help! (please)?

Question

Ok, mt ex husband still lives in my house with myself and our children. He doesn't work, I cannot throw him out as there are complications. His daughter from his first marriage has started to stay evey weekend but the problem is the girl has severe issues, eg; set fire to the school, is cruel to our children when alone with them, steals from us, lies, manipulative and generally a nasty piece of work, until I discovered these things i always got on with her and thought she was a sweet girl. Now, I'm afraid to have her in the house as I feel my children are in danger. I've tried talking to my ex about this, and suggeted therapy. I've said until she is mentally balanced she can't stay as I'm afraid for my young children. He won't listen. What can I do?

Answer 1

No wonder she's so rebellious, her dad is living with his ex and goodness knows where her mother is. She will keep getting worse the longer she is in such a weird hostile environment. I feel sorry for her. She needs stability and you letting them stay at yours (rent free i imagine) and her father being a layabout will not be helping matters. Don't just exclude her from your household, get rid of them both. Your kids must be confused as well with their 'split up' mum and dad still in the same house. Imagine the awkwardness of them trying to explain the situation to their friends. I am talking sense which is hard to see when you are in the situation yourself. Tell her dad he has to go and she will go too. There is nothing in the world I can think of as being a good enough reason for him to stay. Get him out of your house and move on, I'm not saying this will be easy but you know it's what you have to do.

Answer 2

Wow, this is a sticky situation. But, the bottom line is that you have a responsibility to your young children, not her. You have to stick to your guns. talk to him again and explain over and over until he gets it thru his head. I'm assuming the young children you speak of are his children as well.....? If they are he should totally understand where you are coming from. Why would he want to put his other children in danger? I would ask him what he plans on doing when she sets fire to your house? He doesn't work and you're no longer married, you really don't have to put up with this stuff. If he doesn't listen to reason I would bluntly tell him that you no longer have any responsibilities to him or his other daughter and if he won't compromise with this situation that he will have to find somewhere else to live. Maybe you should talk to this other daughters mother. i don't know how well that would go but she should definitely be aware of her daughters behavior and how it is effecting you, your children and your home. good Luck :)

Answer 3

You say you can't throw him out because there are complications. Gee, what do you call what you've got right now? You are divorced. His "issue-laden" daughter is HIS problem not yours. YOUR full obligations and responsibilities are to your own young children. Get a grip. What kind of hold could this man possibly have on you that you are going to let him knock you down and stomp on the back of your head like this? You are already fearful of the likely dangers of this situation. Are you going to wait until something DOES happen and then stand there and tell everybody "Gee I just knew something like this was going to happen"?
I don't know any place these days that doesn't have some sort of local Women's Support Chapter for situations like the one you describe. Look in your phone book, call your local Chamber of Commerce Call your nearest hospital and ask to speak to whoever deals with Social Issues. Even call a lawyer out of the phone book, one that appears to specialize in this field. He will answer you a simple question right over the phone, without charge, that will point you in the right direction for the proper help and advice that you need, and it will all be done in s tricted confidence. But the protection of your children is paramount. Even if you don't want to help yourself, you have a legal obligation to protect them.

Answer 4

wow! (I think we're in a pickle dick! -quote from Fun with Dick & Jane) You definitely are in a pickle... however don't feel as if you have no options. They may not always be good one's, but they're options none the less. If you can't kick him out, perhaps you could move instead? I certainly wouldn't want the daughter to be around my children either... though when it comes to that, I wouldn't be such a nice person. Is his daughter old enough to be out on her own? If not, then perhaps you could call her mother & have her keep her at her house. Also if she's not yet an adult, you could try contacting your local child protective agency & explain the situation to them. If you feel you or your children's lives are in danger... physically, you can call the local mental health institue & see if they'll take her. Usually they'll keep someone mentally unstable for 72 hours.
Though if all else fails, take a leap of faith & move out with your children. Talk with some close friends & maybe you could stay with them until you get on your feet.

Answer 5

I dont know what these complications are to kick him out, but how is he paying for the house if he has no job? If you are helping supporting him there then I would say stop. If not then mabey you should look at finding your own place for you and your kids (assuming you have cusdoty). If you have to stay in the house, and he will not do anything to help protcet your kids from his daughter then mabey you need to take drastic measure and then either threaten her with calling the police next time she does something serious, or doing it. You and your kids saftey should be the first thing in your mind, and if she did set fire to her school then thats just not safe having her stay there. And its not fair to you to have to constantly look after the kids because shes there, you need to have a life too.

Answer 6

First of all you have to be strong. This is not going to be an easy endeavor. You have to ask him to leave. What sort of message is it sending your children to have their father living with you when you are not married? Do you date? Does he? Because if either of you have other relationships outside the home, this will be confusing to the children and lead them to have destructive relationships in the future.

Couple that with the issues you have with his daughter and this is just a recipe for disaster. If he will not leave voluntarily, then call the police. Think of it this way; you can call the police now or someone else can call the police when his daughter sets fire to YOUR house or hurts YOUR children.

Answer 7

I'd be more concerned about the complications she could inflict on my children compared as to why the ex still lives there. I'd solve that problem and kick both their asses out. My children and their safety comes first and I'll leave anyone else out in the cold in a heartbeat.

Answer 8

You need to worry about the safety of YOUR children, first. If you are concerned for them, then you need to get her out.
Are the smaller children his as well? He needs to be thinking about their well being, too.
Do whatever you have to do legally to get her out of the house. You may need to contact social services (from what you have said, she probably already has a case worker assigned to her).
You certainly don't want to come home one day and find social services on your doorstep threatening to remove YOUR children from YOUR house b/c the environment there is unsafe.
Where is her mother in this situation? She needs to be involved in getting this poor girl some help!
Do what you can to make sure she isn't there alone with your younger children (or with your ex there since he can't see the problem in the first place).
If you have to involve social services, do it. It isn't like your ex is going to do anything to help. Protect your children and your property!

Answer 9

Well I am not sure about the complications, but he is an EX for a reason so kick his lazy butt out. He and his baggage should not be an issue in your life. I think you need to stand up for yourself and your children and make him leave and take his horrible daughter with him..... Com'on lady think about it, why is your ex husband still living with you, that's just weird.

Answer 10

If this child sets fires at school, then how come the authorities did not get involved? Call protective service on the father, about the child, and do it anonymous. Why would you have him their, and not working, and to have another mouth to feed. Get them both out. for your own children's sake. Or the next time she does something that is so bad, call the police, or speak to the child's guidance counselor, tell her that you are very concerned, and how can they help the child? That you are scared for your children's safety!