How can I make him feel better about what happened?

Question

I used 2 take things slow with my ex(when we were together)we'd cuddle,hug,hold hands that kinda thing.he never had a g/f or kissed ne1 b4.I kissed him on the cheek one day. then a couple nights after we kissed(he was the aggressor).Things got overwhelming,we both got overly excited.I did touch him down there but didn't take it out. It got to the point I had 2 tell him we weren't going to have sex.so we agreed not to.I'm not too experienced with taking things slowly but I want to.he knew that.I think he got blue balls.he acted kool about not doing it. I just wanted him to love me first.it was too soon.when he took me home he was spazing out saying he didn't know what he was doing,that his mind was racing a mile a minute and that he was confused. So if I gave him blue balls,and that's the reason why he didn't give me a real answer to why he stoped calling me.what can I do 2 make him feel better?all I want 2 do is cuddle and kiss.I just need 2 relax and kiss slowly/gently.what do u think

he's was 21 when this happened,will be 22 on the 18th. I just turned 24 in September.

He used 2 avoid me when he'd see me at my work,where he used 2 work( we went out after he quit).I confronted him this august and told him that I don't hate him. he's seen me twice in the past two weeks and we lock eyes. when he was going to his car he kept looking at me,it seemed we both were waiting 4 the other 2 say hi first,and he was afraid 2. might have thought I was mad since I didn't say hi when I saw him standing next to me at work,he was at the register beside me and I think he said hi but I wasn't sure so I looked down and then talked to my friend. (girl)

Answer 1

Just tell him how you feel. Keep taking things slowly, there isn't a rush for that stuff.

Answer 2

I think that I need to tell you something If this guy is shy and you approached him and it seems you both love each other why not start a real relationship a shy guy is not going to cheat on you they have a hard enough time getting to know you CZ they are so shy so I would say you got a good man there but you are getting him worked up and that is not very nice so if you want to wait on having sex don't keep getting him worked up and a hand job is not going to make him that happy he wants you some men don't do that I understand waiting for sex was 23 when I first got married and we waited till the wedding night! but my bride was in the bathroom crying she was so scared to have sex even then!!! but my wife will tell you that it is not that bad the first time yes it hurts some but if you love the guy the passion is worth the little bit of pain you get the first time!!!! also if you go to the doctor you can have a operation instead they can give you so you don't rip if you want to but that should be done 6 weeks before sex before the wedding night so you have enough time to heal and they numb you so you don't feel it and it is what they do for very old virgins that are getting married like a nun!!!! if she decides to get married they did that surgery on my wife's aunt she was a virgin and engaged to get married at 55 for the first time and her hubby was 55 and neither had every been married before!!!! they even were interview by a paper that was cool they called the artic "never say never" they met tho my wife's mom so they were introduced by the sister so cute!!

also don't let the age thing bother you I have known people who where 22 years apart in age and were married for 59 a half years before the first one died!!! as long as you love each other!!!!

just give it a try it sound s like it was meat to be!!!
sounds like fate has brought you two togeather!!!

congrats!!!

Answer 3

It does not sound like the two of you should be getting physical untill you both identify why you are getting physical. Are you both looking for a long term relationship or just a physical fling. Do not let your physical desire lead you into a relationship that may not be what you really want. I can tell that this guy is a bit overwhelmed by what happened and he probably is not exactly ready for a physical relationship. Cuddling and kissing is fun and the two of you can enjoy this but beware it is very intimate and can lead to other things, so lay down the rules with him and let him know that the two of you should keep it PG13.

Answer 4

I'm glad you specified your age I was starting to wonder. Well if you can talk to him now, I think you just need to reassure him that everything is ok. Maybe he feels embarrased and somewhat frustrated because his body and his head are competing. Offer to slow things down again and tell him everything is ok, you're not embarrased aboout his sexuality so he shouldn't be either. Start things slowly, maybe he'll give it another shot and then you too can worry about the rest later

Answer 5

He probably feels all confused just like you, call him and just say you wanted to make sure everything was cool between you to no hard or weird feelings about what happened and see what he says. At least the lines of communication will be opened and don't worry about "blue balls". If women can live with PMS then men will also survive with blue balls I promise.

Answer 6

Kissing softly leads to intimidation and temptation.Cuddling by itself is probably what you need most at this point.Let him know that you were not doing the kissing part to tease him but you were trying to feel him out(no pun intended) to see what his reaction would be and not to give him blue balls.Ladies ,you have the right to change your minds when the feeling is appropiate but remember that men can't control the urge as good as women once they start to happen.When men get excited (hormonally speaking) they get an erection and it is difficult to contain its' "feeling" for lack of better terms and contain the excitement.

Answer 7

Cuddling and kissing are one thing. When you start to kiss passionately...french kiss and then begin to run your hands all over one another like a roadmap then you've set wheels into motion that when you stop them aren't received too kindly.

In all actuality the male is supposed to have the cooler head because we know how we get. You getting to the point you did was a sort of signal to him to continue. He should have exercised abit more discipline though. He apparently stopped calling because he considered you a "Charlie-Tango". A rather vulgar term that was used in my day for females who enjoyed getting men excited...then stopped. for you older males out there...you know which term I mean.
However...forget him kid. You're only going to get yourself in hot water all over again. learn from your past. You know now what happens when things start rolling too fast. "Blue balls" as you call them are most uncomfortable and take hours to stop aching. Wonderous thing how the prostate works..isn't it?
So..look for another guy. If things begin to get out of hand you put the stop to it. Don't let it continue.

Answer 8

You must be young - please dont rush into anything for starters, stand your ground on this. You do not need any drama in your life, keep things simple and just be open, discuss things openly its so much easier and less chaotic. If hes not mature enough to handle an open discussion about what both of you expect and such than hes not worth the relationship.

Answer 9

Next time invite him to take it out and masturbate, that will relieve his blue balls. You do not have to participate in this but you can watch if you want, it may even help him to get off faster. Good luck and continue to take it slow.

Answer 10

first of all he should understand from the begining that you don't want to have sex, so what ever happens it has to stay within a limit and if he loves you and or cares about you he will ubderstand but if he doesn't don't worry about it just leave him alone theres other guys out there that will respect your wishes.. good luck and stick to your beliefs..