The mother of my grandaughter is now keeping us from our grandaughter because she hates my son. She says he is a dead beat dad and shows no caring on his part. He does love my grandaughter but hates to deal with the Mother. She is afraid the if my grandaughter is visiting us my son will come over. How can I choose between my son or grandaughter? I love them both so much. When we ask to spend time with our grandaughter it has always just been for us, not my son. please tell me how to go on????
2006-11-02 06:01:27 · 17 answers · asked by Reajeanne B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Its a tough life. I'd say if you must choose between your grand-daughter and your son, choose your grand-daughter, because your son is an adult, but your grand-daughter needs you now. If you're well-to-do, you could help out by doing stuff like buying clothes for your grand-daughter. Of course you'll have to get along with your daughter-in-law, but you do have something in common with her, namely your love for your grand-daughter. Perhaps that could be a basis for you getting along with her.
2006-11-02 06:06:08 · answer #1 · answered by kimmyisahotbabe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about asking mom if you could visit the granddaughter at her residence or a location of her choice where she would have more control over whether your son comes during the visit? This might have to be a possibility if you are to see her until she decides if she can trust you. You must also decide if your visits with the child are worth more than letting your son see her while she is with you. If he doessn't have visitation with her, there is probalby a reason why. If he wants to have it, then he needs to go to court to get it. But, you really need to honor requests that he not be allowed to see her if she is visiting you.
Another thing is too, there are Grandparents Rights. You would have to check with your state to see if they exist in your state and what their regulations are on them.
In the meantime, you could send frequent cards and letters to her and at least let her know and remember who you are and that you do care about her. Also, would the mother let you telephone the child and at least talk to her? Try and maintain some kind of contact with her no matter what it is. If you do send letters to her and mom returns them to you...save them. Someday this child will be an adult and if she comes looking for you, you can show her that you did try and maintain contact with her.
2006-11-02 12:19:51 · answer #2 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Express how much you love your granddaughter to her mother. See if there are any sort of visitation venues that will make her feel comfortable. You may not be able to bring your granddaughter to your house. Build up some trust with the mother. It may involve only visiting your granddaughter at the mother's residence at least for awhile. Let her see that you are truly only interested in seeing your granddaughter. This will probably be difficult if she's got a bad attitude towards your son.
At the same time, you need to work with your son on fulfilling his parental obligations. If he's not paying child support, he needs to be doing so. Whether he meant to or not, he fathered a child. Help him become a responsible and caring dad.
My heart goes out to you. Good luck!
2006-11-02 06:14:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a court matter. The Mother cannot deny visitation even if the Dad does not pay. She can send him to jail.
My suggestion is that you get an attorney, Grandparents do have rights. If you cannot afford one, then would you consider visitation at the Mom's house? That might be the peaceful way to go.
Good Luck.
2006-11-02 06:35:10 · answer #4 · answered by voandginger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have to choose between neither one, continue to love both, they are two important people in your life. You have mothers out her in this world that keeps their kids away from the father side of the family due to their problems that happened in their past relationship and it is unfair to the grandparents and the child. You have to talk to the mother on this one. Tell her what she is doing to you as being this child grandfather, just because your son aint stepping up to the plate of being a real father and taking care of his child shouldn't keep her from holding this baby back from seeing you'll. If it have to come down to her bringing the baby over with her there.
2006-11-02 06:44:31 · answer #5 · answered by BabyGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In your situation, I would seriously have a sit down with your son. Talk to him about going to court and establishing child support and visitation rights with his daughter. He may hate dealing with her mother, his ex, but he once loved her, and they now have a child together, and he NEEDS to be apart of their childs life, no matter how they (him and her) feel about eachother. That child has a RIGHT to know her father's side of the family, and shouldn't grow up NOT knowing you. He needs to step up to the plate, take responcibility and go to court to establish legal visitation with his daughter. Every other weekend he gets her, and every other odd or even year he gets her for holidays and EVERY summer for 6 wks he gets her no matter what. Once he does this, it doesn't matter what the mother says, if she denies him, she is breaking court order, and can go to jail. Tell your son that if he doesn't want the visitations, then do this and let you have his daughter for his visitations. If they want to avoid eachother, then tell him when its his visitation, she (the mother) can drop the child off to you for him. If he won't do this, for himself and for his daughter and to be apart of her life......... then I suggest you go to her house and see your grandchild, go there for a bit on christmas and other holidays. Where there is a will, there is way. It may not be how you prefer it, but you can have and see your grandchild. Under her terms so that she KNOWS that he (your son) isn't seeing the child if he chooses NOT to take the route of establishing legal visitation. Blesse be................ Good luck.
2006-11-02 06:13:17 · answer #6 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless your son has done something to harm the mother or his child or he isn't paying child support , there is no reason that your son shouldn't be able to see the child. If all else fails take the matter to court so that your son can have visitation rights.
2006-11-02 06:05:56 · answer #7 · answered by Cori 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds pretty overbearing, but probably thinks she is doing what is best for you. Take things in stride and bide your time. When you go away to college, then you can have your freedom and you can screen your calls. Listening in on the phone conversations is a bit intrusive, but I bet your mom is not the only one which does. She wants to be involved and know what you are up to, so you don't get into the wrong crowd, drugs, ect... When you have kids you will probably find yourself doing the same type of things. You only have one mom, so try to get along the best you can.
2016-05-23 18:20:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain this to her, and if she won't listen you can take her to family court. Grandparents can petition for visitation rights too. Our friends did this and they get every other weekend and two weeks a year. It isn't as good as a mutual understanding with the mother, but you can see your granddaughter. Don't wait.
2006-11-02 06:04:52 · answer #9 · answered by xorosho 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Convince your son, to contribute more to his daughter, even if he hates to deal with her grandmother, he is still the Father and needs to do his part. Once he starts showing some responsibility he probably wont have such a hard time with the grandmother. And will make it easier for everyone.
2006-11-02 06:05:03 · answer #10 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋