HELP - stuck in the middle......?

Question

K my best mate is a guy - Ive recently become quite good mates with his girlfriend of 6 months and chat to them both quite a bit. However - shes now trying to get me to suss out his intentions are to her/ what he thinks of her/what he says about her etc - I dont want to be stuck in the middle - but dont want to be a blatantly honest and tell her Im not really up for being a go between but I am getting uncomfortable with it.
Ive tried telling her its not really fair to be telling her stuff he tells me in confidence - but her problem is shes REALLY insecure and I think she wants me to assure her he really loves her. Other than this - shes a great girl and I like her alot - so dont want to stop being as friendly with her.
Any advice greatly appreciated on how to deal with this - thanks. xx

I am trying to stay out of it guys - just need help on how to get her to stop asking!!!

grasshopper - Ive been best mates with this guy for the last 16 years - never been romantically involved with him and defo we dont fancy each other - so no Im not going to turn my back on the friendship.

Answer 1

I do believe you are going ot have to be blatantly honest. In any friendship/relationship - you will have to set your own boundaries - what you will & won't allow. I think you should set those boundaries with her, tell her "I think you are a great person, I think he is a great person...but I will have nothing to do with your relationship. I want you both to be happy, but that is within yourselves to find, not by me being the middle man. If you are having a problem with security then you need to discuss that with him and/or a professional who can help you. Its not my place and I will not be the one in the middle"
If she doesn't understand that and doesn't respect that, then she isn't as great of a girl as you think and you shouldn't want to be friends with someone who lacks repect for you!
Good luck!

Answer 2

I was just in a situation just like this and it all blew up in my face. My friend of 25 years wanted her husband to have more friends so she gave me his email address and phone number. The three of us would go out to lunch. I thought everything was fine. Then one day she accused me of cheating. Now you might not have that problem, but when ever there is someone that is insecure...bad things happen. Take some time away from them for a while. Tell them you are bussy with work. I really miss my best friend and I never saw it coming.

Answer 3

Sounds like someone I know....Try fishing for the root of her insecurities (not too deep though) and turn them into positives. When she asks you, turn the question around and try positioning her to answer her own questions.
If in doubt
a) subtly avoid the subjects in question
b) have a quiete word with the guy without letting the cat out of the bag
c) use humour to distract her...

Answer 4

My advice to you, Pamela O, is to tell 'K's' girlfriend that he's secretly saving money so he can buy her an engagement ring and he wants to buy a big house with a garden for their two children to play in.

Pam, please don't say any of that 'I can't lie for him' crap because that is what best friends do for each other, otherwise you aren't a best friend and instead you're a phony.

I'm sorry if my advice sounds too harsh but I married my 'best friend' and she divorced me too.

My final biased piece of advice, based on severe hurt and betrayal, is to 'K' and my suggestion is for him is to get a hobby, make new friends and find a new best friend, preferably male.

Answer 5

Here's what to do:

Sit the person down and in firm, sure tones, tell your friend that you do not want to do this because it makes you feel uncomfortable, also, tell her that you are friends with both of them, and do not want to go snooping behind another friends back! Tell her that it doesn't suit you and you can't be doing it as it may hurt your relationship with your male friend. (and eventually, this guy will cotton on to what is going on) so for all your sakes, don't do it, It happened to me once, and i broke off my relationship with my (then) girlfriend and my best mate as he was snooping behind my back.

Answer 6

You're just a friend of two love birds, and what i know is ral lovers keep their matters just between the two of them...so if you want to main your friendship with lovers, then keep your mouth shut to the individual lovers. When one tries to tell you something about the other just say,"I think it will be better if you talk to your partner about it, with that it'll keep your relationship going", then smile and wink and change the subject.

Answer 7

Stay neutral. At the end of the day, you loyalties lie with your bloke friend so to go behind his back like that is unfair. To get her to stop asking you need to reassure her. Say something like"I know how much he loves you, everyone can tell." or "Trust me, I've known him for years and I've never seen him this happy" - stuff like that.

Answer 8

Well...... OK. this woman is really insecure, right? if her man loves her, tell her. however, you don't need mention things he says or does. this his business. tell her you don't want to be the go between. there's nothing wrong with that. ask how she would feel if you told him everything she said. if that doesn't work, maybe you should tell him.

Answer 9

Are you sure K that you are only a friend of this guy? or do you love him some ware in your hart? If you are just friend, get boyfriend for your self, the confusion will solve by it self. If you want I would be your boyfriend!

Answer 10

I would just tell her that you are not going to tell her what he confides in you and you would appreciate it if she would stop asking you. Tell her that if she has any doubt about their relationship she needs to talk him about it and voice her concerns to him. They are the ones in this relationship and if they cannot communicate together then the relationship is doomed.