The Unity Candle?!?!?!?

Question

I have a question about the unit candle! Do you have to have one? My mom die a few years ago and so did my b/f's mom so if we had a unit candle who would light it? I guess my dad would for me but who would light it for him? Him and his dad do not get a long to good so he probably will not even be at the wedding. So what is the best thing to do beacuse I kind of want a unit candle. He has a 6 year old daguhter and thought maybe she could have a part in lighting of the unit candle. You know the whole thing about the family be coming one. Will somebody help me with this? Thanks for all your help.

Answer 1

A unity candle is not a must - but neither is having it lit by a parent. At many weddings, the candlelighter lights it. At my wedding, my two younger sisters were the candlelighters and so they lit the unity candles as well.

There are other, candle-free ideas you can consider as well. Sand is a popular one. You have two containers, one with white sand, one with black sand, and then you pour them into a larger container, preferably with a lid. The sand retains it's two colors, but can never again be completely seperated - just as you to still maintain your own individual personalities but are forever entwined.

Another one I have seen done is colored water. At this wedding, the bride had a vase of yellow water, the groom had blue - and when they poured them together it went green. You could customize the colors to your wedding colors of course. This particular wedding, the bride had a 6 year old daughter. They used a container with a lid, and after the bride and groom poured their colors in, the daughter placed the lid on top - kind of like she was sealing the deal. That could be done with the sand as well.

The sand idea is the most popular - because the container you mix the sand in can become a keepsake. Pick a container with a lid, the has a unique design and it will become part of your decor at home after the wedding. You can also get sand in other colors to match your wedding colors if you wish.

Answer 2

Could your maid of honor and his best man light the candle before you walk down the aisle? There is still some significance in that because that's your friend letting you go too, and most of us have that one special friend that means so much to us. I dont know that it would be so easy for his daughter to light the candle as they're usually pretty high and using a lighter might not be easy either but I do like the idea and if you really wanted to do that you could have someone help her. Or maybe if you like that symbolism she can come up when it's time for you two to light your candle and stand between you and help light that one, that symbolizes the new family. At my wedding we had candle aubras (sp?) also, and they were lit before the ceremony, so it is possible to have your two side candles lit by an usher or even a friend before the wedding even starts.

Answer 3

I do not think that it is necessary to have a unity candle. There are other ceremonies that you can perform to unite the families for example colored sand. You would have two different colors of sand and you and him would pour them into a container at the same time. There are other version of this ceremony that you can do also. You can do this with a nice reading or the minister may have one. But if you are set on having the unity candle, get another family member to light your candle. That person does not have to be family.

Answer 4

A unity candle is not necessary and only became popular in the last 15-20 years or so. However, if you really want one you could have your father and his daughter light the side candles. There's no right or wrong way. Although it may emphasize that neither of you has a living mom at a time when you might not want an immediate reminder. My parents didn't have a unity candle and my mom had never heard of it.

Answer 5

Unity candles are more of a "Hallmark" than anything else...they are way over-rated and most churches won't let you have them during the ceremony (depending on your religion). Now, if you really want to be creative and still want a unity-type ceremony then you can use vases with sand...have 2 small vases, each with a different color of sand in them (try to use your wedding colors) and then a larger vase in the middle (empty)...instead of lighting the unity candle, you and your husband will pour the sand from each of the smaller vases together into the bigger vase...it will show both colors coming togetherin the middle, but still staying the same on the outside. Good luck!!

Answer 6

My husband and I have all our parents, but we didn't include any of them in the lighting of and candles. We had the ushers light the two small candles at the beginning of the service and that was it. I don't know if you really need a unity candle or not - I'd ask your pastor about it (or whoever is officiating).

Answer 7

No, you don't need one at all.

Also, you can have the two taper candles already lit when the ceremony starts. The whole part about the parents lighting the taper candles is a new thing anyway.

Answer 8

I got married 4 months ago. I have a 12 yr. old daughter who lost her mother, my wife has a 16 yr. old daughter and a 14 yr. old son who lost their father. Each child lit a candle of their own and then all 5 of us lit the unity candle and said a vow and a prayer as we became a new family. It was really beautiful.

Answer 9

The whole idea of the unity candle is to show two family becoming one. Any two people who are very important from either side can help with it. A few idea outside of candles-
Have someone from your side bring up a pitcher of wine with your family name on it, have someoen from his side do the same. Then you two each pour soem from your family pitchers ionto one glass and drink from it.
You could also have to jars of different colored sand or rocks and pour them into the same jar

Answer 10

I just got married and didn't use a unity candle, instead we united the family with a ring for my daughter and crosses on chains for my two sons.