i need help before its too late?

Question

we have been dating for a year and ahalf,he was sweet,loving,caring,my friend and we use to go out together sometimes with friends, and we will sometimes seat on the table and talk about our future and other things and now we are married for 2 months,after we came back from the honey moon everything changed,he has a daughter and his daughter·s is so rude to me,and he used to talk to her and disipline her but now he does not seem to care about that in fact he does not even want to talk to me about that he just gets angry,and he has a friend whom he always goes out with,and he will just leave me there,I dont have any problem with him going out with his friends but now its a daily thing and he will come home always in the night,he does not want me to work because we dont have enough money for employ somebody to look after hi daughter,but he uses money with friends going out for drinks
am so confused by this behavior because its new he was not like this and we only have 2 months married

Answer 1

I have been married 9yrs, so I'm still learning too. Marriage is a constantly changing thing. It is important to remember that you are all still adjusting to something that is new & exciting & even scary. Some people handle this differently than others. Keep telling him how you feel. It's crucial that there be no secrets in a marriage. If you are truly concerned that this is not just an adjustment issue, you should explain to him what it is that you want from this marrauge. He can't possibly know unless you tell him. You need to keep the lines of communication open. Without it, a marraige cannot possibly survive. Good luck

Answer 2

Sounds like you have two choices. Either stay home and take on the mother/homemaker role or go get a job.

I don't buy the you can't work because of the cost of daycare story. If she's in school you can enroll her in the after school program. She'll get a snack, academic support from 3 to 4, then there's an activity, a small dinner, and dismissal at 6. My son is required to go to academic support. He can go home after that so long as homework is done. I do not do the homework battle.

Call the school and inform them of the marriage. Tell them that the little girl is not adjusting and ask if she can go to the school counselor on a regular basis so she can discuss her feelings. The school will notify you if there is a larger issue.

This would allow you to work from 8 am til 4 or 5.

Or just work while she is in school. Establish your own account and contribute to the bills. Or agree that you will do the groceries and pay one of the bills. Whatever works.

If he can't afford to pay someone else, then he can't afford to pay you. He considers supporting you to be barter for child care.

Bailing now is a bit premature as he seems to have had some preconcieved notion as to how this was going to go that he did not clue you in on.

You can't change his behaviors, dear. If he wants to go out he is going to go out whether you address the issue, pitch a fit, cut him off, or use the silent treatment. He's still going to do what he wants to do. So don't bring it up again. Just find your path and go for it.

As far as this child and disrespect. Do have conversation one more time. Explain to him that her behaviors have to be modified. Children cannot treat adults with disrespect. (She's picking up on his attitude towards you.)

Establish a routine of dinner, bath, some quiet time in her room, and bed. If she can't treat you with respect she needs to be taught that there are consequences. She just got dumped, too. You may want to point out to her that she and you are in the same boat. Maybe you can play a board game with her at night. You don't have a relationship with her, and you are going to have to be the one to establish that.

Try to create a peaceful home environment. He may be dodging home because he doesn't know how to be involved in forging the relationship between his daughter and his wife right now.

Bottom line, make sure you are doing the things that keep you physically, emotionally and financially healthy. I'd ask for a bit of that extra cash, take baby girl out, and let him have the house a night or two. Take her to dinner, go to the movies, or bowl or whatever. Let him know when you are going to visit mom or your bestfriend and then go alone. He can spend some time with her too.

Speak to this huband with respect when you talk with him. Respond to what he says. Do not React. Think about what you want to say, take a breath, and say it calmly and respectfuly. This teaches Respect. If he or she disrespects you then you cansay, "I don't talk to you like that,.....why would you talk to me like that?" and they have to think.

I'd let this slide a bit until you and baby girl have some kind of mutual agreement to treat each other kindly. then see how he is.

Answer 3

Sounds like he is just using you as an unpaid babysitter and things are going to get worse, if he doesn't change then you should end the marriage, doesn't sound like there is much love and respect, his daughter is his responsibility, refuse to look after her any more because she is rude to you, insist that you want to work, why should you be stuck at home with his daughter. I would definately not hang around him any more, get out while you can, before he ruins your life.

Answer 4

You should tell him that you wont accept this kind of treatment anymore and if he does not listen and change his behavior , you will leave him. At the moment he does not seem committed to you and that is¨unacceptable. If you can make him see the error of his ways, I am sure you can be as happy as you used to before you got married. Tell him now, don't waste any more time like this. You have nothing to lose but a lot to win!

Answer 5

He should only go out once a week with his friends cuz youre more important... And his daughter should be disciplined for not respecting you. He should take you out to dinner instead of all this drinking.. Talk to him about these ideas and good luck... He should demand his daughter respect you.

Answer 6

I would tell him that you refuse to watch his daughter if she continues to be disrespectful to you. You should have his attention seeing that you are willing to stay home with his daughter and take care of her. Perhaps some marriage counseling may be needed.

Answer 7

get divorce fast before its too late, he actually only using u as a maid or somehow, try to talk to him, if he wont listen better get divorce or u will suffer, there is no use of having a husband like that, tell about him to his and your family, its going to be long long years if you stilll going on like this, i am telling u that you beter not to get married than having a husband like him

Answer 8

with the alarming divorce rate-dont think of such a step.try to be tolerant.things have just started.give it time.do your house duties well and dont answer back if he shouts.do this for a year atleast and then see where things go.and yes dont stop loving him.good luck.

Answer 9

sounds like you picked a winner cut your loses move out