Im 19 years old and Im at a point in my life where I feel everything is falling appart. Im at university, working and caring for my rerally ill gran which is breaking my heart and to top it all off Iv found out that my boyfriend of a year is not to b trusted anymore. Because of everything that has been going on our sex life has gone downhill I jus havnt got the time or patience anymore. Is this the reason why hes betrayed me?I dnt know whether to hate myself or him. I was 2 hurt to have a go at him and Im not even angry. I feel ashamed and a fool. Hes begged me of how sorry he was and his friends assured me that he was only sleeping with these girls and nothing else and he thinks the world of me. Wer still together at the minute but I dnt feel the same anymore I feel numb, depressed and alone. Iv lost my appetite, my friends and Im thinking now its time to let him go. I cant trust him but I keep thinking Im to blame. Is it all my fault?Everythings such a mess.Please help.
2006-11-01 21:53:44 · 35 answers · asked by Helen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
yes it your fault
2006-11-01 21:54:53 · answer #1 · answered by The brainteaser 5 · 0⤊ 10⤋
Don't blame yourself. You did not cause this, he did. Even though you've been going through some trying times he should have been there by your side during this giving you the support you needed. The fact that he went out and found it some where else does not make you a bad person. You need to cut ties with this fellow and move on to something that makes you feel good and find someone that will support you in your time of need. You'll never be able to trust him no matter how sorry he is. The only reason that he is sorry is because he got caught.>
2006-11-01 21:58:23 · answer #2 · answered by Captain Comment 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Helen you are having a ruff time of it, but look the first thing to do is to stop blaming yourself because your boyfriend messed around, you didn't force his arm up his back and tell him to go out and do that to you did you, he is to blame for his actions and none of it is your fault, sorry but guys like him are pretty manipulative at passing the buck and blaming others for their infedility, you need to take a step back and assess whats going on in your life right now, have you been in touch with the social services about getting some help with your gran, you can't possibly do everything yourself as well as study and work, you need help and the sooner the better, make an appointment for them to come and assess your situation as I am sure there is some help for you and your gran, maybe you could get some benefits like carers allowance and disability allowances for help with your gran, its seems so unfair that you have to do this alone as much as you love your gran, you need to go see the doctor yourself and have a good talk to him about how your feeling, maybe just a short course of tablets would help you, as for the boyfriend, sorry if this offends you but get rid of him, hes using you and will never change, if he had loved you then he would have understood your situation and helped you and not added to your worries, if your friends were true friends then they will listen to you and understand that you have had a hard time and that you need support right now, you will always make new friends were ever you go and whatever you do in life, just stop blaming yourself over what your boyfriend has done, dump him, talk to the social services about your gran, make yourself an appointment at the doctors and hopefully in a week or so you will be feeling much better about everything and be happier, good luck.
2006-11-01 22:09:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok kiddo a little advice from someone way older as in been there done that got the t-shirt. You are the only person that will ever make you happy. Read it again. You are not at falt if some man is running around on you espically in your time of need for love and support. Dont be afraid of being alone. Get rid of him because if he is running now he will do it again. Sorry to here about your Gran
2006-11-01 22:00:00 · answer #4 · answered by Belinda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am really sorry to hear all this is happening to you its even worst because you are only 19, well carry on looking after your gran but still have time for yourself. I would get rid of the boyfriend because he doesnt sound very caring knowing that all this is going on and he isnt helping. You dont need people like that in your life and you will find someone right for you.....! Hope it all works out for you!! <3
2006-11-01 21:57:53 · answer #5 · answered by Angelkiss85 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It not your fault that this guy is playing you about.There is no excues for sleeping about when your already with somone.Only sleeping with them and nothing else??Thats bad enough!!
Have you heard of that saying ' once a cheater always a cheater'?Well,i can say that from experience,its true.Your only 19,this guy probably wont be 'the one' ,you need someone who will support you and understand you and the situation.sounds like your burning the candle at both ends,and being pulled every which way.Concentrate on uni,and taking care of yourself a little more,and let your love life take a back seat for a while,after all if this guy loves YOU then he will wait for you.best of luck,hope your gran feels better soon**
2006-11-01 22:12:23 · answer #6 · answered by pinkydinkydoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no its not your fault. if he was a good loving boyfriend the last thing he would do is cheat on you. and you said girls so it was not more than 1 time which makes it even of a pig if he loved you he would help you with your gran not do this. Is their no one that can help you with you gran to take some of the pressure of you? i think you should go to the doctors about your depression. he mite also be able to help with a care for your gran so you can go out and have some fun and find a nice boyfriend you can trust good luck x
2006-11-01 22:05:39 · answer #7 · answered by debbie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen honey...do not for any reason blame yourself, you are not to blame here. We all have choices in life and he could of said no but he didn't (I'm sorry that sounds harsh) yes maybe he was feeling lonely with everything you are going through but really he should of been by your side supporting you as this isn't a couple of months fling...you have actually been together for a year. No one can say to you get rid, don't bother etc etc as you are the only person who knows him. You will know in your heart if you should stay with him or not but you have to ask yourself "can i now trust him" and if you do decide to stay with him even though the thoughts of him with someone will be horrible you will have to try and forget and start rebuilding a future. But please please please do not ever blame yourself for what he has done...this wasn't your fault. Look in the mirror and say to yourself "i am beautiful and i can get over this" I am really sorry for what you are going through but hold your head up high girl, get through university...do not let this destroy your personna in life. prove to everyone that when the going gets tough you can still get through it. hope your gran is ok and am sending you a big hug as think you deserve one.xx
2006-11-01 22:12:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he does no respect you , you are a breaking point plus looking after an ill relative is emotionally draining . For his to have done this to you is disgusting considering what u are going through
he will never respect you and the trust has gone
none of this is your fault
take time on ur own , look after ur gran , then in time find a new relationship . you are worth more than to settle for someone like him
2006-11-01 22:05:33 · answer #9 · answered by kirsty d 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Poor you, it all seems to be very bleak doesnt it. Well, for one, you are low, worrying about your grandmother and trying to cope with work at uni and just about everyday life, no wonder you went off sex. You boyfriend doesnt sound very patient because if he was he would have given you a little slack instead of going off with other women. On saying that, does he know you are off sex? you have to talk to him about how you feel otherwise he wont know...men just dont understand women very well (most men anyway). You really need to think about whether you can handle this relationship knowing he went off with someone else and can put it behind you. Only you can decide. Sit him down if you can and talk about this, you will run round in circles otherwise.
2006-11-01 22:07:58 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got to prioritize now - (1) your relative who is ill, (2) your education, (3) your love life and social life.
I am sure you are such a sensitive person, you would like to continue to take care of your relative. So it is a question of how you structure your second priority, that is education with your social life.
Your love life could probably take a back seat at this point in life.
2006-11-01 22:07:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋