Well last year I got engaged and our wedding is at the very end of this year, and my fiance is wonderful. About a month ago he got into a horrible accident which left him with one arm and physically unattractive. I am not trying to come off sounding as if all I care about is looks, but I don't look at him the same way as I used to. I don't feel that chemistry anymore? Should I call the engagement off and how should I tell him(I wouldn't want him to know the reason was because of the accident) or should I get married even if I don't love him the same way? I don't have time to wait and tell him if I want to break off the wedding or if I want to continue with the already planned wedding.
2006-11-02 08:24:23 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Does your mommy know you're playing on the computer?
C'mon people, how can you take this seriously? If you love someone enough to spend the rest of your life with them you wouldn't dump them over something like that.
What she asked a 3 days ago!
Personal. Dating, relationship, wig.....?
This is my situation, I'm with a great guy and we are going up north to a cabin to spend the week together. I've never spent the night with him. I'm afraid because he likes to look good and wants the same in return. However, I wear a wig and he doesn't know that. He wouldn't dump me for it because he's a good guy, (might find another reason as an excuse) but it would freak him out and change our relationship, possibly ending it because I am completly bald.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Arx8P1P2vB0Vhji.D4VKXsDsy6IX?qid=20061030123011AA4o8z7
2006-11-02 09:01:44 · answer #1 · answered by xanadu88 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think enough people are telling you that you're being shallow.
But that isn't really the point. If you do not love him, you should not marry him. Even if you are being shallow and your falling out of love is wrong, it doesn't change the fact that a loveless marriage isn't a good idea. You'll only hurt him more in the end.
If this is truly how you feel, that you can't love him, then break off the engagement.
However, I STRONGLY suggest waiting on this. The best solution would be for you both to put the wedding on hold. Say that you both need some time to adjust, and planning a wedding is just too stressful right now. But stay with him. It is highly possible that you will start seeing all the good again, and the physical attractiveness will increase again. Perhaps that love will come rushing back. If not, after a few months (like, six or more), then cancel the wedding.
Remember that you are in a grieving period (any period of loss is a grieving period). Never make any big decisions during this time. It would really be a shame if you left him now only to discover later that you really do love him, and it was just the shock that made you think you didn't.
2006-11-03 10:05:52 · answer #2 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer to this question. You don't love him. Don't marry him.
He will only think you are arrogant and egotistical if you marry him out of pity. Why would you consider marrying him feeling the way you do now? You have no right to deny him the possibility of finding someone who can love him just as he is now.
We're talking about the rest of your life here! Regardless of the reason you fell out of love with him, you have absolutely no right to marry him at this point. Are you afraid he won't like you anymore, or of what people will think of you? Think about that.
Do you want a marriage based on pity and fear instead of love, mutual respect and friendship? You weren't truly in love with this man. You were infatuated with him. It's a common mistake women make.
Get some backbone, make your apologies, bow out, and wait until you are more mature and ready to marry for the right reasons. And before you take that important step into marriage, read Dr. Laura Schlesinger's book "10 Stupid Things Women Do To Screw Up Their Lives."
2006-11-02 16:44:51 · answer #3 · answered by LadyLgl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love isn't something that you just fall in and out of.....Love is something that you grow into. You're going through a hard time right now. Go back to your first love. Why did you fall in love with him in the first place?? Surely it wasn't purely based on looks. Find those things in him now, build him up and what not. Maybe you should ask him to postpone the wedding, and you should stay engaged, but wait until you are more sure that you can handle the commitment it takes to be married. Look for the things you fell in love with, they're still there. You've stumbled on a rough patch, you didn't stop loving him. You just need to find those old things again. :) He loves you. And you love him. Keep with it girl, I hope God helps you out here! :)
2006-11-02 16:44:43 · answer #4 · answered by bekki 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You definitely shouldn't marry someone that you don't love. If you can't be there to support him in the down times, then you don't deserve to be with him during the good times. Maybe you should have thought a little harder before getting engaged, because it really sounds like you were in it for his looks and not who he is as a person. It would be better for you both if you broke it off now.
2006-11-02 17:46:44 · answer #5 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMGoodness boy or boy do you have a dilema alright.... well you have to look at it plain and simple... if you don't love him anymore you can't marry him... you'll end up in a divorce anyway, belive me!!! You do need to talk to him and you do need to be honest with him.... he is no dummy I am sure he notices that things have changed between you two since the accident. But before you make any decisions, spend some time with yourself and really talk to your heart to see what your thinking.... you need to think of all the good and bad that is occuring in your relationship. Its hard, I know but your fiance deserves some time for you to really see what you will be giving up... you might realize that you do still love him.... but if you come to the conclusion that you don't love him.... PLEASE don't marry him because you feel bad... it would be the worst thing you could do. GL
2006-11-02 16:49:47 · answer #6 · answered by totallylovableandinlove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you really don't love him any more, and can't support him in these difficult times, then you really shouldn't marry him. It would hurt him far less to be married to someone who doesn't love him as he probably deserves. Not to speak less of you, but you probably should let him go so you both can be with people that truly make you happy. With that said, i think you should try some counseling first and see if it helps. True love doens't just fade away and if he's the same person you wanted to spend your life with before than maybe some counseling will help you get through these feelings.
2006-11-02 16:30:33 · answer #7 · answered by smm 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you do not love this man then do not marry him, the marriage will not last and you will tear his life apart somewhere down the line. Stop the wedding now and give this poor man a chance to re-build his life.
2006-11-03 04:11:16 · answer #8 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This marriage wouldn't have lasted even if the accident hadn't have happened. Too bad you're losing a guy that you yourself describe as wonderful. Somebody in this relationship is unattractive and it's not him.
2006-11-02 16:56:38 · answer #9 · answered by Debra D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If something that hurt him and disfigured his ARM is making you unattracted to him then you probably shouldn't have gotten engaged in the first place. Love is NOT based at all on looks.
GROW UP!
2006-11-02 16:32:38 · answer #10 · answered by Laura 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋