks at a time any man would want to be in the navy. Trust you are not the only one with this story plenty of people have been cheated on by the bf's husbands, wifes and gf's after being on a naval ship.

Answer 7

He can't just up and leave the Navy, it does not work that way. Personally, a cheater is a cheater. How on earth will you ever be able to trust him. I think you made he right choice and if he wants to screw-up his life by getting out of the Navy, that will be his business and you should not feel guilty about it.

Answer 8

I am shocked he told you he must really truly love you it can get pretty lonely over seas and i would give it another shot only if you think you can handle it but remember.

on the other hand there is no reason to cheat at all and i would never.

this time it is shame on him next time it will be on you so be sure it wont happen again if you get back together

Answer 9

You need to take a step back and see if you can move on or is he the one you want to be with. Then, if you decide to stay, make it crystal clear that you won't put up with something like this again and that you will leave him. But don't keep warning him and do nothing about it. If you do he'll think he can keep doing it and you'll never leave him.

Answer 10

he can't leave right away. i know the rule in navy. my bro in law is in navy. it's hard to leave him since you had been togerther for 6 years right. if i were you, i will let him go away from my life.
read again your sentence : because he needed to be with a woman. wow...unbelieveble. but it's up to you.
you can give him 1 more chance but do not decide to be married right now. ok ...don't get sad