Not only can we not afford to take our family, we just found out that we are expecting a baby within days of the wedding. Some members of his family (including his daughter) are refusing to accept that my husband probably will not be able to attend. I may actually be in the hospital and we have a two year old who will need someone to take care of him. Both the bride and groom live in NJ/NY and are from our home town in PA. We understand their desire to be married somewhere special but does that mean that we are obligated to attend under such difficult circumstances?
2006-11-02 05:34:34 · 23 answers · asked by Cate Q 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
They sound like very selfish people and no consideration for others. Are they paying for the wedding themselves. Do they expect all invities to pay for flights/hotels/wedding gifts. I am sure you are not the only ones who cannot afford this type of wedding. If you are going to be giving birth, your husband should be with you not his spoiled brat daughter who only wants what she wants no matter who it hurts. You are not obligated at all!
2006-11-02 05:40:03 · answer #1 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 4⤊ 3⤋
What's missing from all your success and new-wealthy status is class. Those who wear their wealth comfortably don't talk like you do. "My fiance and I can easily afford it though because we are both quite successful." Also, your disdain for her wedding is NOT a secret. A classy girl's friends would have no idea of the WAY TOO MUCH being spent, and a classy girl would not assume her wedding is "probably the nicest that a lot of people have been to." If your husband-to-be comes from money and you don't, your insecurity is showing and you need to work on that. If you have earned your way to wealth, kudos, but you need to wear it more lightly or people will think you're tiresome. I already do. I'm the opposite of you -- I grew up in a rich family, but after my parents died and some dreary extended family drama I am penniless. Except my tech company is about to make it big. Anyway... Petunia, the only advantage to having a wealthy, pretentious friend is when the wealth rubs off on you. That means whatever you do for fun -- a fancy lunch, a spa day, hanging out at the club, shopping, whatever it is you people do -- bring her along. She's your friend, and you should tell her, "Hildegarde, I am in this exciting time of my life, and I want you to enjoy it with me. You're my friend, and one of my favorite bridesmaids. I've been so stressed with all the planning, I've neglected to have any fun with you lately."
2016-05-23 17:59:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that this is a really difficult one. I feel really bad for your husband. He must feel very stuck in the middle. Here's the thing... Weddings are such an incredible time in a woman's life, just as giving birth to a child is. On both days you want to be surrounded by the ones who you love and who love you the most.
My guess is that his daughter is feeling jealous that his father has re-married and that she will soon have another much younger brother or sister. She probably pictured growing up her father walking her down the aisle and playing with his grandchildren, not having children of his own the same age as her children. She's probably acting out and feeling like her dad should love her since she is his daughter more than he loves you who he's known for X amount of years. I'm not saying that his is right I'm just saying this is how she probably feels.
What this is probably going to come down to is who is the bigger person. I think you need to be there for your husband and acknowledge that this is a very difficult situation for him to be in. Tell him that you love him, that obviously you want him to be there with you when you give birth to your child, but that you know that if this baby is a girl that you would want him to be there with her to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. Suggest that at very least he fly in for the day. You are now putting the ball in his court. He may very well say "No honey, there is no way that I would leave you when you are about to go into labour at any minute." Or he may say "Honey thank you so much for understanding. You are an incredible woman." Even if he does go for the day it doesn't meen that he for sure will miss the birth of your child.
Now as for who pays for what for the wedding. I always suggest to my clients who would like financial support from their parents for their wedding that they sit down immediately with their parents and talk to them about what a reasonable financial contribution would be. If a couple wants to go beyond what there parents are contributing then they need to put that money together themselves. That way at the end there are no hidden suprises when the bills start rolling in. If this discussion hasn't already taken place I suggest your husband bring it up asap. For all that we know she and her fiance may have money put away for it, or perhaps her mother has told them that she will pay for it, or his parents. Regardless though it's a good idea to have your husband start some discussions.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope that everything works out for you and your family.
Crystal
2006-11-02 07:04:04 · answer #3 · answered by www.crystalweddings.ca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not obligated. There are circumstances under which it is completely understandable to not attend any function - even a wedding. I'm sure your husband would LOVE to go, but it sounds like he has to attend to more pressing committments; there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, the world doesn't stop just because someone has a wedding. You both can plan to go visit his daughter at a better time to make up for it.
I got married about a month ago; my parents live 6,000 miles away, and they couldn't both make it out. Only my dad came. My mom is coming to visit in two weeks. Would it not be unreasonable and stupid of me to make a huge fuss out of my mom not coming to the wedding? She had committments she could not forgo at the time, and I totally understood; I felt sad because she had to miss the wedding - because I knew she really wanted to go, not because I thought it was in any way a reflection of her feelings for me. His daughter sounds really selfish.
2006-11-02 06:31:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is expected to go because that is his daughter maybe he and your little boy can go to the wedding and your family can take you to the hospital because he has to walk his daughter down the isle
You really dont have to go because your just the step mom but your husband has to go let your step daughter have her special day where ever she wants to after all you did not its her turn and send your husband and record the birth of the baby your husband right now is between a rock and a hard place he probably does not want to hurt anybody at least if he goes to the wedding he can leave right after so you make the suggestion because your husband probably is having a hard time making a decision
2006-11-02 05:47:55 · answer #5 · answered by J 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you shouldnt feel obligated to go. However it does suck that her father cant be at her wedding. Since you guys cant make it offer somehting to make up for it. Invite family over for a wedding dinner or have a small reception in their favor. If you can afford it a family trip or even pay for their honeymoon. If that girl is old enough to get married she is old enough to understand the circumstances. See if you can see the wedding via webcam. someone can take a laptop and you guys can communicate through that. have fun congrats on the new addition to the family.
2006-11-02 05:41:58 · answer #6 · answered by keeping it real 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that expecting people to be there is RUDE!!! UNLESS THEY ARE PAYING!!!
Just decline the invitation. They get over it or they won't. Either way guests should NOT be expected to go into debt to attend a wedding ANYWHERE!!! & there ARE more important things in pepople's lives than THIS wedding.....
All of this B.S. about the bride's family is SUPPOSE to pay for the wedding is c.r.a.p.!!!! With prices & other obligations the bride's family should NOT & is NOT SUPPOSE to pay for the wedding. That went out in the 60's. If you want some gigantic wedding with the cost of things today, PAY FOR IT YOURSELF!!!! Otherwise scale down to something practical THAT "YOU" CAN AFFORD!!!! DON'T EXPECT OTHERS TO COVER THE COST OF SOME RIDICULOUS OVER BLOWN AFFAIR!!! You are still just as married. My husband & I were able to pay for a big fancy over done wedding, but we chose to save our money to buy our first house & we got married at a friend's house... PRACTICAL!!!!!! NOT A SHAMELESS DISPLAY!!!! THAT WE EXPECTED SOMEONE ELSE TO PAY FOR!!!!
2006-11-02 06:02:15 · answer #7 · answered by More Lies & More Smoke Screens 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say no. In a perfect world then your hubby could go and then be back for the impending birth. But, its not a perfect world unfortunately. Not only is it not affordable to you anyways, but the nail in the coffin is the birth of your child. Its not her vs your new child...its economics and practicality.
The daughter should have checked with her father to see if he could afford to go to the Bahamas before she chose there. If it was so important to her that he be at her wedding, that is one of the first things to consider...can the people most important to me attend? Answer no...then go to Plan B.
I recognize her dream wedding...but she sounds a bit spoiled to not be able to look at the whole thing practically and not selfishly. She can be disappointed, but its her choice to get married there. Is a destination more important than family? Thats her decision to make.
2006-11-02 05:56:22 · answer #8 · answered by Cariad 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It will sound mean, and I am sorry but.... If the daughter is counting on him to pay for the wedding and you can't afford to, then chances are you won't. With the expense of having a new baby coming (congrats and good luck) she needs to not be so selfish, while he should go to the wedding with out a doubt, what are the chances that she will have her dream wedding if her daddy can't pay for it? Weight those odds and she may have to postpone the wedding until he is able to pay for it.
2006-11-02 06:01:22 · answer #9 · answered by roxie2k3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be nice if your husband could go, but in no way, shape, or form, is he obligated. If his daughter can afford to throw a wedding in a resort out of the country, good for her. Not everyone has the money to do that or to go to it. If members of the family want him there, let them all chip in to get your husband there.
2006-11-02 05:47:30 · answer #10 · answered by schoolot 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
The father of the bride is suppose to pay for the wedding---is he?If not tell the person that is, the problem. I'm sure they can get a father figure to walk his daughter down the aisle.Do "we" have to go? let your husband attend, then he can come straight home.
2006-11-02 06:13:01 · answer #11 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋