Y they dont like commitment?

Question

I have had a boyfriend for close to 4 years, we were colleagues initially and then we started goin around. He is a very nice person we had a very good relationship we knew each other well and were known as the perfect couple across the office eveyone knew us. He wasnt willing to get married to me he wanted to continue the relationship but not get married. I loved him a lot i couldnt leave him, finally i decided i need to know my future he agreed to leave me not marry me. so i came away to a diff country but i still love him a lot and he still calls me, i still cant get him out of my mind. and he loves me still but he doesnt say nythin. Do u guys think iv done the right thing by leaving him and goin away after 4 years. hes a mama's boy and doesnt want to marry me cos hes from a diff religion and says he has to take care of his sister who is a bit handicapped.

Answer 1

Do men really just not like being in open,
loving, committed relationships with women?

And are men really and truly afraid of
commitment?


All the old beliefs the guy had about being
single simply go out the window when he falls in love

And all of a sudden he was completely taken
with the idea of being with you.

It was HIM who was the one "courting" and
pursuing YOU, when he had sworn to remain single
and "free" days or weeks ago.

Give me a silent nod if you know what I'm
talking about and you've seen this happen.

It seems certifiably crazy, right?

Why is it that men change their minds so
quickly and so radically?

And why can't they be more consistent, more
honest, and know what they want?

The reality is that when most men are acting
"unavailable" or not "ready" for a relationship
it's often NOT because they are afraid of a
real relationship or COMMITMENT.

I know, I know. I can just see you rolling
your eyes in frustration right now because you've
seen so much "proof" in your life from this guy.

I want you to suspend your disbelief here for
a second in order to see things from a new and
improved perspective.


Here's the thing...

The fact that a man can be CERTAIN that he
doesn't want a relationship or a commitment with
one woman... and then weeks or months later turn
180 degrees and become deeply committed with
another woman proves that there's something else
going on here.

Give me another nod if you know what I'm
talking about here and you've seen this common
situation with men as well.

Exactly.

And now I'm going to give it to you straight

Could it be that when a man acts completely
uninterested in a real relationship, or doesn't
want to commit, that maybe... just maybe...
it has NOTHING to do with his fear of commitment?

What if is SOMETHING ELSE entirely?

Think about it for a second...

When a man physically leaves or emotionally
withdraws from a relationship, the common response
most women have is to think of all the reasons
why he did this and what it means about HIM.

Here's a few common examples of this kind
of thinking:

"He's got commitment issues."

"He's just not emotionally mature."

"He's not ready."

"He was intimidated by me and afraid of the
real love we have."

"He still needs to go out and play with other
women before he'll be able to be with one woman."

If you're like LOTS of women I've known and
talked to, then you've have had these same
thoughts when your relationship was in
jeopardy or ended.

The REAL TRUTH is that when someone pulls
away from or leaves a relationship, BOTH partners
play a role.

And sure... guys can and do ACT afraid of
commitment, pull away emotionally, and do things
to make a more committed relationship difficult.

But this doesn't mean that the way they ACT
is the whole truth.

Just like how you can be fighting mad with a
man or upset with him, even though you love him
so much and actually want you two to be closer.

In other words, a man's emotional responses
and behaviors, such as being distant, afraid of
the future, or acting indifferent is just one
part of how a man FEELS when he's around you.

Men are emotional too - just in different
ways and at different times.

So where am I going with all this?

Here's where I land the plane...

I'm about to reveal a surprising truth that
might sting.

It's like a shot from the doctor - it'll hurt
for a few seconds, but it's good for your health.

Here's the "shot"...

Most women play a huge part in DRIVING MEN
AWAY from perfectly good relationships.

Of course, if you are one of the women who
does this, you usually have little or no idea
that you're doing this. Just like I didnt.

In fact, you're COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS of
your part in pushing a man away because you're
too busy thinking that all your words, emotions,
and actions are supposed to be bringing a man
closer to you.

And you behave in sublte ways that, little
by little, push the man farther and farther
away.

One of the most common ways that women do
this is by constantly identifying MISTAKES a
man is making, or ways that a man makes them
UNHAPPY, and pointing these out all the time,
over and over, without prompting or warning.

Think for a minute about what this makes a
man THINK and FEEL about you, your relationship,
and about himself...

I'll give you a few minutes to think about
this and the impact of it in your relationships.

..

..

See anything important going on?

Anything that might make a man feel MORE
AFRAID of your relationship, or MORE FEARFUL of
his ability to make you feel good, and thus
feel good about himself as your partner?






I'm GOING to tell you that there REALLY IS a
simple way for allowing an amazing
relationship to blossom in your life.

Im going to give you a few things to think about and hopefully help you and will keep men from
pulling away and instead invite them
in naturally and almost effortlessly by use of
the power of your emotions and the attraction
that a man feels for you.


-It's easy to blame your partner for causing
problems in a relationship, and most of us
aren't willing to look inside to see what role
WE play in creating the issues. Scary but
true.



-Do you come from a FEMININE or MASCULINE
place in your relationships? Most women THINK
they behave in a feminine way, when in truth
they're trying to "be the man" in the
relationship when a man isn't pulling his weight
in one or more areas. ... (Just because he's a man
doesn't mean he'll take the masculine role, nor
you the feminine.

-It's a fact: Society bombards women these days
with pressure to be masculine by running not just
their careers, but households, families,
schedules, etc. Try getting
deeply in touch with the strength of your feminine
energy, while also staying that "softer" girl who
is so disarming and ATTRACTIVE to men)

-It's amazing how often the universe will give
you something when you "lean back" and create
the space for something wonderful, rather than
forcing it or creating pressures by demanding
and asking for it.

-Why is it so easy to get sucked into helping your
man organize, make decisions, etc., and why this
is like TOXIC POISON to a relationship?

-Most women make excuses for men who leave,
like "he was afraid of commitment" or "he never
expressed his emotions". The reality is that
most women DRIVE MEN AWAY - and the saddest
part is they don't see the role THEY play in
destroying the relationship.

-The dark side of giving TOO MUCH in a
relationship. (Hint: Men love to give, so to keep
a relationship healthy you must stop giving
enough to create the space for HIM to give to
YOU.

-Many women unconsciously choose
emotionally-closed men as an excuse not to
be vulnerable in relationships.


Take a step back, look at yourself and most of all if you choose to take up a new relationship allow yourself to heal before moving on!

Hugs and Kisses

Answer 2

Well it's a tough call, it really depends on what marriage means to you. To some people, 4 years is a long time, but it also depends on which stage of the relationship you two were in. It also depends on if the person is the type who will want to get married, if your boyfriend is the type who would get married, but he just doesn't marry you, then you picked the wrong guy. On the other hand, if he really treats you well and everything but just doesn't want to get married, then maybe the idea of marriage hasn't crossed his mind. Maybe marriage doesn't mean much to him. And you also need to know that if you want to marry him is because you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, or you want to marry him just because you like the idea of being married. It makes a whole lot of a difference.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and we haven't really talked about getting married, but we both have a silent mutual acknowledgement that we love each other and we want to stay with each other as much as we can, so we have been living together, and it all works out fine. Maybe you could just live with him for a while now and see if he is really the guy you want to be married to and spend the rest of your life with, if after you have lived with him and still way to pursue it further, then it's time to find out why the real reason he wouldn't marry you.

Then make a move. Good luck honey.

Answer 3

Men don't like commitment usually because they're either afraid or they feel it'd put a lot of pressure on them. They feel they'd have to take care of you, work hard and bring in money, that sort of thing though it's not as true now as it was in the past. And other times they just don't feel it's the right time so, pretty much, they think you're pressuring them into marriage too quickly and look for an escape route.

I say get over him. It doesn't look like it's going to happen and, though you may still think about him constantly, that happens with a lot of guys. He left his mark on you for FOUR YEARS! It's going to take a while to get over him but, while you try to do that, look towards the future and other things. Keep your mind of him and, if talking to him makes you feel that old twinge of love for him, perhaps you shouldn't.

And, on an added note...who says they don't want to marry a person over different religions? It has been done...probably more times than I know! And if he needed to care for his sister, a helping hand wouldn't be so bad. Excuses, excuses...

Answer 4

Oh that happened to me once and the difference was that this guy was a papa's boy. And I went out with him for 5 years and I held on to the feelings that I had for him for 2 years and then I gave up coz I realised that although I thought that he would still love me it was just my own imagination so don't waste your time on him sweet as there are plenty of fis in the sea. And not all of them are the same I am now happily married to this wonderful man and also am a mom of 2 beautiful kids and I love every minute of it and I am actually glad now that the other jerk left me back then.

Answer 5

It must have been very difficult to do, but I think you did what must be done.

Think about this: he had a list of reasons why he didn't want to marry you. This immediately suggests to me that none of those are the true answer. I think the true answer is that he wants the benefits of a love relationship, but without any of the duties!

If you are looking forward to true love and a happy marriage, you have to clear the decks, first: you, yourself, must be ready to make a commitment, and you can't do that with the ex bf still on your mind.

So, my advice is that you must cut off contact with him, as painful and sad as it would be.

Good luck, dear, and remember: if a guy thinks you are still attached, or in mourning for a lost love, it's like a Man Repellent.

Answer 6

You love him but you do not support his problem. Too bad to siad this.Mama's boy and different religion is not the true. The true lie on the handicapped sister, he has. That why he has commitment to do that was to take care of this handicapped once.Which he cannot let go in his life now. Bless you

Answer 7

Those are just excuses from his side, you've done the right thing. You wouldn't want to waste another 4 years of your life with him and only leave then. Move on girl find someone who will want the same things as you.

Answer 8

well the fact of the matter is what would be so different if you were married? your last name? I am here to tell you that if you found someone that loves you that is what matters. not a peice of papper that says you are married. when i got married nothing changed but my name. give him some time and in the mean time stop stressin about it

Answer 9

he sounds a sensitive man ... you are lucky to have such a good friend ... and you can't force him to marry you ... so you have done what is right for you

keep in touch ... maybe he will change his mind

and carry on with your life ... maybe you will find someone

i don't think all guys are the same as him ... some can be a lot worse (e.g. stringing women along with false promises, because they can't let go)
.

Answer 10

We are only afraid of commitment when deep down inside we know she is not the girl we want , we will commit to the right one....

Answer 11

well family comes first. sounds like you two were happy and all you were worried about was being married. marriage is just a piece of paper.i think you made the wrong move