Alright- I'm going to try and make a long story short...
I was with my 18 month old sons 'father' for 2 years, We were friends for 5 years before that, We had our fair share of ups and downs, Including quite a bit of domestic violence (him abusing me), As well as cheating..Anyway- I got pregnant, And 5 months into it, He decided to go back to an ex gf, Who had just given birth to his child. Afterwards, He claims he still wants to be involved in my childs life, That he will help w/what he can etc...I called him the night before I was to go in and be induced with my son, All he could do was yell and scream at me, And tell me what a horrid person I was etc..So he wasn't there for the birth of my son, As a matter of fact, After I had my son, I realized, I wasn't going to deal with all of the drama that would be if I were to let the 'SD(sperm donor) be involved in his life, So, I told him, I didn't want any contact with him what so ever, As far as I was concerned, he was dead to me...
2006-11-02 02:00:18 · 13 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
And from then on, It was nothing but drama, From both him and his (now) ex gf/other babies mother..He would call and harass my parents, myself, My friends..Anyway- I was just wondering, Am I wrong, For not letting him in my sons life? He has never taken it upon himself to send my son even so much as a birthday card, christmas gift, Nothing...And when he WAS calling, he wasn't calling to see how my son was doing, He would call to start an argument with me. My son is now 18 months old, And for the last 11 months, My fiance has been the one to care for, love, and be a father to my son...WIll my son grow up and 'hate' me for not letting his 'biological father' in his life?!?!
2006-11-02 02:03:24 · update #1
The last time I even heard anything from the 'SD' was about 3 months ago, And the only reason he started contacting me again, Was becaue him and the mother of his other children broke up (He's not allowed to speak to me when they are together) I've told him from day 1, I would not go after Child Support, (Not that he works anyway)..I just wanted him to back away, And leave us alone if he was going to pop in and out of our lives.
He has only TALKED about taking me to court, But will not act upon it because of the money involved for lawyers and such.
And, When my son is old enough to actually understand, I have every intention of telling him about the 'SD'..I have pictures of him put up, And his baby book has his 'SD's' info in it. I plan on leaving it up to him as to what he does then...
I just don't want him to hate or despise me for not telling him, and/or introducing him to his SD way before he's old enough to understand.
2006-11-02 02:10:39 · update #2
Also, I figure, If he REALLY wanted to be involved in my sons life, He would make every attempt to..He would call, And instead of starting trouble, Or talking trash about my now fiance, He would ask how my son is doing..Or if he REALLY and TRULY wanted to see my child, He would take me to court, I'm sure legal aid works for men just as well as it does women...Yet he's never attempted doing any of these things.,
2006-11-02 02:13:01 · update #3
No, His name is not on the Birth Certificate..He's never even seen my son in person, Never made a true attempt to.
I also forgot to mention, The girl, That he has 2 other children with, Her children were taken from her this past May, And put into foster care, Because he allegedly 'beat' the smallest one (she was 4 months at the time)...The baby was taken to the hospital with 'Shaken baby syndrome' and it occured while she was in his care, Last I heard, It was still going through the courts, That he hadn't been offically charged with anything yet.
2006-11-02 02:15:53 · update #4
Be strong and keep the moron out of your son´s life. He forfeited his parental rights when he left while you were pregnant. If he really wanted to be part of your son´s life he would have sent him something for his birthday and Christmas and he would call you to talk about the baby and not start a fight. You have a made a great choice and I wish you good luck
2006-11-02 02:14:06 · answer #1 · answered by Eileen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good or bad he does have a right to be in the baby's life. What you need to remember is that there is no you and him, it's only him and your son.
The best bet is to call the domestic courts and ask about putting in a visitation order. The court will spell out specifically what the perameters are and what he can and can't do. That being done, he will have no reason to have any contact with you other than dropping off and picking up.
And with his history, visitation might even be supervised by the court - and he will HAVE to pay child support.
2006-11-02 10:07:29 · answer #2 · answered by ksmpmjoll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are doing the right thing. If he wants to be a part of his son's life, let him get a lawyer and fight for it! Good Luck and Congrats on being a Mom.
Note - Just saw your addition and No your son will not hate you for looking out for his best interest. If he wants to find out about his "Father" he will and he will learn on his own what kind of a person he is.
2006-11-02 10:04:30 · answer #3 · answered by Lt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in exactly the same position
When I was in refuge we all called our babies dads sperm donors.
Only I was married to him-so I have to take my lovely baby girl to see him at the contact center.Only I'm not going-
When I contacted him earlier on in the year I was told by a freind to leave him alone cos I was a fruitcake,
This nasty piece of work left me when my baby was 2 weeks old and I'd had a C-Section as well as having 2 other girls-He kept leaving and returning as and when it pleased him-He'd hit my kids and shove me around-He was so aggresssive
But now i'm in beautiful council house that he'd kill for and I have his baby all to myself-
Babe don't give in-Don't let him see the baby-Cos if he loved the kid-He would respect it's mother.
Tell him to f*ckoff
2006-11-02 10:08:42 · answer #4 · answered by Elle J Morgan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was his name on the birth certificate? You can go to family services and have a test done to prove if he is the father or not for free usually. He doesn't have to be involved with your life, but he damn sure needs to step up to the plate for his responsibilities as a father. He needs to be helping with maintaining support, insurance, housing, etc... It's the law! It's alright if you want him dead to you; that's your demons, but he needs to take responsibility for his actions. Drama or not, your son deserves a decent life; including interaction with his father; even if it has to be supervised.
2006-11-02 10:11:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yep.you have a problem and I feel for you but yes the natural father has rights.Get some legal advice and work out a plan.You see the s.d.will eventually show him self for who he really is good or bad and the child will eventually make it's own choices regarding the s.d .involvement,but neither will blame you or your new guy for interfering.just love the kid and do whats right and you and your now man will reap the rewards of parents.
2006-11-02 10:13:38 · answer #6 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not wrong in you not wanting contact but he does have a tie that binds. He could easily go to court and demand visitation or even partial custody. So think on this carefully.
You could go to court get him for child support then have it arranged for visitation. never speak ill of him in front of your child. it will only make the child more clingy onto the bad parent.. Or you could tell him I will not go for child support if you sign away your rights to the child. he does that he can never bother you again with this. He can see the child he will not have the right too.
hard choice. think long and hard.
2006-11-02 10:06:57 · answer #7 · answered by Karen K 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No not at all. Your are right. If he is bothering you too much take legal action. If for a sake we take a emotional consideration about him then where he was when you and your child was most needed him. show him the stronger side of you. dont mess with your child's future with the shadows fo such a person.
2006-11-02 10:19:13 · answer #8 · answered by sami s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
consider yourself lucky to find out what he is really like before. you got a misery in life. i would speak with a lawyer and explain the situation to find out what the law says about father's rights - but, if he is not paying child support, i don't consider him a father and hopefully the law doesn't either. good luck with baby!
2006-11-02 10:12:32 · answer #9 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl you are doing the right thing and when your son gets older and wants to know about his dad then let him know. He will not despise you for anything. So dont worry, keep doing what you are doing.
2006-11-02 10:24:13 · answer #10 · answered by homie_j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋