any advice on getting over guilt about being a working (outside the home) mom?

Question

I'm going back to work in a week after being home for five and a half years-hoorah-great job, excellent pay, found an A-one daycare for my 3.5 year old, found an afterschool nanny for 6 year old and 8 year old-should be home by 5:30 each night to make dinner etc. Husband is doing the AM school kid drop off. Still, I'm just trying to shake the inner angst. Any coping suggestions?

Answer 1

You will be a more effective mother once working because you will be "you" the person, not you the mother. Your kids will be able to share their day with you and you will have something to share with them other than that you did the laundry and dusted that day. The extra income will also afford you more social activities on the weekends and extra money to put away for their college funds. You will have a greater sense of self. Trust me, I have been there. I work because I want to, not because I have to. Both of my children are in school, and Daddy drops them off in the mornings and I am home an hour after them in the evenings. We also do Tae Kwon Do together a minimum of 4 nights a week My son always loved his daycare/preschool. He made lots of friends and learned a lot as well. Good Luck.

Answer 2

You have to do what you have to do. I took ten weeks off when I had my twins and then recently had five weeks off with them again when I had my hysterectomy. It isnt easy going to work after being with your kids. However, they do get use to it. At first it may be difficult for both you and your children, but try easing them into it. Leave you 3.5 year old for an hour or two at daycare before you actually have to start leaving him all day. Let him adjust to it.

Understand that you have to be you and working outside the home will allow you to be more the person you are other than mommy. Which dont get me wrong is a pretty great person in itself to be.

Make sure you make special time for each of the kids and enjoy the time you have. You will actually enjoy and appreciate your family much more than you ever thougth you would once you are not with them all the time

Answer 3

First off, I hope you do not read Laissez's answer and feel quilty- she made it sound awful to be a working mom...I am a single mom..therefor I have to work.

It was very hard for me to do it, since my son was only 7 and a half weeks old- and he is my only child, which made it harder being that I was a "new" mom. He is now almost 2 and he loves his school and all the kids- that helps me get over the guilt the fact that he loves it so much- I liked all the answers, except the ones that try and make you feel bad- you are doing what you have to do- just make sure that when you get home from work, you focus on them- talk about your days, play games, do arts and crafts- hang their art projects on the wall- Let them know that even though you are not with them at all times, that they are on your mind- I have my sons artwork at my desk, as well as pics of he and I. I also frame some of his finger paintings and have them in the living room- He loves looking at them-

They are right, being in a daycare, your child will get sick, and there will be doctors appointments (we have had two this week). BUT your child probably loves all the friends and arts and crafts projects that they get to do- and he gets to "make" for his mommy-

Trust me it gets better, and you will find that you treasure the rare sick days that you get with your child...

Answer 4

They are getting older, and they will be having friends over more and more. You working will upset them that you aren't around as much, but not for long. The 3.5 year old in a daycare is what I would worry about. You may have a new job, but they get sick all the time in daycares putting things in their mouths and sharing things with other sick children. You will be taking off alot of days for doctors! It's always good for a mom to have time to herself... even at work, and everything will be fine. Just keep doctors in mind.

Answer 5

I have been both a working mom and a SAHM, and I agonized over both decisions. I know how you feel. On one hand, one wants to raise their own child and not leave them in the care of strangers. On the other, one wants to help earn the family's money and have adult interaction every day. It's a hard coin toss!

All I can tell you is to not let the guilt bother you. You seem to be excited about the job and it sounds like a good fit in your schedule. Give it some time, it will take some getting used to. But all will be fine!

Answer 6

A little seperation is good for all of you. Just make sure that the time you have together is fun for you all. My kids are teens now, but we still make time to spend together, - watch a good movie or a favorite TV show, play games (monopoly, scrabble, cards) on Friday nights before they go out. (Loser usually has to do the dishes)

I worked, but we always made time for each other, and we still do. One night my 18 year old stayed home to bake cookieds instead of going to the movies with her friends. Next thing I knew, 3 of her friends said this would be more fun.

Quality of Time - NOT Quantity.

Answer 7

The best way to get over that is to read the studies on children of working mom's. It will make you feel a LOT better. Especially when you see how they fare better in real life situations. You realize you are teaching them to get along better in the world.

Now my son has "separation anxiety" and is 13. He got it from his biological mother being so distant and leaving him alone often as a small chiild. I stayed home a year and almost went in to bankruptcy because I wanted to be sure he was ready for me to go back to work - and consequently, not be home when he gets here after school - which he HATES and scares him.

I have gotten over the guilt of it by explaining to him (and myself) that this will help him learn to be more responsible for himself and is a way for him to better himself emotionally and financially by overcoming this anxiety problem and he can earn money doing extra chores around the house. He agreed that it was best for the family if I work and get us out of this overwhelming debt and it teaches him that financial responsibility doesnt go away and is important as well as all the other things in keeping a family growing and strong. He knows that he comes first because I stayed home with him until he was ready, so now he is willing to face the anxiety and overcome it now that he feels more confident.

Answer 8

I have friends who have worked in daycare and babysitting for years. It is so sad to see hear the stories of parents who can afford very expensive daycare and abandon their children to pursue their dream of self-fulfillment. Every older working mom I've met wishes they had saved the money they spent on daycare and enjoyed and raised their children instead of passing off this incredibly crucial responsibility to some unknown employee. You are the only mom your children will ever have. Cherish the time you can spend with them and don't just leave them the leftovers like they're some kind of dog to be walked at the end of your work day.

Answer 9

Look at is as being healthy for you. I think being a stay at home mom is a wonderful job, but face it...it is very hard to fulfill YOUR needs. I was a stay at home for 7 years when I finally went back to work outside the hom. As much as I loved being at home with my children, it was that much more rewarding to come home to them and have them excited to see me. Just make sure you spend quality time with them when you are home. And above all, enjoy your adult time. It is soooo very rewarding and necessary to have people to talk to other than your children!

Answer 10

when you get home, greet the children and spend some time with them. then invite them to help with dinner (simple jobs like washing vegtables are always fun for kids) and have everyone sit down and eat. then have quality time with them playing a quick board game or reading them a story before bed. and for weekends, spend as much time as you can "catching up" with the famiy time.