my mum is re-newing her wedding vows to my step dad next year and has asked me and my sister and her cousing to be bridesmaids.
The problem is i depise my mother ,we really truly dont get on at all.I left home at 16 and moved 500 miles away to get away from her .We cant be in each others company she even told me she didnt want me to go home this christmas .It really hurt .
But now she has asked me too be bridesmaid, i really dont know why !
I said yes to keep the peace but i really dont want to ,my husband knows the way she has teated me and doesnt want us to go to the wedding ,i really dont know what to do .
She even rubbed it in that my younger sister is her matron of honour ,my sis gets on with her ok but knows what she is really like but just ignores it to keep the peace .
I really dont know what to do ,i keep thinking of ways to get out of it .
I knwo i should be happy for her but i really cant be and really dont want to do it .
2006-11-01 21:55:25 · 17 answers · asked by bradderswifey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Your Mom is really going all out to renew her vows isn't she. She wants this big show of support from her children. Then she tells you to skip having the holidays with her. That tells you all you need to know. I would drop her a line and tell her that you do not wish to be a part of her wedding and will not be attending. As far as Christmas is concerned spend time with your husband's family and start creating some traditions for your family. Make sure you take a lot of pictures with you smiling and happy. If you feel very mean you can send one to your Mom so she can see that she is not going to make you miserable during the holidays or at any other time. She sounds like she loves to manipulate her children.
2006-11-01 22:06:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. It sounds like your relationship was severed long ago. And now she asks you to stand and be supportive and happy for her on her special day. I'd be confused as well. A part of you just wants to keep the peace, but I have a feeling you'd end up feeling like a tissue, something to be brought out when needed to make her look good and then thrown away when you've done your job.
If I were you, I'd tell your mother that you cannot and will not stand with her. Explain your reasons why. Then leave it up to her to explain your absence. But then you have to make that choice yourself. Good luck
2006-11-02 02:18:15 · answer #2 · answered by married2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you only said yes to keep the peace I have to ask What peace? After praying and asking God to guide you in this matter you have to clear your head and think this thing through My great grand mother would say to me that person, or those people don't mean you no good they just keep you upset, and hurting. She said Baby feed them with a long handled spoon[ Between you and me imagine your 500 mile handled spoon] do not continue to subject yourself, husband, and family to that The issues between you and your mother will have to be resolved STAY AWAY until they are Pray on it God does answer prayer
2006-11-01 22:27:51 · answer #3 · answered by Peaches2900 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have already accepted the position of bridesmaid your stuck. A quote from Miss Manners:
"You, at least, should do so. Having agreed to the job -- honor, Miss Manners meant to say -- you should fulfill it as best you can. That someone who has once been a good friend to you is behaving badly should not inspire you to follow her example."
2006-11-02 05:12:54 · answer #4 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you need to question her about it and mention that she has already told you she doesn't want you home for christmas so why would she want you at her wedding. Sounds like she just wants to feel popular on her day. I don't think i would do it but i also think you need to sepak to herand confrot her on this. My mum and i luckily are very close so i can not imagine how it must be for your family. Sorry i hope this helps a little.
2006-11-01 22:03:51 · answer #5 · answered by Missbutterfly:-) 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your mum is trying to make herself look good then by having you as a bridesmaid as well. Dont let her manipulate you so that she can look as if shes mother earth, if it making you feel bad then tell her no. apologies if that's a bit harsh good luck xx
2006-11-01 22:00:52 · answer #6 · answered by shells 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you should not if you don't want to. If she treated you this badly and wants you to publicly appear in her wedding then she is still manipulating you. People like her have a way of hypnotizing those they abuse. You are still under her spell. Break it and be free.
2006-11-01 21:58:37 · answer #7 · answered by Isis 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. It's that simple. If you can't tell her the truth about why you don't want to do it, tell her you can't get the time off work, or something important requires that you stay where you are.
Good luck!
2006-11-02 00:49:27 · answer #8 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Decline gracefully with a letter that way you don't even have to speak to her say it straight out and don't be mean just matter-of-fact.
2006-11-01 23:28:06 · answer #9 · answered by musiclover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
decline graciously. Do not be mean about it just say kindly you are unable to be a bridesmaid for her at this time in your life
2006-11-02 03:26:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋