mentality after a parent dies?

Question

concerning a younger person (lets say early 20s) awhile after a parent dies in a tragic event:
1. is it okay if the person is sad but not depressed?
2. can talk about their parent and how their parent died without freaking out or crying?
3. feels the loss, but not very strongly, like they've sort of forgotten what the parent was like and the parents effect on their life?

and I want serious answers! if you don't really know please don't answer just for the sake of answering!

Answer 1

I have not lost a parent. I have lost a brother. We were approx. 12 months apart in age. He died drinking and driving when I was 20 and he was 19. I was devastated, but never cried about it. He and I had talked about death but not our own. There isn't a day goes by I don't think about him. I am sad, on the inside, but not depressed. I can talk about him with great pride and conviction without crying a drop. And about the loss..... is there anyway to describe the feeling of emptiness and loss? No, but we can not dwell on what we can not change. I do know that my life would be completely different if he were here. I moved 1000 miles from home, just to get away from the sadness, it didn't help. But it did change the whole direction of my life. I will not say that it is a mental illness to have feeling like this, but it is very difficult to express the way you truly feel. I try not to talk about it but feel better when I do. His birthday was last week 10/25. Mine is today.

Answer 2

I lost my mom when I was 19...
I felt the lost gradually... at the beginning I felt sad but I was able to do my daily activities pretty fine... I would have some really bad days...like I was in pain or something... I use to cry for hours on those days ...but then I would feel OK again and go back to my daily activities...
I didn't talk about it much then...not with my brother (15 at the time)or my sisters (23 and 12 years old at the time)...It was like she went on a trip or something...very weird feeling!...
Today I do talk about her a lot... after 8 years the pain goes away a little bit...and I have less and less bad days...
One thing is for sure...I do remember her every day!

Answer 3

Death of a loved one, especially a parent, a child, a spouse, effects a person deeply. People have different ways of showing it. Sometimes the shock is so great that they are unable to grieve and become withdrawn and depressed. Others are in denial, and refuse to let their grief come to the surface. Their grief may come out is depression or panic attacks or other physical ways. Others express grief in very open and emotional ways -lots of crying, anxiety, freaking out, inability to sleep, eat, work, etc. It all depends on the person. All ways of expressing grief are okay, some are healthier than others. If you are worried about it, see a counselor.

Answer 4

Everyone grieves differently. We all process our emotions in unique ways. So yes, it's okay to be sad but not depressed, especially after some time has passed. Yes, it's okay if they can talk about the events calmly. Yes, it's okay to not be devastated by the loss. It's also okay to become extremely depressed, not be able to talk about it, and have a hard time coping with the stituation, wanting to hang onto and treasure every memento and souvenir and memory of their parents.

Answer 5

The mind will protect you from the things that hurt you the most. Thats just what it does, its also the reason why people tend to block out traumatic events in their life. But once it feels you are strong enough to deal with it, it will come back and you'll remember, and once it feels you (or whomever it is you are speaking of) are ready to grieve and deal with this great loss, it will all come out. It could also be denial, which will also fade out as time goes on.

Answer 6

Sure, all of the above is normal especially if the relationship with with the deceased father is/was not very strong. Or if it was a somewhat negative relationship.

Also, some people have a delayed onset of grief/anger.