We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
Why is it that only the women laugh at this?
Hope your week is better than his!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-02 01:27:18 · 20 answers · asked by LunaFaye 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
hahahahahaha red scopian, that was a hysterical but highly appropriate visual there hun rofl
2006-11-02 01:38:07 · update #1
I think Im gonna have nightmers about this one. Heres a visual.
2006-11-02 01:35:56 · answer #1 · answered by red skorpion 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No Banana there used to be not anything foolish approximately the debt Jesus paid - Do you even consider after they beat him and crucified him that he laughed. Right now the satan is guffawing at you and all different unbelievers on account that he is aware of he is deceiving you into pondering it is all a lie. The bible says the satan himself fears and trembles. He that laughs final, laughs first-class - God Will Have the Last Laugh on devil. He isn't inclined that any will have to perish however all come to repentance. :D Banana, repent on your sins and ask God to forgive you at the same time there may be nonetheless time -- tick tock - tick tock - time is fastly fleeting away.
2016-09-01 06:02:00 · answer #2 · answered by vandevanter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Old story but still funny.
I would suggest telling everyone at work the truth about the incident and let them all in on the joke. Let them all empathize.
2006-11-02 01:41:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That made my day-you should write a book on peoples "emabarrising" monents. You have great writing skills.
2006-11-02 01:34:00 · answer #4 · answered by ROOTER 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL Too funny! I wonder if it's a true story. Poor guy.
2006-11-02 01:33:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very Funny. Just be glad it wasn't my Cat that did that because she would have bit your dangly bits as well.
2006-11-02 01:40:39 · answer #6 · answered by sickofthis 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pretty funny
2006-11-02 01:32:06 · answer #7 · answered by Flower Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
that was awesome LOL LMAO ROTFL hahahahah that was like awesome hehehehehe man poor thing!!!! hahahahahahahaah i rate 10 on 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-02 01:36:19 · answer #8 · answered by weirdgal 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i must try this story next time i call sick at work
2006-11-02 01:35:56 · answer #9 · answered by sylesh3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch!!! Poor thing. Both of them.
2006-11-02 01:33:47 · answer #10 · answered by andia2amat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋