i am in bad bad situation...i came down to london to study...recently today i got a marriage proposer and my aunts forcing me to see the guy n she told me if the guy is educated and rich she will say yes to him..i am totally against arrange marriage n i love some one elz over the net and we both meeting this december in new years night..i dont know what to do...my parents are poor and i am totally depending on my aunt...on the other hand my guys frm canada he has canadian rights its just that his from another religion and my parents wont accept him...i am only 20 i dont want to marry now until m independant and educated...please HELP ASAD
i have no job.. the government have allowed 20 hours job per week in student visa..how can i earn more to feed myself,giv shelter to myself and cover myself with warm clothes if i work and get 400pounds per month...i am helpless i cant go back where i came from and i dont have money to pay for my education as wel:(
2006-11-01 22:38:13 · 20 answers · asked by Yasmin 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yasmin
sort it out woman, just chill , and have fun
2006-11-01 22:40:14 · answer #1 · answered by The brainteaser 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh Hun, I 'no exactly how sad u must be feeling. I was once caught in a similar situation. Below are the options:
1. If that guy is truly attracted to u, say yes BUT on condition that he allows u to complete ur studies. If he is a gentleman, he will listen and respect u and may be even give u some financial support. 2. Explain to ur aunt that much as u are an adult, u are not ready 4 marriage as it isnt compatible with studies. If she is educated as it sounds, she might listen.
3. Involve some one u no she repects. Could be an elder, a friend, a church minister. 4. If all the above fail, then u will have no option but to give in. Best of like. Seek divine intervention.
2006-11-01 22:50:32 · answer #2 · answered by badboy22bs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know London very well, but I assume there are resources for battered women. I realize that isn't exactly your problem, but someone might still be able to help you. You might be looking at a living situation that isn't terribly attractive, such as a shelter of some kind, but at least you'll be free of your family's domination.
If that is not a workable solution, another option is to marry the guy, with the idea of divorcing him later, and taking him for all he's worth. Though I might normally look down on a woman who does that, I would make an exception, if we're talking about a forced marriage.
Keep in mind that the laws in England are much different from the laws in your own country. Learn them, and use them to your advantage.
2006-11-02 00:46:58 · answer #3 · answered by Allen Montgomery 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your question is quite a though one for you to be looking for advice here.
There are organizations in the UK that advice young women in your position, you should talk to them, they have the expertise to help you out.
Try the website below for a few pointers.
Something important in my opinion is that you should not diregard the religious differences. You may think the a guy is perfect for you in spite of being from a different religion, but with time this can become quite a contentious issue.
I wish you would consider continuing your education and use that as an excuse to postpone any prospects of marriage (arranged or otherwise).
You are just 20, you have hardly lived, if your parents and aunt see that you want to study they may soften and forget about marrying you, at least for the time being.
Good luck in any case.
2006-11-02 14:33:05 · answer #4 · answered by Tzctlpc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have established in your mind that you don't want to get married. The choice is yours, plenty of people are poor, and do not feel that getting married is their only choice.
You may earn very little but consider doing what many other students do and sharing a house, there should also be financial assistance you can get since you are a student you should be able to get a loan. Your LEA can advise you on this, contact your local council and ask for sutudent finance and I'm sure they will explain to you your options. You should talk to your college about what financial aid and bursaries you could be entitled to, I think you will find them quite helpful.
This to me would seem like the most obvious course of action- rather than marrying somebody.
Lastly I think you must sit down and explain to your family that to be married would make you incredicbly unhappy. You do not even have to mention your internet friend, just tell them what is true, you feel you are too young and you have your studies and many other things to complete before you consider the idea of being somebody's wife.
They are your family and they love you, if they love you all they want is for you to be happy. Try talking to them honestly, and you may be shocked by how understanding they can be.
S
x
2006-11-01 22:57:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont marry the guy you dont want to.. Simple..!!
Tell your aunt you are not ready for the marraige stuff. And you wish to make your career and life first.
She'll understand for sure. But if she doesnt , even then according to law she cant force you to marry someone without your consent ... youre legally adult to even file a suit against any forceful arrangements for you. You can find help with some women welfare centers over there to help you out. Live in hostel and stuff... But i sincerely wish that she'll understand your plea and cooperate.
About this Internet Guy ... Be very cautious!!!...
Look before you leap .. coz you seem to be a innnocent girl unaware of deceptive people on the internet. Just be careful while meeting this guy in december..
Have someone along with you (like a friend or may even be your aunt) while you go to meet him .... I hope you understand the importance of not allowing oneself to get destroyed in the wake of romance.
I wont say he's all bad .. but cant confirm otherwise either.. only you can do it for yourself .. so be mature and act accordingly.
2006-11-01 22:49:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 20 - with any luck you have got another 60-80 years of life ahead of you, this is a very long time to be with someone who you don't love, I would therefore suggest that if you think it is not possible to tell your aunt how you feel and make her understand then you need to talk with your male friend and thing of another way to avoid the marriage. Getting married to the guy your auntie chooses, when you don't really want to would be unfair to both you, your friend and the other guy, so have a long think and then do what you think is best for you for the rest of your life.
2006-11-01 22:45:50 · answer #7 · answered by Bindesh M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think it is fair the only reason you are staying in the country is for the free education but ha ho our people are giving so you may as well take,the government wont let you go cold the like giving money to people from other countrys so i would not worry about that,and as for your aunt tell her if she likes him that much to marry him herself...
2006-11-01 22:43:30 · answer #8 · answered by emmamo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...sounds like it has all the makings of a great movie...lol...look you get as much as any working single mum...if you really dont want to do it then you are 20 not 12 you dont have to...if the other guy means so much to you then you then you just have to deal with it as an adult ...let your parents make the choice...if they cant accept him then they are the ones who are going to miss out...the onus is not on you to make them happy...every parent wants their child to be happy..and most will do whatever it takes...talk to your parents,be firm explain that you love them and appreciate theit concern but this is your choice as an adult and they must respect that...hope this helps ;0)
2006-11-01 22:46:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hectic. I say contact your parents. surely they will help you! you are an adult you do not have to marry this guy. i recommend rather going back to your parents rather than get an arranged marriage. why not apply for a study bursary or something? that could help. all the best
2006-11-01 22:44:21 · answer #10 · answered by supagrrrl84 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yasmin, ask the rich guy if he really loves you?If he really loves you he should let u go 2 the one u really love. then when he agrees plead with him 2 help u convince ur family 2 let u complete ur education.
2006-11-01 23:01:36 · answer #11 · answered by Debbie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋