How do I change myself...or do I really need to change..?

Question

I have this typical problem...I find everybody and all to be good and I open up too fast to them and I get cheated....really speaking..I dont have anybody to rely on to..no parents ..no siblings.no friends..(they are too busy).and people I come across I find after hearing this that I dont have a parental back up in todays society they just pity me..and they try use me.I am very sensitive and emotional i agree but is that a crime?if I dont see any wrong in people and believe them does it look i am at fault...I can't speak up for myself.I know all would tell me I need to change this...I am true..and I speak my heart out but people take advantage of me.they keep my secrets and then blackmails me some way..divasted in my mind..I feel its becoming hard for me too survive..I need some one to help me...I dont know if somebody out there can really talk to me help me sort this out...

I agree that I am stupid or may be having some sort of problem..but yet will ne body be there to help?

Answer 1

YOU ARE NOT STUPID...but this is the clue to your problem. You have a very low self-esteem and are possibly depressed as well.

You need to talk to a therapist who will not tell you that you are worthless or blackmail you. They can help you to deal with your problems and develop a better outlook on yourself.

As far as changing the type of person you are, other than being a bit less naive (most of us learn this in time through experience), there is nothing wrong with the kind of person you are.

Answer 2

You shouldn't change yourself, but you need to adjust your beliefs some. Nice is a good thing; too nice isn't. You need to have some trust in people and you need to put yourself out there in order to find a guy. There will never be an absolute perfect moment where you will meet someone without putting yourself out there-- it just doesn't happen. Have pride in yourself. Be proud that you are secure enough to approach guys. If you're honest to yourself and him, fun and you two genuinely enjoy each others' time, you won't get played. And even if you do, there is no saying that the perfect situation you want will NOT result in you getting played. You can't be scared of being a bad girlfriend. Focus on the qualities that will make you a good girlfriend and work on those. Shift to positive thinking. Finally, nothing is ever perfect. Even the most perfect diamond has flaws. Some things you have to accept and build upon. There is no reason you cannot be yourself AND find the right guy.

Answer 3

The thing that alarms me the most is that you said you agree that you are stupid.I dont believe you are stupid.I think you are like me.I have 6 kids.I dont need advice or support raising them just would be nice to tell or brag to someone about the littlest things they do.I found out that I can not really trust no one.Its hard to find a true friend that will not spread your life story to those that it does not concern.People will take avantage of you.I have 6 kids and my so called friend has 6 kids.I would watch them every Friday and Saturday so she could go to bingo and sometimes during the week.never would charge her a penny.I noticed that when I was having a hard time with my own kids and my mom was dieing I told her I can not babysit for awhile.After 2 weeks she offer me money and only 2 of the kids to watch since I was having money problems and was so stressed out.I did watch them a few times for pay.I moved out of state shortly after my mom passed away.I was calling my friend.At first it was ok but after 2 weeks she stopped answering her cell phone and has never called me once since I moved.She can call for free after 8pm but wont.So no you can not trust anyone and I really dont know if there is a such thing as true friendship.I have learn to still be nice to everyone I meet but I do not really become friends with them.I dont do favors for no one nor do I give anything for nothing.I will not be walked on no more.I am a very nice caring person.You need to do the same.I know its hard to build that wall between you and social life but it dont make no sence to keep getting used.

Answer 4

First of all you are not stupid,

I know it is hard to find someone who you can rely on. Do not give up hope. As far as I can see from what you put you are a good hearted person and deserve more then that in life. As for changing "DON"T" you are who you are, however you can not let people push you around ether,but that is truly up to you and what you want for your self.

I wish I could do more to help you so if you want to speak your heart out to me I will liston and try to get a better understanding as to what is going on an hopefully help you. Feel free to contact me, If you need to talk I am here


Best Wishes

bullz_eye

Answer 5

People in general try to take advantage of each other, so I doubt you're experiencing anything out of the ordinary.

In your case, I'd say its better to shut your mouth about your personal issues. Secrets not told to others can't come back on you in the form of blackmail...

I have a theory that that are 2 kinds of person in the world.

Those that have problems, and everybody wants to help them through them...

and

Those that have problems and either nobody cares or those that do want to exploit the problems.

You and I happen to be the second type. Just practice being vigilant and reliant on yourself alone.

Answer 6

Hi dear , ur not sounding stupid , but lacking confidence .
Remeber an important leadership trait it to exhibit confidence . No matter what , always keep a distance with people unless u know them really well over the years . Dont trust people just like , it doesnt hurt if u have a feeling for them ...
But dont take them to ur trust and stuff ...
Be confidant and compassionate ... Thats my opinion , i am also in a similar situation dealing with poeple , finding it dificult to distnguis between good and bad people
Cheers
Water

Answer 7

Meet some new people! Sounds like the people who are around you appreciate you. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing wrong with speaking from your heart-this is a good quality that I wish more people had .

Answer 8

First, you need to know that you cant truly trust anyone. If your family ditched you, keep your guard up so that your not hurt when other important people leave your life. If you want to chat you can IM me later......dr. appointment in an hour....I'll be back this afternoon.

Answer 9

hey i use to be like u a real door matt,,always wanting peoples approval,,i had parents that didnt help me..anyway,now im cold hearted and synical...and a hermitt so....i wish i had an answer for ya

Answer 10

If you don't trust people you create liars.

No one needs to change but learning who you are is always good.