Child on the path to Conduct disorder. How can I help?

Question

My brother has a son and this boy is .... well words are out of reach. He is playing the teachers against my brother and vise versa. He is weeks behind in his homework. He is failing every single class( he is twelve). He has left the house without telling people where he's going or without asking permission. He continuely puts himself in dangerous situations.He was suspended for three days for bringing an object that was considered a weapon to school. My brother is at the end of his rope. He is in constant contact with the teachers and driving his son back up to the school to pick up missed work. He has sat in his son's classes. He needs some help and I want to help him. What kind of resources are there for my brother? Does he have to send this kid to Bootcamp? Isn't there another alternitive? He's doing the counseling thing. It's not much help. I almost afraid this child is going to cause my brother a mental breakdown.

To logicnreason: The child is my brothers' STEPSON therefore my brother was not in this childs life for the first three and a half years. I don't know what exactly wenton in his first years and because the child is a partof this familiy and they live with my parents(they are in financial ruins, though they were successfull until two years ago and layoffs became an everyday thing around here) it is my buiness. I love my brother. His wife I could live without, but I don't have to live with her. She is a manic Depressed person who goes to work comes home and parents from sitting on her *** and screaming.

Answer 1

Puzzleras Hi

Sorry to hear about these difficulties and hope we can try to rectify the matter. I advised somebody on a similar case to this sometime back now and will try to pull some details out for you.

Best Regards For Now

Clive Jenkins
http://www.parentingtipssite.com

Answer 2

I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's your brother's responsibility. What you are describing are the symptoms not the problem. We are missing some details here. This 12 yr old is pissed about something and the smoking gun is in your brother's hands.

The reason that your nephew is messed up is because his parents are messed up. I'm sure your brother means well but he didn't provide the empathic care that is required to raise a child. This little boy is begging for attention and he'll take any kind, good or bad.

You can try to reach out to him but he will always have to return back to the problem environment which is his home. What happen to him in the first 36 months of his life? Did he receive the love and care that is needed to develop a conscience and values? Where's his mother? Is she a mess? It's extremely difficult to get back those early days when it was much easier to teach life's important lessons. What would have taken maybe minutes or hours to teach a 3 yr old, might now take days or months or never to a 12 yr old.

This little boy needs a safe outlet fir him to express his feelings. I suggest that you pull him out public school and lschool him at home; let him explore the things he's interested in. Because of his failure in traditional school, he's now labeled as a loser, not only by his teachers but by you all as well. This child might be interested in something totally amazing that they don't offer in the stupid setting of traditional school. There are many well known very financially successful people that sucked at school. But because their parents saw this, they gave them another outlet to expand their creative interests.

What this little boy needs is not to be judged by strangers who really don't have any idea of his value and he needs the love ,caring, decipline and leadership only the 2 most important people in his life can give.

Answer 3

Does this child still have toys, tv , games, videos, movies etc in his room? Your brother should take everything except his clothes and home work and make the kid "earn" his stuff back. While I dont usually recommend spanking maybe this is a case where a well earned butt kicking might be in order. Not beating him of course but some kids dont learn without some form of good punishment. Bootcamp is probably out as he is too young, but military school is not. There this young boy would receive discipline and learn to mind. Your brother might consider it.