Ok, here goes...my hubby looks at porn on our PC. I have caught him. The question is...in my heart, I consider it adultry because in the bible it clearly states that if you look upon a woman in lust...you have commited adultry in your heart. Well, then biblically...that is reason for divorce? Because, I want a divorce from my hubby and I want to do this biblically so that I will not be out of the will of God. This is not the only problems...He has physically abused me before, verbal abuse, cheated and could care less to spend any time with me or the children. He has stopped most of this stuff but still will not spend time with me. He has begged me to start over but after 4 years...I have nothing left to give. Please help!!!
2006-11-02 05:01:21 · 23 answers · asked by T&E 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Already tried couseling with a doctor and our Pastor...to no avail. I don't want to try agian. I just want a fresh start.
2006-11-02 05:14:44 · update #1
First, remember that the Bible is a message of restoration (both between men and between God and men) and should be looked upon as guidelines for maintaining a peaceful life and reconciling life to peace in times of conflict.
unfortunately, your husband has fallen into an addiction that is not easily broken. Men fight great battles trying to overcome their flesh in this way, and as a wife, while i am sure it is a painful situation, you have to understand that it is painful for him as well. If it were just a pornography issue, i would say that it is not a grounds for divorce because Christ uses the word "fornication" which i would suppose implies an act involving another person. That's just me.
However, once you bring into this equation the idea that he has cheated, you bring in a justified cause and grounds for divorce.
I think what you really need to realize is this: If you are trying to justify a carnal desire for divorce (and trying to justify that desire with God's word), then you cannot keep a good conscience about this. On the other hand, if you are truly seeking and desiring what is best for your family, then after much prayer, i would consider following through.
Look for true repentance in his heart, and if there is no fruit of any, you have no choice but to divorce.
2006-11-02 05:10:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The physical abuse is reason enough to separate, and get your children out of there if you have some.
The first part of your question frankly sounded to me as though you were looking for a legalistic excuse in the Bible for divorce.
I don-t think that was the intent of what Jesus was saying. He was warning men not to think themselves free of adultery if they were longing after some other woman in their heart.
Porn is another kind of problem. It eventually becomes a slavery. There are ways a loving wife can help with that.
You say "He has stopped most of this stuff" - now, I don't know just how much is most. Have you considered seeing a marriage counsellor together? If you both claim to be believing Christians, I would suggest a Christian counsellor. In my province, with an extremely high divorce rate, about 75% of those seeking therapy end up staying together, and well over 50% end up making notable progress in their relationship. That is in the secular world. I would think good quality Christian counselling could help even more.
But if your mind is already made up, that's up to you. Only don't try to find excuses to justify it. Just say: "I can't take it any more".
Because according to the same text you were referring to regarding adultery in the heart, if you call someone a fool, you are in danger of hellfire; if you keep anger toward someone, you should be taken to court, etc. There again, Jesus was just trying to point out that none of us are really fulfilling the law, so let's stop being self-righteous.
2006-11-02 05:12:03 · answer #2 · answered by Mr Ed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you attend a church? If so, go to the priest and tell him all this and seek his advice. He will know what the church says about divorce. I'm not sure of all the Christian sects, but in the Catholic Church, a civil divorce is not seen as truly divorcing your spouse. Once married in God's name, you are always married, even if the courts divorce you legally. The Catholic Church can annul your marriage, but this takes some time and both you and your husband have to talk with the priest so they can see that there was/is abuse, neglect, no love, etc. An annullment states that because of these things, the marriage vows that your husband said weren't valid and you were never 'really' married. If you are of another Christian denomination, you will have to seek that church's advice.
Does he admit that there are problems? Does he admit that he abused you? Will he get counseling? I truly feel that God does not intend us to stay in a loveless and abusive relationship with someone forever. He wants us to find happiness and peace. So divorce is exceptable to God if done for the right reasons. It's a church divorce that you are seeking, talk to a priest, pastor, reverend in your area.
You and your children are in my prayers. Good luck and God bless you all!
2006-11-02 05:11:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking for a Biblical reason to get a divorce is still not a good enough reason to get a divorce. God hates divorce and yes, while adultery is the only way to Biblically get one, looking for it is wrong. Maybe you are pushing him towards the porn as a way to find an excuse. Having nothing more to give doesn't seem like going the extra mile or loving your neighbor. Go to counseling, preferrably Christian counseling and work on your marriage. Disconnect the internet if necessary. You took vows and you need to do everything you can to make them work. He wants to work things out with you, so obviously, you need to do the christian thing and work it out with him, for yourself, for him, for your children, and for your Biblical values.
2006-11-02 05:06:44 · answer #4 · answered by ltlchk_2 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi Erica,
sorry about your hurt, but the rule of divorce was old Testament and applied to the jew, you are corect about the lust bit,but the divorce rule for this does not apply to Christians in quite the same way, i.e you can`t just walk,you must go thru your proper church proceedure for a divorce if you are Catholic,or by law if you are another Christian denomination.
either way have a private talk with your Priest/Minister, then decide what to do.
2006-11-02 05:13:00 · answer #5 · answered by Sentinel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It IS technically adultery, but pornography is an addiction that he could overcome with counselling, if he was a willing participant. You need to forgive him, though, for your own good, no matter how this ends up, so you won't be bitter, either with him, or with someone else in the future. Maybe talk to your pastor and his wife about this....I'm sure they'd be happy to help; that's why God called them.
Lord's Blessings !
2006-11-02 05:07:49 · answer #6 · answered by lookn2cjc 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Go to marriage counseling, and pray to God that he will heal your spirit and your marriage. If you hubby is still not willing to take a step forward, and continues to look a porn dispite how you feel. There is nothing you can do about it, and you can get divorced. But it also says that you arent to marry again.
2006-11-02 05:05:18 · answer #7 · answered by ♫O Praise Him♫ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
- Biblically, your divorce had merit when he cheated.
- You are correct his porn addiction is lustful therefore he is commiting adultry
- Before you divorce, for the sake of your family if he has changed (meaning is making an honest attempt) and if you can honestly forgive him, it would be more rewarding to work it out.
2006-11-02 05:13:14 · answer #8 · answered by righton 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I don't think you need to look for a Biblical loop hole for divorce. I believe God will understand if you leave this guy. If you feel you have given your all and don't trust him to start over, divorce him now and ask God to help you through it.
2006-11-02 05:10:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i might decide to be sure slightly a extra specified question. in spite of the indisputable fact that, in case you have been pertaining to the previous testomony, the regulation (different than the 10 Commandments) pronounced that no guy ought to take for himself yet another guy's spouse. The effect? Having your brains bashed out by capacity of a public stoning. and you theory detention center immediately replaced into undesirable. yet interior the recent testomony, Jesus pronounced that "...whoever seems at a female with lust has already dedicated adultery in his heart." And in accordance to the Bible, God judges a individual by capacity of his/her heart incredibly that what's on the exterior. So have been you pertaining to the previous testomony or the recent testomony?
2016-10-21 03:50:34 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋