Parent is getting remarried?

Question

My dad is getting remarried. He has only been dating the girl for 3 months and they have a ten year age diffrence. I like the girl he is marring be it just all seems to qick to me I feel like everything is changing to fast. I am about to go to college and I am verry stressed out I dont know how to handle all this. My father has asked me to be a part of the wedding I dont feel like I can do this b/c every time I talk about the wedding I start to cry. Part of the reason I get so upset is b/c I am an only child and I was adopted. She is young and this is her first marrige so I know they will have biological childern. I dont think I will mean as much to him anymore. So I have 3 questions
1. How should I be feeing (like is there anything I can do to feel better about all this)
2. Is it wrong I am worried about him havin new kid
3. What would I do n the weddin/ would it be appropriate to tell the I would rather just attend the wedding and not nessicarly be a part of the cerimony

I am happy for him b/c like I said I am going to college and I worry about him being alone. I feel bad that I am stressed or worried about all this. I love him I want him to be happy.

Answer 1

I wish a simple answer would solve your problems, but you will feel the way you feel no matter what.
To answer your question though you need to look at your dad is he happy? You said you are going away to college He needs his own life to. 2. You should not be worried but be happy if they do. You get a brother or sister that will look up to you forever.and number 3 Your family is your dad and soon he will marry of course he wants you to be a big part of that. You need to step back and look at your dad don't judge his choice just be happy for him and do whatever you can to make his day special. He would do the same for you I am sure of it. You will always be his little girl.

Answer 2

1. That's your Dad and you are completely entitled to the way you are feeling. I was 30 when my Dad remarried and I was definitely a GROWN UP so that advice is ridiculous. You can feel hurt, confused and even replaced. The thing is, it does pass with time.
2. Same situation here and no, you are entitled to those feelings too. That will also change with time but the hurt will be there no matter what. You just find a way to deal with it.
3. Be there for your Dad. Make this day about him and not you. Accept the offer to be in the wedding for him. It means a lot to him for you to be there and because of questions 1 & 2 you should welcome every opportunity he gives and shows you his love.

Answer 3

first and unfortunately...it is not your desicion. look at it this way, is your father happy? second, yes you should be happy, but if you have concerns, you should tell him in an adult matter, don't be mean. 3 months is a very short time, i agree he should take longer. to feel better you should just be happy that he is happy. that's what he would want for you if the situation was reversed. it is not wrong to be worried about them having another baby. i am too adopted and have a brother and sister bother from different marriages. things may change, but since you are in college, you are an adult and you will love you're younger sibiling b/c you'll be so far apart in age. if they treat you different it should be that you're not a baby anymore and your new sibiling will be. tell your dad that you feel uncomfortable being apart of the wedding and just ask if you can watch. if he gets mad, just refuse to talk until he's a bit more civil and try again. if he continues to act that way, tell him that you are happy, but you don't wish to be in the ceremony and he'll have to accept that. he'll get over it trust me. my mother has been married 6 times. everytime she asked me to be a part of the ceremony, i just said no, stood my ground and she got over it. tell your dad that it is hurting you for him to be forcing you do do something you're not comfortable doing. he is your dad and trust me he cherishes that. ask him how he would feel if you forced him to look for your biological father and made him go with you if that was something you wanted to do. the answer may turn around. i know it worked for me. if you have anymore questions, i can help you. please fell free to email me. good luck

Answer 4

1. You can't help the way you feel, but that doesn't control the way you act.
2. You will always be his first child. I he ends up neglecting you, it isn't because you're adopted. It's because you're grown up and the new one is a baby with his new sexy love interest.
3. I agree, it is really unwise for him to marry after such a short courtship. He doesn't even know her yet.
You can't stop him. But it's worth a try. Tell him you like the girl but you're really concerned that he may mess up his life by jumping into this too fast.
Tell him you want him to be happy and you really want to be in his next wedding, but you're scared to death that this is going too fast. Ask him to slow down, tell him you will be a lot more comfortable being in the wedding if he waits. Suggest that they get engaged but not marry yet. If it's meant to be, waiting will not hurt anything. If not, he'll be glad he waited.
Ultimately, though, if he decides to go through with this, unless you see something really bad about it, you have to support him. Be extra nice to his new wife. If you don't, she may come between you and your dad.

Answer 5

1) Your feelings are your feelings, don't let anyone deny you the right to have them! Your feelings are just as legitimate as anyone elses! You cant dictate how you feel, you can just feel.
2) Nope. However, as a mom of both children by birth and children by love, I can tell you that it's been my experience that the love is the same for all my children. As they have come to be adults, I learn that birth has nothing to do with life choices either. It's amusing that the child who is most like me in temperament and likes/dislikes is one of my "adopted" children too.
3) This is your Dad's wedding. Please reconsider being in the wedding! No matter that the bride is not your first choice, no matter that you don't want your dad to marry. This is his choice, be supportive and help him as much as you can to make his special day as wonderful as you can.
In short, Peaches, buck up, put your feelings in a box and if he wants you to stand up with him for his wedding , do it with a smile on your face and love in your heart. No matter what, he is YOUR DAD!!! Don't matter who he is married to, or who he is father to!
PS
Talk to your Dad about your feelings regarding other children!
But do it with love and do not ask him not to have/adopt other children!
Good Luck

Answer 6

Oh my gosh.. your story sounds almost exactly like mine. My father divorced my stepmom (whom he was married to for almost 21 years) in Febuary of this year. He then started dating this woman who is 15 years younger than him. They are now engaged and they want me to stand upfor his girlfriend at the wedding since she has no other family here in the states. I have a 10 year old sister who is feeling neglected right now because our father is spending all his time with his girlfriends daughter... Being that Im in a similar situation, this is my advice to you:

Tell your dad, honestly, how you feel. he may not realize that you have these feelings of sadness. Explain to him that you love him and want dearly for him to be happy and that you like his girlfriend but this is the way you feel. See what he says. My little sister finally talked to my dad about the way she feels when he spends all his time with his girlfriends daughter. he was shocked she felt that way and has been putting worth a lot of effort to make sure he spends quality time with my little sis and he eased her concerns (and mine) about their relationship when we finally opened up to him.

You have every right to feel the way that you do. Nobody can tell us that our feelings are wrong or right or selfish...

I told my dad that I would stand up for his girlfriend even though I dont really want to. That way I can show both him and his girlfriend that I support them and love them. Its only one day and it would mean a lot to your dad (and his new girlfriend). But if you dont feel comfortable doing that, explain that you want to be there to support them but that your not at a point where your ready to participate in the ceremony. Tell him that you respect that he loves this woman and wants to marry her and ask that he respect how you feel about participating in the wedding.

As far as the fear about them having their own children: I completely understand how you feel honey and I wish there was something we could say to make that fear go away.. all I can say is that you know in your heart that your father loves you as much as he would love his biological child. Be happy, if they have children, that you have a sibling and make the most of it!

I have learned during this past year that life is way to short to stress about the things you can not change and to accept change with open arms.

I hope everything works out well and I hope that in some way this helped. Take Care Sweetheart.

-God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Answer 7

You will always mean everything to your dad. And I'm sure you ll make a wonderful big sis. Your dad probably always wanted you to have a sibling. Parents worry about their kids being alone too.

Answer 8

You need to let it go. It isn't your choice, it's his.