What would you do, if your 4 year old daughter was touched under her underwear by a 6 year old boy at daycare?

Question

This evening my daughter told me that a boy at her daycare put his hand down her pants and touched her pee pee. I called her daycare lady already and told her what had happened, she asked the boy and he admitted to what he had done. Now what should I do? Was she traumatized from this? Should I talk to the boy's parents? The daycare giver had already talked to his mom about the situation. But I don't know what I should do. I don't know if I should take her to the doctor? If it was him just being a kid or what?

Answer 1

Report it!!!

Your daughter was molested!! It does not matter that the assailant was 6 years old. If anything that should be putting up more red flags that he has likely done it before and something has likely been done to him in the first place!

I would call the authorities. You have no idea what a 4 year old will remember. I remember dodging flying dishware when my parents had a fight, I remember having my shirt flipped over my head by an older cousin (long sleeved so my arms would get stuck). These things bothered me at that age. It has taken years of therapy for these and other issues.

If your daughter looks back on this and you do nothing she could hold it against you. It is not simply a matter of him being a kid. Kids get the ideas for what they do from things they see or experience.

Answer 2

I feel for you as this is a very sensitive set of circumstances that have to be handled carefully. Is it abuse or merely curiosity? Impossible to say and you must decide how forceful you need to be with the daycare folks and the boy's parents. Most important is your daughter--how did she raise the issue with you? Was she in tears, laughing, somewhere in between? How did it affect her? Was she traumatized or did she not really care? We have fraternal twin 4 1/2 year olds and they are constantly poking, touching and grabbing each other in the privates, no matter how much we do to discourage that behavior. At the same time, it makes me very uncomfortable that an unrelated 6 year old would do this to a 4 year old; what are they doing in the same daycare environment in the first place? You need to decide how to deal with all involved third parties, my advice is to let your daughter help you figure out how to make things right for her, which is the most important consideration here.

Best of luck!

Answer 3

That's hard to say. I would talk to the daycare provider again and ask what is being done about it. She cannot just talk to the mom and then forget about it. Either rules need to be established, or she needs to keep a better eye on them, etc. I would be firm to her about having to keep a better eye on the children. She needs to reassure you that it WON'T happen again.

It is hard to say if it was pure curiosity, or the fact the boy is being abused. But there is nothing you can do about the boy, only have the daycare watch them better and establish better rules. If it happens again or really bothers you, I would ask for a camera to be installed so parents can watch video tapes of the daycare during the day. If there's some sort of violation going on.

You can also file complaints within your state you're in. You can call CPS (Child Protective Services) and tell them what happened. It sounds like an isolated incident so no police reporting would likely happen. I doubt your daughter was traumatized by that experience, maybe you more than her? But you do need to teach her that it was wrong for that boy to do and to run and tell a teacher next time it's happening and that it's not her fault! You don't want her to feel shameful. You can approach it with questions. How did it make you feel (icky, I didn't care, nothing, bad, etc). I can suggest a few books if you like or need about touching.

Yes, you can take her to the doctor, tell the dr. what happened and have her checked out asap. It will be recorded that way and the doc can reassure you of how bad/or not it is.

Answer 4

Why wasn't the daycare teaches watching the children for this to have happened? If it were my daughter I would be trying to not only hold the boy responsible but the daycare as well, because their job is to watch the children and what they are doing. YOu also need to talk to the parents to see what their thoughts are about the situation. Regardless you should seek legal advice on the matter to see where you should stand and what questions you should be asking. Good Luck and I hope that your daughter will be okay!!!

Answer 5

Relax. It's probable that more trauma will be expereinced by your daughter from the adults in this situation overreacting, than by the incident itself.

Do take it seriously, but remember to remain calm and as unemotional about this as you can as you discuss this with your daughter, the daycare provider and/or the boy's parents.

Others here have given some good advice about how to handle it, so I won't repeat that here. But don't escalate this incident needlessly - investigate calmly and rationally, then, if necessary take appropriate action. Don't go calling the police, or yanking your daughter out daycare or threatening the boys parents because of this one incident unless your investigation reveals it's more to it than curiousity.

I think too many parents over-react in situations like this, which turns it into a traumatizing situation for the children, and turns those children into over-reacting adults when they grow up.

But don't blow it off, either.

Answer 6

part of it is just him being a kid. so long as his parents talk to him about it (and as the mother of the girl you have every right to ask them if they did) and tell him it's inappropriate - and he doesn't do it again, it's just one of those things. what troubles me the most is where were they and was it just a quick thing that the provier missed or is there some area they can do this? when i was helping my sister with her home daycare we caught two kids doing something similar - we told them it was not acceptable and they were not allowed in the playhouse for a week and from then on anytime anyone was in the playhouse all the shutters were to remain open (my sister has since replaced it with the log cabin one that has a large opening they cannot close).
as for taking her to the doctor, ask her if she hurts there or if it feels different - if she feels fine there isn't really any reason to worry about it but if it makes you feel better by all means take her in.
but most kids at that age are curious about what's different "down there" and they learn by looking and touching, so to an extent it is normal. when it becomes a regular thing it is no longer normal or acceptable, but the first time (especially if no one they know has gotten in trouble for doing it) is quite normal.
don't be angry at the parents, but i would make sure they talked to their son as he is more likely to listen to them then the daycare provider.

also - your long term memory is just starting at 4 years old, so the likelyhood of her even remembering this incedent down the road is pretty slim, so traumatized in the long run - i'd go with no. maybe a little upsetting for her now, but it's probably far more upsetting to you.

Answer 7

ok first question for you to answer for your self . if she is acting any differently after the incedent then i would worry about her suffering from truama but she is 4 she prolly thought he was playing. But on the other hand the boy may be sufffering from sexual abuse because that dont seem normal that a 6 year old boy would consider an act like that. If the boy's parents are abusing him they will blow it off . i hope thats not the case. Listen to your daughter and see how she feels about the situation if she feels that it was no big deal than you treat it the same just try to make her understand that is her body and she has a right to it and to tell people no!!

Answer 8

Everyone else seems to be telling you to relax and maybe they are right but as a mother of a young girl myself, personally I would probably overreact, I would think that would be better the underreacting. I would be worried about what else this boy might do to my girl. I would tell the daycare, either ask him to leave, guarantee they will be separated or I would find new daycare. It seems like a really big deal to me. Also, like someone else said, be sure to tell your little girl that she made the right decision telling you and that she has done nothing wrong.

Answer 9

I am so sorry. I am a father of a young daughter as well. I think what you need to do is first, relax. Your daughter will be fine. It is normal for kids to act that way, unfortunately. Second, talk to your daughter about it and explain to her that her special place should not be touched like that again by any boys or anybody at daycare. Third, call the boys parents and make sure they talk to their boy to tell him what he did was wrong. Fourth, tell daycare if it happens again you will sue their asses off. I am a lawyer and I would love that case.

Answer 10

Keep your daughter out of that daycare first off!, second off call the police and CPS services to have it investigated. At 6 yrs old this child has learned this behavior from somewhere and as a parent i would want to know where that came from ex: T.V or someone touching them. I highly commmend your parenting as your daughter felt comfortable to tell you as soon as it happened.

Answer 11

We as parents need to remember that kids are curious. It could have just been that or it could be a sign the boy is being abused. I would sit down and talk with my child about it and if she is showing signs of being traumatized i would take her to her dr. Just be calm and take it as it comes. That is also something that takes seconds to happen and does not mean the children were not being watched. If you think there are too many children at the daycare vs caregivers find a new one. You need to do what your heart tells you.