Does anyone know any good jokes? I always forget them.?

Answer 1

*Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."

So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."

So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."

So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"*

Answer 2

Read This Pasage

Why Newton Commited Suicide





Here is the reason. Why Newton Commited Suicide.....

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil
movies that had his
head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and
laws in
physics
were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for
everything he had
done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to
such an extent
that
he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to
the doctors can't
be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the
fights, our great
Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's
surprise, the bullet
passes through his ears taking away the tumor along
with it and he is
cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3
gangsters.
Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one
bullet and a knife.

Guess, what he does?

He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots
the bullet towards
the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces,
which kills both
the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster &
the knife kills
the
middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth
has a revolver
but
no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even
in your
remotest
imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the
gangster shoots,
Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his
revolver and catches
the
bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and
fires his gun.
Bang... the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was
completely shaken
and
decided to go back. But he happened to see another
movie for one last
time, and thought that at least one movie would follow
his theory of
physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy
that all in
the
world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' f! inally arrives.
Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the
other side of a
very
high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if
he tries like
one of those superman techniques that our heroes
normally use.
Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain
because it's the
climax.
(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually
impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets.
He throws one
gun
in the air and when the gun has reached above the
height of the wall,
he
uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the
first gun in air.
The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton commits suicide...

Answer 3

1. HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?
You boil the hell out of it.

2. WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
Dam.

3. WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE?
Polaroids.

4. WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A stick

5. WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS?
Nacho cheese

6. WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS?
Subordinate Clauses.

7. WHAT DO YOU CALL 4 BULLFIGHTERS IN QUICKSAND?
Quatro sinko.

8. WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW?
Spoiled milk

9. WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A nervous wreck

10. WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS?
Right where you left him.

11. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP?
Anyone can roast beef

12. WHY DO GORILLAS HAVE BIG NOSTRILS?
Because they have big fingers

13. WHY DON'T BLIND PEOPLE LIKE TO SKY DIVE?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog

14. WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC?
Sanka.

15. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HARLEY AND A HOOVER?
The location of the Dirt Bag.

16. WHY DOES A PILGRIMS PANTS ALWAYS FALL DOWN?
Because they wear their belt buckles on their hat.

17. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BAD GOLFER AND A BAD SKYDIVER?
A bad golfer goes whack, damn. A bad sky diver goes damn, whack.

18. HOW DO YOU CATCH A UNIQUE RABBIT?
Unique up on it.

19. HOW DO YOU CATCH A TAME RABBIT?
Tame way, unique up on it.

20. WHAT DO YOU CALL SKYDIVING LAWYERS?
Skeet.

21. WHAT GOES CLOP, CLOP CLOP, BANG, BANG, CLOP, CLOP, CLOP.
An Amish drive-by-shooting.

22. HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND TENNESSEE DIVORCE THE SAME?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer

Answer 4

One of the local television stations in South Louisiana is reported to have actually aired this interview with a black woman from New Orleans.

The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate. She asked the woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives.


Without hesitation, the woman replied, "I don't know about all those other people, but we haven't gone to Churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's".

The look on the interviewer's face was said to be priceless.

Answer 5

I either forget the punch line or the line that sets the punch line up - not good at jokes either - what does that say about us I wonder!@

Answer 6

Why do gorillas have big nostrills?
Coz they have big fingers

Why was Piglet looking in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh

Mommy, mommy can I lick the bowl?
No dear, you have to flush like everyone else.

Waiter, do you have frog legs?
No sir, I walk like this.

OOGA

Answer 7

Um....little bit rude...:

A guy goes into the doctor's surgery and the receptionist says, can I help you?

Guy says, yeah I've got a problem with my c*ck,

Receptionist says :Goodness you can't say that out loud in here, all the other patients will hear you!

Guy goes out and thinks. He comes in again and says I've got a problem with my ear.

Receptionist, Oh, what's wrong with it
Guy say, I'm having trouble pissing out of it!

Answer 8

I, unlike most people write my own jokes such as this one. I was dating this girl who had asthma, she said I took her breath away.

Answer 9

Look in the mirror.

Answer 10

What do soy beans and vibrators have in common?
They are both meat substitutes.