CSA,anyone else?

Question

I'm a working mum of 2yr old daughter+6yr old step-daughter. Me+my partner have fully supported my step-daughter forever.
Fair do's, I really don't get on with his ex.This is mainly because I don't agree with her lifestyle(claims to be a single parent-she's not,never worked, benefit fraud,etc.. basic social scum).
As she has had another baby with(yet another) partner, she was cont by CSA. And we must now start paying money to the government(this money is to cover the income support she receives each month).
My grievance is NOT with paying the money. BUT with the fact that if she worked this would not be an issue+we would be able to carry on the way we were doing it before(we supply all her clothes,shoes,school uniform+other stuff). We now are paying money, so we can't afford to buy these things for her. But neither can her mother as she is getting the same as she was before from her benefits.
Basically, why should we all pay for the mothers simple choice of not working?

We are probably paying the same. The point is that we are paying the same, but not into buying clothes and other things. The only person to really lose out, is my step-daughter.

We chose not to pay money straight to her, because the money would not go on my step-daughter. She likes to blow any little bits of cash she gets on weed+charlie. She such a delightful woman.

Answer 1

I agree with you wholeheartedly! My boyfriends ex is nearly 38, she has NEVER done a days work in her life, she has two kids by two different fathers,one of them being my boyfriend,the other hasn't been around since the child was two,she is now 16. My boyfriend was giving her money every week for his son while she was living on benefit. If he needed new clothes he bought them and anything else that he needed. Every now and then she gets arsey and refuses to allow him to see his son but still demands the money from him. Yes he should support his son but his mother no.Let her get off her fat **** and go to work like we have to. It makes my blood boil! She contacted the csa last year when the boy was nine because one of her friends told her she would be better off.Turns out he has to pay less now than he was cos its 15% of his wages.Then the cheeky ***** told him that he would have to make up the shortfall or he wouldn't see his son again. So he contacted the csa and they said no ,pay the15% by dd. Then she came up with he has to give her money because her 16yr old was leaving school and she would not be getting money for her anymore.! So not only did she want him to pay extra to see his own son but also to support someone elses child .,not to go to work .Don't get me started!!

Answer 2

Good on you both for doing the decent thing and atleast paying something.
When my partner and i split i was receiving regular money from him until he met his new g/friend (now wife) they decided to go travelling for a years honeymoon, and dropped my daughter like a hot potato. I informed the csa and was told they couldn't do anything as he was out of the country. they have recently returned and show a 'keen interest' in my daughter, it's a year too late as far as i'm concerned.. although my girl will never know that!!
the csa are now going bust, so there is no more i can do to get any money from anybody, instead, my partner of 3years is picking up the pieces (much respect to him!)
Sorry, i started to ramble bcoz i got too angry! The point i want to make is that even if this loser of a mother were to get a job, now the csa are involved the claim cannot be retracted, so infact she would get more money from you to spend on drugs and not the child. The whole system sucks and thats why it's gone bust.
I sympathise with you two, and just wish my ex was as considerate and supportive as you both are!

Answer 3

What a predicament. But there is no way out of it, the fact is she is your partners daughter & whether it's buying her the clothes yourselves or paying the CSA surely there can't be that much of a difference! Before she had a child you were forking out on clothes etc, now it will be done automatically from your partners account. Yes it is frustrating knowing that the lazy mare could get a job if she wanted to but she has a young baby (I'm assuming) & even if she did have a job you & your partner would STILL be paying for your partners daughter!

I keep reading your question back because I can't pick out the problem, is it because now you have to pay more money than you were before? If that is the case the CSA take into consideration your incomings & outgoings & come up with an appropriate amount. The amount they have given you should be reasonable but if it isn't maybe you should be talking to them about it, explain that you have a family to look after aswell!

Answer 4

It woulnd't make any difference if she was working or not, from your point of view. She'd still have an income, which would probably be less than the benefits she's getting now. And in fact, she'd probably have to pay for childcare, travelling expenses, clothes, etc etc so her expenses would be more. So there'd be even less for the child. In fact, the mother could then probably pursue you for more maintenance.
It's not fair at all. But that's the way it is.
I've just read your comment re the drugs. If so, why don't you report her? Would you want your child brought up by a drug addict?
My ex-hsuband refused to pay "me" any maintenance. His mindset was that I was just using it to rip him off. Kids are expensive - your partner has moved on and had more children. So has she. It's quite good that the money issue has been taken out of all your hands - she can't argue with you over it and neither can you. Kids cost. That's the way it is. She's only six years old so you'll be paying for a lot longer.

Answer 5

I fully understand what your saying here and yes the child is the most important & by her natural Mum not making an effort to do some sort of work, she in turn is depriving her little girl things that she needs...its so unfair. I did hear that the CSA is going to be scrapped & that the inland revenue were gonn take over somehow and make the system work fairly on all sides, whether this is right I cannot be sure, but it might be worth asking questions in the right places....Good luck

Answer 6

You are in a no win situation love, the only person losing out here is the little girl isn't it.

I can't understand mums like her, why would she not want to work and give her kids more!!! Would you not consider having the little girl come live with you and her dad permanently??? Sounds like her own mum doesn't give a you know what about her!

Well done tho for looking out for this kid, she obviously needs a strong female role model in her life..

Answer 7

If your hubbys child resides with you, then I'm not entirely sure why you would be liable to pay anything. My friend works for the CSA and says that you should contest this as they should pput a case together to determine if you need pay the mother anything since you already provide clothing etc to give her a decent standard of living. I'd go for custody of the child if she doesnt already live with you. Shed at least then have a decent chance at life with people who love and care for her. Good luck

Answer 8

that is the law for you it makes you wonder if it is ever worth going to work i bet she is better of than you are it makes me sick i agree with you we have the same problem and all she does is spend her money on drugs not the child he goes around like a tramp the only time he looks clean and cared for is when he is here with us but there aint a lot you can do why dont you get that step daughter to live with you just hold on to your horses i think they are doing away with the C S A

Answer 9

you are right, it sucks having to pay for other irresponsible people.
unless or until the laws change, this is a fact of life. she sounds like a dysfunctional parent, all you can do is continue to be a functional parent/step-parent.
I have dealt with CSA, not for myself, but a family member. The are difinitely flawed, and have much room for improvement.

Answer 10

Siany,i gave you what i thought was good advice,apparently it did not sit well with the yahoo censor's though,and they binned my reply to you:-/ All i said was for you to report her "activities" to the relevant authorities,in an anonymous way-nowt wrong with that surely!! Anyway,you appear to have loads of other posts to your question that you can think on and peruse over,so the best of luck to you!!