She has never really talked about him, which I thought odd, odd enough the other day I just asked about him, where he was, and she calmly told me he had died in an accident when she was 12 (almost 20 yrs ago). This relates to her in the following way: she has had a hard time opening up to me. It is as if as we get closer, she tries harder to distance herself from a relationship. I have always suspected some sort of commitment issues because of these actions. We have talked about her pulling back, and she admits she does it, but claims to have no idea why. I think this is a very real place to look for an answer. Regardless, I think she needs to see a counselor, but in the meantime, is there anything I can ask to try and gauge how she has dealt with her father's death?
2006-11-02 08:10:11 · 6 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
People deal with death in different ways, one of which is bottling it up. I would talk to her, but be gentle, and careful. It is abandonment issues more than commitment. Shes afraid by getting close to someone they will leave her. Thats why she keeps you at a distance, and probably everyone else. Maybe just consider the idea of a therapist to her, or tell her that if she ever needs to talk about her Dad, you are there for her. Simply just that may help her to open up a bit. But try not to push the idea of therapy. Just suggest it and move on. You can also just ask her how she dealt with it, usually just being flat out honest is best. Good luck. J
2006-11-02 09:46:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend may have unresolved issues surrounding the relationship she had with her dad. Her motives for fear of commitment are real and she very likely does have no conscious idea why especially if the reason is bound to the relationship she had with her father. Since her father died nearly 20 years ago, I wonder that you seem to stress that she "calmly" told he died. Did you expect overwhelming grief and a flood of tears? Her response was appropriate given the length of time that has passed. But did she elaborate? Did you question her as to what kind of accident it was?
I'm not sure she's ready to talk about how she feels about her father's death -- to you or to anyone else but you may be able to get some background from her mother. You can suggest counseling but she may not be receptive to the idea at this time. In the meantime, ask her about the "accident". Perhaps it wasn't an accident at all. If, for example, her father committed suicide, that would explain commitment issues. But don't push her if she doesn't want to talk. Let her know you're willing to listen if ever she's willing to talk.
2006-11-02 16:23:30 · answer #2 · answered by TweetyBird 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My dad died when I was almost 10. Losing a parent when you're a child is a very devastating experience. You don't understand it and you don't know how to grieve. It can have profound affects on you for years. She's probably distancing herself from others due to a fear of falling in love and possibly losing the person.
2006-11-02 19:51:53 · answer #3 · answered by DawnDavenport 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should wait for the right time ,when she wants to open up,,just let her know that when the time comes that she needs someone who would listen to her,she can counts on you..
2006-11-02 16:15:57 · answer #4 · answered by amie_esprit 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
NO. You can't probe her for more information, and you can't be her therapist. If she wants one, she can seek one out.
If you want to be a good friend, be the one who listens when she needs you, not the one who does all the talking.
2006-11-02 16:21:28 · answer #5 · answered by KB 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Nope. Just try and make her happy.
2006-11-02 16:22:29 · answer #6 · answered by sweetirsh 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋