did i scare him? please help.?

Question

a few yrs ago, i hooked up with a close friend. we lost touch somewhat but remained friends. recently i went to visit him, i'm not in love and i wasn't expecting anything-i just wanted him to know i love him. before i could, however, he came out as being gay, how he's "always known" and i'm one of the first he's told. then right before i left, i started crying and told him i loved him gay or straight, and that i needed some closure. he said at the time, he didn't want to reject me. i feel stupid b/c it sounded like i had aggressively pursued him and he was just sparing my feelings. but i normally never act that way with men and i do recall him initiating things. i doubt i was just a cover b/c no one knew what happened but now i feel ugly/foolish for thinking what what we had was meaningful. was he ever attracted to me at all? was i wrong to tell him how i felt? i didn't try to "turn" him straight, i just felt he should know how i feel. i'm afraid i scared him and ruined our friendship

Answer 1

He obviously cares about you alot or else he wouldn't have gone through with it. Don't kick yourself, you went through something with someone whom you loved very deeply. Most people would kill for a love like that, it's a once in a lifetime thing. Enjoy the memories and cherrish the past, smile :) knowing you had him once, and how close you were. Talk to him too, act like you're not bothered by this torture you're putting yourself through. If he notices it, then the friendship will be ruined if he sees you have doughts about what happened. Be happy about it!

Answer 2

when he said he'd always known, he probably meant that somewhere deep inside he knew that what he was doing felt like something not normal for him...not that he didn't love you (male or female, you can still love a friend) and not that he was just trying to be nice...he probably genuinely liked you, thought "this has to be a good thing" and thought no further than how lucky he was to have a girl, when you guys hooked up. what you had WAS meaningful...it just didn't have the same meaning that you thought it did, or probably what you wanted...it had a different meaning, an unexpected and maybe not as desirable meaning, but it was meaningful all the same.

don't worry about scaring him. it sounds more like you're being supportive. if he's really a good guy, he'll understand that this hurts you as well and he'll understand your confusion. he'll also appreciate the fact that you don't desert him or get angry at him for going out with you even though he's gay. he might have some tough times and it might be really good eventually to even have one friend who loves him anyway...

he may not have been sexually or physically attracted to you. that doesn't mean that he didn't love you. in fact, that probably means he liked your personality and your mentality better than your body or your looks...which is more meaningful either way. the fact that you guys hooked up in the first place means something...he wasn't just trying to be nice or he wouldn't have done it. don't worry.

you guys will go through some tough stuff but you'll make it through alright. don't worry too much, be supportive of him and he'll be supportive of you. you may not be able to go out with him (but you said you weren't expecting that anyway), but you can remain really good friends, and if he's nice enough for you to love him, he'll want the same...

hope this helps ^-^

Answer 3

I think that because he thought he was gay he would never have a chance with a girl to confirm it. I don't want to sound mean, but it seems like he just wanted to test the waters for himself, and who better to do it with than a close friend. If he is gay he is gay, and i heard a gay friend for a girl is the best kind of friend. You can hang out and not have to worry about him always wanting to have sex with you. you can get the inside scoop of the inter thinkings of a man. Just because he is gay doen't not take away the fact that he may still think like a man. you didn't know so don't blame yourself. Now you do know and tell him that you understand and still want to be close friends.

Answer 4

He's probably feeling just as foolish... sounds as if he had conflicting emotions about his sexuality and now that he's realized he's letting you know the best way he can.. if you're truly friends you should discuss it and let him know you'll always be a friend to him... i'm sure you'll both feel much better if you just get your cards out on the table.

Answer 5

Sounds like he was gay all along and just trying to come to terms with it himself. Don't be selfish and make this into a problem with yourself. I'm sure he is going through a difficult time with realising he is gay and what that means to him. If you do love him, put your feelings aside, and be his friend. Actually be there for him..... and then find yourself a man.

Answer 6

True friendships survive things like this. Give it time, and go with the idea that what you had was meaningful, but it just wasn't meant to be. I doubt this ruined the friendship.

Answer 7

Gay men are the most outgoing forgiving people I know. The thing you need to remember is, you just need to accept the fact that he like boys now and just be his friend

Answer 8

You love him, as a friend. Is that what you told him,
as a friend? I can't believe this drug on for so long.
It's sad, but your eyes were closed. Think of the signs
that should have told you he wasn't into you. They were
there.

Answer 9

U seriously need to talk with him more.. I would ask him why he did what he did.. I feel like he should have told u sooner.... than waiting so long.. u have alot on your hands now... good luck to u

Answer 10

i feel you should really talk to him again. tell him you care about him and would like to at least have him as a friend. then just act natural and just be a good friend. i really hope this helps. good luck!