Why do parents think its ok to smack their children?

Question

Yesterday i was at the supermarket with my 3 yr old son and a mother whacked her boy because he smacked his younger sibling, she then replied with "you dont have the right to smack"! What is the world coming to? Why do parents feel the need to physically harm their children? I believe they have lost control and think this is the way to go, but it breaks my heart. These children will grow up thinking smacking will get the result they want! They will hit other children too! Please inform me as to why parents smack, whats the need? Do the parents feel bad afterwards? if so why do it in the first place? Would you like to be hit if you did something wrong? I think the answer is NO, so please dont hit our future generation, lets put a stop to this NOW!

Answer 1

Some parents believe that anything from "an occasional smack" to "a good hiding", famously "never did me any harm". Therefore they feel justified in giving the same to their own children as a consequence for bad behaviour (as you say, smacked children will grow up thinking smacking works). The new age of reason in child-rearing says that while there need to BE consequences for bad behaviour, these should neither be physical nor lasting, and should not essentially "outlive" the bad behaviour, merely remind the child that bad behaviour will not be tolerated.

Very often, patterns of behaviour are begun while the child is very small, and the consequences of having no consequences only grow over time, so you end up with children that have no respect for their parents, and admittedly, if you smack, you'd better use it as "the nuclear button", and only then, otherwise it loses any power it has reeeeeeeeaaaal fast. And what do you have left at that point - does a smack become a slap, a slap a punch, or what?

The problem is that not everyone has the time, the experience or the understanding to fit the perfect modern model of parenting, and a smack, while in the long term being detrimental, often delivers an immediate consequence that solves an immediate problem. That's why people still do it, though I do agree that consistency of argument is crucial here - to smack a child for smacking their sibling while telling them smacking is wrong woudl probably make a hilarious and pointed TV comedy sketch, but it's not exactly the way to make the point to your child.

Answer 2

Let me ask you a question - if you had a child who continually ran into the road after breaking free from you time and again - talking to your child didn't work - would you rather smack your child to teach him/her NOT to run onto the road and risk getting squashed OR would you rather wipe your child up off the road?

Let me put it another way - if you climbed onto a wall and fell off - you would hurt yourself and think twice about doing it again! It's the same when a parent smacks a child - the child thinks twice about doing the wrong thing!

>They will hit other children too<

That's actually a load of rubbish! Of all the children I've looked after the ones who are more violent are the ones who don't get smacked!

Smacking shouldn't be so the child is black and blue, shouldn't be across the head and shouldn't really be done in public view so as the embarrass the child! Neither should parents yell at their children - this can be worse than one short sharp smack on the back of the leg!

If anybody cares for children as a nanny/childminder etc they shouldn't smack their charges!

Another thing I would say is - after a certain age children don't need a smack as they can be reasoned with! A smack shouldn't come with temper either - if a parent goes to smack a child - several warnings should be given to give the child a chance!

NOT to teach a child how to behave and obey/respect their parents is just as cruel as smacking and shows a lack of love!

Answer 3

I think that in some points, smacking or spanking goes too far and gets abusive, but physical discipline is the best discipline at that age. Do you really think a 4 year old is going to remember a 5 minute time out, or a smack on the butt, when he is thinking about doing something bad again? And as a kid, I did hate getting spanked. But I did learn after the first smack, and thats where I dont understand your reasoning. Cause after you get spanked, every time you think about getting in a fight with your little brother, you remember that spanking. And yes, if an adult does something wrong, we dont smack them physically. But if you are an adult and you dont pay your bills, they take your house and car away. If you murder, you get a timeout for the rest of your life.

Answer 4

Each parent raises their children in their own way...Who are you to judge them?!

I was smacked/spanked as a child, And I grew up just fine, In fact, It probably helped make me a better person.

It doesn't bother me to see a parent smack their child if they've done something wrong, I'm by no means talking about beating a child, But a little swat here and there is harmless!!

What I can't stand, Is when parents let their children run rampant and 'yell' at them, Or tell them over and over and over (to no avail) to stop doing something.

I swat my boys if they're doing something they aren't supposed to, And NO I don't feel bad for doing it afterwards.

As for me wanting hit if I did something wrong, I'm an adult. I know right from wrong, And if I do something wrong, Then I have my own consequences to deal with..I could go to jail, Or I could be fined..

Children need to know they can't just do as they please.

THAT is the reason why so many children are out of control now days, 'cause parents are either a)afraid to smack their childrens butts, or b) believe they are going to do some kind of long term damage.

Answer 5

Last week I went to babysit a little boy. He was a brat - he'd never been disciplined. I couldn't smack him but by 9.00 I was almost in tears. I'd read the stories, persuaded him, nagged, begged, pleaded, ordered etc etc. I'd been firm. And still he lay on the floor, screaming and crying. He is 7.
Until I realised that he's afraid of the dark. So I put the lights out. Then he really screamed! I put the lights on and told him that unless he behaved, I'd put them out again. And he behaved.
What's crueller? That, or a smack on the bum?
Quite frankly, I'm appalled that I was reduced to that level! I'd rather have smacked him in the beginning than have this screaming for hour after hour only to get it stopped by what to me, was a really inhumane playing on somebody's fears.
I feel far more guilty at my cruelty than I do at smacking my kids. They don't get smacked often - they're beyond it now, anyway.
After watching SuperNanny you can see how children behave whose parents don't know how to discipline their children. They've lost control. And quite frankly, you can see from those shows, that the children do hit each other, even though they've never been smacked. Honestly, be realistic. Stop being so emotional about it all. A smack on the butt is a smack on the butt.

Answer 6

I feel a smack on the bottom in some cases is ok but never in public because you are not doing it to humiliate the child. I had two boys, both in early 40's and a girl that is 20. I believe I whipped her twice with my hand and the first time she was in diapers so I did no harm. The reason for it was she had started biting small children and after the smacking on the bottom she stopped. The other time she was seven or eight and had been really smarting off. I took her in the bed room and told her why I was going to smack her bottom with my hand. I told her i loved her and she could not continue talking like that. Afterward we hugged each other and both cried. She has been a very easy child to raise and has never caused us any problems. Most always we would talk with her when she misbehaved and it worked. Every child is different and boys are much harder to control. You just have to be consistent with what you say and always show love even when you have to punish them.

Answer 7

Yeah, like we should stop arresting them too! Wake up woman!!!! Children need to be shown right from wrong, to many parents take the easy opinion with 'little talks' that get them no where! My nephew has never had a smack in his life, the parents don't agree! He is a sod, a nightmare, he's bad in school, rude, plus he hits his mum! My kids get smacked every now and then, not once have they ever disrespected me or been bad in school! I was smacked as a child for the naughty things I would sometimes do, looking back, it's because my parents cared that they did it! I 'm glad they did it!

Answer 8

Some kids need a smack, some kids don't. A little swat on the butt, helps to remind them that disobiedence and misbehaviour has consequences. Some learn easier than others, but alot of behaviour is gleaned from parents. Kids mimick what they see. So if people are unhappy and road ragers and abusive, etc. Well then there is a good chance the kids are going to do the same thing. Plus, kids are inherently selfish, and need disipline and training to become contributors to society. People like my sister-in-law, who think kids need no disipline and they will be fine, if you give them what they want all the time, are morons, which she is starting to figure out now that her brats are getting bigger. They're horrendous. But when they come to stay at uncles place you should see how fast they snap too. I have never had to smack them but I think they know the potential is there.

Answer 9

hey, this is good question...

I was born and bred in India till i was 12, but live in London now and my parents and my older siblings used to smack me all the time when i got in trouble or did something wrong. However i never regarded this as "physical abuse" and "traumatic childhood"...it was actually funny.

Smaking your children isn't wrong at all (unless you punch/slap them in the face or break bones and stuff, that is just f u c k e d). Its actually way of teaching your children to not get in trouble and to be deciplined and respect things. If they are not smaked they'll "get away" with the things they did wrong and will not learn a lesson that what they did was wrong and someone actually suffered from it.

When I got smacked I never thought that smacking people will get results or that I smacked other kids. I am not mentally unstable as result of my parents and older siblings smaking me, i am actually more socialble and more open-minded person and I have learnt to respect other people's views and feelings.

You can't TELL kids to not do something, because they never LISTEN. Hell, I hardly ever learnt from my mistakes and still got into trouble so many times, sometimes i ctually wonder how my parent coped with me and my behaviour.

Smaking is OK as long as you are not doing any permenant damage (emotional and physical) to the child and provide assurance and love after smaking. If they do soemthing wrong the NOT smacking them just gonna make them a bad person as they wont understand to respect other people's feelings.

Answer 10

There's a lot to say for and against this issue , I had an abusive childhood I MEAN abusive not a smack for hitting a sibling ! I mean a stick a belt a wooden spoon , my brother was caught smoking by my father and was punched in the face blood was all up the wall , We girls were sexually abused , if mine had just been a smack for swearing etc I could have handled that as discipline not what I endured , please put things into perspective , the laws WERE brought out for a reason !!