2006-11-02 04:32:52 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I like this one - even if its not "politically correct"
BILL AND HILLARY AT THE BALL GAME
Bill and Hillary are at the Red Sox -Yankees Game; sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them.
One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.
At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the
agent, and shakes his head "no".
The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."
Bill hesitates, but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it.
Bill shrugs his shoulders and! says, "Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere
Hilly baby..."
With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.
She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you "!^$#@&!"
The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting, hollering, and high-fiving.
Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"
Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.
"Sir," the agent replies, "I said they want you to throw out the first
Pitch."
2006-11-02 04:35:56 · answer #1 · answered by akelaamy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A bloke has been in the pub all day. He drinks his last drop and thinks to himself 'I better be off home'. He steps down from his bar stool and falls flat on his face. He look surprised not realising he was that drunk and decides to pull himself back up on to the stool for 5 minutes. The 5 minutes pass and he steps down once more, but again he falls flat on his face. After repeating this a couple more times he decides to crawl across the pub floor and pull himself up on the pubs front door, whilst everyone's staring. He finally gets outside, take one step, and again down he goes. He thinks to himself 'That's it, I'm just going to crawl the rest of the way home. Across the field he goes, down his road, up his garden path and then in to his house and up the stairs where he collapses in bed. The next morning he wakes up and looks to his wife with an embarrassed grin on his face.'You'll never guess what I did last night', he says, 'I already know', his wife replies, 'You left your wheelchair inthe pub'!
2006-11-02 04:41:50 · answer #2 · answered by David J 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A guy walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing chap. He chugs back a beer and says, "All the guys on this side of the bar are c%$ksuckers! Anyone got a problem with that?"
Everyone is understandably silent.
He then, chugs back another beer and says, "All the guys on the other side of the bar are motherf&*(%$rs! Anyone got a problem with that?"
Everyone is silent, again.
Then one man gets up from his stool and starts to walk toward the man.
"You got a problem, buddy?"
No, I'm just on the wrong side of the bar!"
After a hot, hard day's work Joe went into a bar to quench his thirst. He walked up to the bar and asked the bartender for a beer.
The bartender replied "There's one thing every man has to do here before getting served. You have to tell me the name of your penis."
Joe thought it was a bit silly and asked the bartender what he named his. The bartender said " I named mine Nike...like you know... just go for it!"
So he thought about it for a few minutes then said " I got one... Secret." The bartender said "Why Secret?" Joe said "Well... it's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."
The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...
"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?"
The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My wife."
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".
The Mexican man of course agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
2006-11-02 05:02:59 · answer #3 · answered by JohnRingold 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady near a park bench
sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home.
He makes love to me every
morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes,
sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my
favourite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon".
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a
gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then makes
love to me until 2:00 a.m.
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!!!!"
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
2006-11-02 04:40:56 · answer #4 · answered by shoosh_b 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Q: how do you know if the person in the bathroom is a man or a woman?
Answer???
Wait for them to get out...
2006-11-02 04:39:09 · answer #5 · answered by mcznoa23 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what did the dick say to the condom, "cover me, i'm going in." also, why was 6 afraid of 7, because 7,8,9.
2006-11-02 05:13:05 · answer #6 · answered by ShayMonYou 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
2 peanuts walk into a bar.......one was assaulted
2006-11-02 04:41:16 · answer #7 · answered by Benno 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
two men walked into a building.... you'd a thought one of erm would have seen it !!
2006-11-02 04:38:17 · answer #8 · answered by dididdleydihi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey akelaamy......extremely funny! LOL
David J........yours was excellent too.
:-)
2006-11-02 04:43:10 · answer #9 · answered by kiako 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋