. Two blondes walk into a building....you'd think at least one of them
would have seen it.
>
>2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key..."
>
>3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
>
>4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.
>
>5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too high."
>
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.
>
>7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off.
>
>8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
How Funny!!!
2006-11-02 07:11:00 · 15 answers · asked by angiepangy100 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Not a joke, but a true story re Tommy. He got out of a London cab, and pressed something into the hand of the cabbie and said,"have a drink on me". Thanks guv, said the cabbie. When he looked he had been given a T bag.
2006-11-02 07:42:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice to See you have some taste in your comedy no one did it better than Tommy Cooper. Genius here are some of my favourites of his. Enjoy.
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.
And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please? ' And a voice said 'You are.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.
I went to the doctors. He said 'I'd like you to lie on the couch'. I said 'What for?' He said 'I'd like to sweep the floor'
2006-11-02 07:57:48 · answer #2 · answered by El Greco 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all timeless classics
you missed the one where a man walks in to the doctors with a sheet of glass under his coat and says " doc i have a pain here"
2006-11-02 07:22:55 · answer #3 · answered by ploppy pants 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
very typical 70's jokes but some are funny. it shows that its not just the joke but the comic....
2006-11-02 07:16:22 · answer #4 · answered by Mr Cynical 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
great jokes, what a legend. first time i heard all these was with i saw tim vines dvd. i didnt realise he stole all tommys jokes
2006-11-02 08:12:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive said it before, I love one liners.
2006-11-03 08:28:19 · answer #6 · answered by bo nidle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny so funny
2006-11-02 07:15:57 · answer #7 · answered by Beth B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those are pretty good, and you have to be fairly witty to get some of 'em. Good job.
2006-11-02 07:18:24 · answer #8 · answered by Inferno13 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ha ha love em my favourit is
A man wlks into a bar and says owch
- it was an iron bar
2006-11-02 07:15:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
a guy walk right into a pub. "your around" says his mate. "so are you yo fat basted!" a ha ha! i went into an ice cream shop he says "hundreds and hundreds?" i say "we will initiate with one" he says "knickerblockerglory?" i say "i do get a undeniable quantity of freedom in those trousers, particular"
2016-10-21 03:59:08 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋