How do you discipline your kids?

Question

Maybe with detailed examples..and be sure to list the kids ages and whether they are boys or girls....thank you so much....we are looking for good ideas for my son and my sisters kids....They are 21 mos boy, 3 boy, and 5 girl.....thanks

Answer 1

I have been teaching 3 to 6 year olds for over 12 years. I discipline all of them the same. A lot of people believe in spanking. I don’t. I can’t or I would be out of a job. I also do not use time outs or reward with treats or stickers. Time outs do not teach self control and using stickers for a child to behave only teaches that you get something when you comply. Time outs and spankings are punishments. They cause the child to feel resentment and anger. Over the years I have had to come up with alternative techniques to disciplining children and they work! Using natural and logical consequences whenever possible work best. Taking away a toy or privileges when a child misbehaves is not a natural or logical consequence. Taking away a toy if a child throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of natural and logical consequences. If a child makes a mess, they clean it. If they purposefully fall out of a chair, they have to stand. If they break something, they put it in the trash and no one can use it. If they can’t sit politely with the class, they get placed away from the group until they are ready to sit politely. If they are being aggressive, they are removed from the other children until they are ready to be gentle. The discipline I use always fits the crime committed.

Another technique I use when a child is misbehaving is this. As soon as they misbehave, I get down to their level and say "I don't like when you (I explain what and why in very few words)." I take them gently by the hand and put them in a spot away from the other children and say "When you're ready to (control yourself, listen, behave) then you can come back with us." This is not a time out because I do not set a time limit (me controlling the child). The child returns when he or she is ready to control themselves.

I notice children when they are not misbehaving. I say things like "You worked on that for a long time! You can run super fast! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders, great ways to show attention, and help children to feel powerful in a positive way.

I always set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. I’ll say “Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?” "No" means "No" the first time I say it. I say "Yes" as much as possible. I pick my battles. I am respectful of them and get respect in return. I am patient and consistent. All this without punishments!

http://askdrsears.com/html/6/T062100.asp Great argument against spanking
http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm 5 reasons to stop saying “Good job!”
http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/tcags.htm Argues why using rewards does not work

Hope this helps!

Answer 2

Here's what we do, hope this is helpful!

We use the counting method, usually counting to 3 to get them to co-operate. i.e. if my oldest isn't listening, I'll tell her she has until the count of 3 to get it done. If she still doesn't listen then I give her one more chance and then she starts loosing privileges. She is 6 and seems to have a very hard time listening these days. We've found that being consistent in our discipline methods is really the key, she can see right through us if we don't follow through in what we've said!

For our 3 year old there is a lot more counting and we talk things through with her. We let her know what she is doing/has done wrong and why it's not OK. If she is still really not listening then we have to go onto having her have a timeout which usually lasts about 3 minutes (we use the 1 minute/year method) We also constantly reminding her that her youngest sister is watching all her moves and that she'll copy anything that she does. This seems to really hit home!

Four our youngest, she is 22 months we do a lot of explaining and using the walking away method. If she is doing something that isn't safe or that is bothering her sisters we ask her to walk away from the situation and try to re-direct her to something else that will catch her eye. When having her walk away we say "come on ______ it's time to walk away, but look what's over here, this looks like fun!"
I've also resorted to using a stern NO if she is doing something that could end up with her getting hurt. She has turned into quite a monkey these days and is getting a lot more adventurous! The last (and most important I think!) thing that we do; when she starts to have a tantrum or a fit I'll set her down or walk away from her placing myself where I can still see her but I'll ignore her until she has stopped. If she is still carrying on after a few minutes I'll look her way and ask her if she is all done. If she says yes then I ask her if she needs a hug, and she'll come over and we'll have a few minutes of hugs. I think that this way she knows that she can have the attention when she needs it but she can't be carrying on like a screaming monster!

Answer 3

I dont beleive in all that time out my kids who are boys ages 11 and 6 think its a big joke. I take away the things they enjoy the most like for example the playstation, If that dont work then I make them sit down and write, for example " I will follow directions" my 11 year old will write100 times my 6 year old 20 times (he still learning how to write and spell) if that dont work then its push ups for the both of them and last but not least if they dont get the hint after those forms of punishments then they get there but spanked good.

Answer 4

The 21 month old is the most difficult. My daughter is 20 months old, and we tell her NO! and if she continues, she gets put in her playpen in the hallway where she can't see anyone.
Time out also works well for a three year old, but remember they should only be in time out for the same amount of time as their age..3 minutes.
As for the 5 year old...every child has one thing they love...whether it's a toy, or something they like to do..something that is of value to them. Take that away as punishment. For example, my daughter can't live without dessert, so if she does something wrong, she knows she misses dessert that night...or longer depending on what she did.

Answer 5

Here's what I've done for my children, now ages 9 and 4.

For the 21 mos old-a firm "NO" and then divert his/her attention.
For the 3 year old- a time out according to age. So for three minutes.
For the five year old-take away priveledges. Such as take a toy away for a day or no T.V for a day.
Consistency is key-these will not work if you are not consistent.
Good luck, I know it's not easy!!

Answer 6

well,on kids as young as 21 mos about the only thing you can do is scold them and put them in time out. the 3 and 5 yr olds, depending on how much trouble they got into...we used to take privileges away from our kids(mine are 20,20,22,24 now!)it always worked great! we always praised them when they did something good, like took them out for dinner or ice cream or something special.i remember when our youngest son was in 4th grade he was struggling with passing one of his subjects several 6 weeks in a row.we had tried the usual thing of revoking privileges(we took his bicycle or video games,etc away)but wasn't helping.so we all talked about it as a family and made a pact to help jake pass his subject.as a reward for the entire family,we were to take a camping trip anywhere the kids wanted to go(within reason,of course).well,his older brother and sister helped him study etc...and he brought his grade up to an "a" on his last report card of the year!guess where we all went that summer?COLORADO! for 2 weeks camping trip,and our kids STILL talk about that trip and watch the home movie every time we are together.the point of this story is...do whatever it takes! every child and family is different,keep trying till you find what works in your situation! good luck!!

Answer 7

People who say, "Spare the rod, spoil the child" give me chills. It's truly, truly horrible to see this outdated methodology persist.

These are people who consider themselves "good people" and yet they think causing their children pain is okay. It might seem to work, but it is NOT okay.

A quote from Dr. Sears' 10 reasons not to spank your child:

"There is a classic story about the mother who believed in spanking as a necessary part of discipline until one day she observed her three-year-old daughter hitting her one-year-old son. When confronted, her daughter said, "I'm just playing mommy."

Answer 8

At my house I am the "bad one" and my husband is the "good one". We have a five year old little girl. He can spank her and she will laugh. I don't have to spank all I have to do is look at her and she cries. I think you have to gain that respect from an early age which is something that my husband did not do. She knows that I do not give her empty threats but will follow through with what I tell her. If she smarts off to me I will pop her in the mouth or wash her mouth out with Listerine, her daddy just tells her that he will do it but never follows through. I can take her out in to public and she minds me whereas he can't without buying her something to keep her quiet. I think the most important part of parenting is to follow through with the punishment or your kids will walk all over you. I know my daughter thinks her daddy is just one big play toy however she respects me.

Answer 9

For a 21 month old, I would say a slap on the wrist and a firm "no".

For a 3 yr. old, a warning first but if he still disobeys he gets a spanking.

For the 5 yr. old, do the same thing as you would for the 3 yr. old.


"Spare the rod, spoil the child"

Answer 10

I would say smack them. I have seen too many who have grown up without discipline become menaces to society. When they are old enough to understand non-physical punishment, then I would try to use other means. Positive reinforcement works if you can isolate those times when they do something good.