my ex partner has contact with my daughter he works and pays no maintanance if i can i will drop her off or pick her up i have moved house no further away but he refuses to come and pick her he wants me to meet him half way but it wasnt a problem before,i dont wont to commit myself as i don always have fuel in my car all the time as i am on benefits as he is the one that works and pays nothing at all for her up bringing surely its up to him to pick his daughter.
2006-11-02 09:24:15 · 40 answers · asked by dina w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
IF HE WANT'S TO SEE HER MAKE HIM COLLECT HER , IF HE DO'ES NOT IT'S HIS LOSS
2006-11-02 09:25:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's got a flaming cheek ain't he?
Sorry I'd give him the address and say she will b ready at ???? time if you don't collect her then its up 2 you as you cant want 2 see your daughter very much if you don't.
Thing is he could say same to you about collecting her but if he does then next time say if you don't collect and bring her home then your have 2 have contact here.
Oh and tell him a bit of cash now and again wouldn't go a miss so you can get her something special some time's or take her out to the coast.
I'm not saying your daughter go's without but you never seem 2 have enough money with kid's do you lol.
He should be giving you money each wk for her so it wouldn't hurt here and there would it?
2006-11-02 09:40:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is difficult, your daughter is going to be the one that suffers in this though.
How come he pays nothing if he works? Is his maintenance assessment up to date?
He is obviously trying to be awkward, the hard thing is that non eof this is your daughters fault. My parents split when I was much younger and I will always remember that no matter what my mom didnt bad mouth my Dad and always let me see him despite everything. I think that she was the bigger person for that and will always be grateful that she didnt make it difficult for me.
The money aspect is the tricky bit here, you have no problem with taking her or him seeing her but you are on a budget.
Have you tried telling him that its not the dropping her off that is the problem but that you have a limited income to supply yours and her needs and thus cant guarantee that when the time comes that you will have enough petrol to do the trip?
I know you have probably already tried, however explain in a non accusatory way to explain. Inform him that while he is not in the position to pay maintenance due to his circumstances, you are not in the position to be able to ensure the petrol money due to yours as other things are more of a necessity. Then the ball is in his court as they say, you cant be any fairer than that.
Best of luck.
2006-11-02 09:35:43 · answer #3 · answered by mjastbury 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I speak from experience ... my has given me maybe $800 in the 6 years we have been divorced ... as long as your ex is a fundamentaly decent person ... even if he's wrong about not giving you money ... you should do what you can to promote him having a relationship with your daughter.
The theory behind this is ... if you take the high road for a while, and don't get into fights about money and all ... he might respond to your cooperative spirit and step up to the plate financially.
Sometimes when you trust someone to do the right thing, they will, even if it takes a while.
That's how it was with my ex. But then, he's a nice guy even if he's broke.
But you know who you are dealing with better than I do, so you should be the judge, I just want to encourage cooperation and flexibility between parents, because it's such a gift to a child to have parents who can be nice to eachother.
Good luck
2006-11-02 09:46:58 · answer #4 · answered by mariamcm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have to do this!
If he wants to see his daughter so much then he should make the effort to do so.
Don't say to him that you cant see her if you dont come to get her, just tell him that you cant get to the meeting place so should we rearrange, you will then see how much he will want to see his daughter, any normal loving caring father would say no I want to see her I will come and collect her.
This man sounds very selfish and there must be a way of getting maintanance out of him, ill look into it and ill let you know if I can find anything out
2006-11-06 01:04:32 · answer #5 · answered by Natalie K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay friends with him because you have to get on for your daughters sake. She needs him aswell. Tell him your situation and how desperate it is and appeal to his better side to help with his daughter, he will come around. I don't know what the circumstances of her conception were. Perhaps there is a lot of bitterness involved. I know more than one woman who deliberately got pregnant to keep a man, I'm not saying that's what happened here though. Maybe he feels responsibility isn't his. Is there any reason this might be? Try telling him you have no problem with him seeing her as much as he wants but you just cant afford to assist in that but he's welcome to come over. Stay nice
2006-11-02 09:42:28 · answer #6 · answered by Yeah yeah yeah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to see her and really spend time with her, he needs to make an effort to come and see her. He shouldn't be such a jerk, he knows that you are raising a child on your own, which is hard in the first place, and he isn't contributing towards her well being. To me it sounds like he don't care! Take his dead beat a.s.s to Dr Phil because he needs a reality check! You even said that you don't have gas sometimes, what is he doing with his damn money? Obviously not spending it on the child he helped you create. Get a court order and fast! What is it with some men that make them think just because they broke it off with you they don't have responsibilities? I'll pray for you and your precious child!
2006-11-02 09:36:53 · answer #7 · answered by Pinky Dinky Doo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a real loser!Same as my sons dad except i work full time and have a great man in our lives now. No you dont have to let him see his daughter,,,if he doesnt want to pick her up then screw him. Hes not paying anything for her?? My question is why not? You didnt put him in child support?? I would take his *** through the courts and get everything i could from him,,find yourself a job and put your daughter in day care or how ever old she is. I wouldnt let him see her for nothing. He doesnt deserve to be in her life. Hes a dead beat dad. He shouldnt have any rights to her. Take care of yourself and your daughter alone,,,work 5 jobs if you have to,,to better your lives without him. You can do it!!
2006-11-02 09:31:46 · answer #8 · answered by michelle 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Refuse access ... let him take you to court for visiting rights .. and at the same time they will contact the csa . I know as ur on benefits you wouldn't see any of the payments .. but if you worked at least 17 hrs a week you could get family tax credit etc and any payments from the csa would be yours as they don't take it in to consideration when working out ur credits
2006-11-02 09:31:36 · answer #9 · answered by kirsty d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, make him come collect her if he wants to see her. What a cheek about him not paying maintenance either. I highly recommend you go seek some advice on getting him to pay maintenance. Why should you (who does not receive much income) pay all the expenses for bringing her up when he has a job and can afford to contribute! Don't let him bully you into having things all his own way!!
2006-11-02 09:34:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter needs to have a proper relationship with her father. You need to talk to your ex, and tell her that he has to contribute towards her in terms of maintenance as it's only fair. I would even consider taking court action...
As for the issue of taking her to see her father - tell him that if he wants to see her, he should either pay you the money for fuel, or come and pick her up himself.
2006-11-02 09:30:38 · answer #11 · answered by Strange1am 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋