About absent parents...?

Question

What do you think?

Personally, I think that when it comes to parenting, it should be ALL or nothing. For me, my biological father was not around AT ALL. We didnt even have phone contact. Several friends of mine have fathers that have been in and out of their lives, and that seems to really hurt them. Personally, I think that if a parent doesnt want to commit, they should just stay away completely, because it seems to tear their children up, never knowing if their dad (or mom) really loves them, and when they are going to see them again. Not having my real father around at all allowed me to accept a wonderful stepdad into my life, and I didnt have to go thru the sense of loss and rejection that my friends did when their dad wouldnt call them for a year. He just stepped back, accepted that he wasnt right for my mother or me, and let us build our lives.

In your opinion, is 'something better than nothing', or is it 'all or nothing', when it comes to parenting?

Answer 1

it depends on the situation, who knew what they were going through. As long as you have your childs best interest at heart and try to do everything to make there life as good as possible I think thats what matters. All families are screwed up. Just in diffrent ways.

Answer 2

I believe that when it comes to parenting it should be all or nothing at all. But some people hold on to the old belief that the father or mother should be in a child's life. If that individual has some of the many social problems that are prevalent in this day and age, it could be more detrimental to the child to have that person around. Many things are sometimes better left alone. Those that hold such delicate souls in their hands should step back, access the situation and truly see what is best for the child, not the mother and not the father, but the child. In more instances than most, now a days, a court has to make this decision, which is sad and the cases in this regard keep mounting.

Answer 3

You are absolutely correct. I guess its not a politically correct opinion, but its spot on. There is a girl in my daughters class who is being raised by her grandparents and both her parents are drug addicts. Well we went to her birthday party ( paid for by the grandparents ) the other week and her mum rocked up , late, and very very stoned. The courts had given her visitation. Well the birthday girl burst into tears. She was embarassed because of her Mum. She told her Grandma "why cant my mummy be like all the other mummys?" How heartbreaking is this? The mother didnt even stay to watch her blow out her birthday candles. This little girl deserves better than this! She is 6 years old and a girl any mother would be proud to call her own. I am happy for you that you are able to realise the value of your own situation. That is really good. Personally I believe it is a very selfish act to pop in and out of a childs life as a parent coz really you are not thinking of the child. All or nothing definitely

Answer 4

I'll share something with you. I am about to be 20 years old and my majority of my life i was raised by my sister and my brother. My parents were always working constantly day and night, for us. At the age of 13 me and my sister already had our own house, our parents would always be working in a different state, visiting us about once a week. So for me, growing up without adult supervision was outrageous. My sister was only a year older than I was and she was more of the rebel. When i get close to my teachers and share this information with them, they were very understanding. They saw how more mature i was than other students. I graduating highschool with Honors, NHS, and state recognition. Entire time i was on my own almost, but you know what, i would still love to thank my parents, cuz without them, i would not be who i am and be where i am. At this moment i am at a university and they're still away, but you know what, i have my priorities straight, it's not all about the parents, it also depends on how much the child loves their parents, to do the right thing. My mom always says, the more the child cries at their parents funeral, means the worse they (the child) was to the parent. If you do not cry much, means that you know deep down that you did all you could before their death. Somewhat true . . .

Answer 5

As a relations rights activist myself, I see many of the topic matters stemming from what's named Parental Alienation particularly than the stereotypical one figure relations. toddlers do want both father and mom, yet that doesn't recommend that it really is continually a need. A majority of guys do look after and preserve their toddlers, you in basic terms do not hear about it through the indisputable fact that tale doesn't promote papers..... Separation does not recommend an absolute winner/loser even as it contains custody. Granted i do not comprehend the specifics, yet one might want to continually save the doors open to the figure/baby relationship except there is abuse or forget. not in any respect communicate undesirable about the different figure on your baby, enable them locate out all alone as they are sufficiently old to make your ideas up for themselves. Your baby will want a good male position type contained in the intervening time. stay on the brink of relations and also you wont have a challenge with that. CS does not necessaily ought to go by technique of the state guidelines. The both absolutely one of you are able to come to a center aspect to the position you have become helped, and he may also pay his lease...... Shared parenting works too, and if he's able and prepared to do a 50/50 agenda, why not??

Answer 6

IMO- And I am in a situation like this with my 18 month old..His father and I were together for 2 years, Friends for 5 before that, I thought if I ever got pregnant he would be there for me, No matter what...I thought wrong. He has had NOTHING to do with my son nor me (Since I was 5 months pregnant- Which is when we split)...He's never seen my son, Never sent him anything..Nothing, And I prefer it to be that way, It's got to be either all of nothing...The whole concept of 'something is better than nothing' doesn't fly with me...It causes confusion in children, and hurt, Just like you said, And being a mother, I refuse to let my child go through that kind of pain...That's what mommies are for, To protect their children..And by letting some 'strange' man walk in and out of his life, I'm not doing my job.

When my son grows up, I plan on telling him who his sperm donor is, And giving him the option of contacting him, Although, I am hoping by that time, he will have realized, My fiance is the one who has raised him, My fiance has been his father, And will want nothing to do with the SD. :-)

Answer 7

I would love for my ex to totally stay away. He only gets involved when he wants to, and stays away when he wants to, depending on his mood at the time. He is not the type of guy who wants to be responsible for a child, yet he acts like he's cool because he can say he has two kids. When he is in my daughter's life, she enjoys having him there, but he is not a positive influence on her. He can't keep his mouth quiet and makes comments to her about me, or about other things that aren't true, either because he's mad at me, or because he's trying to get her to favor him. In our case, I think "all or nothing" works best.

Answer 8

I had both my parents but now I am a single mom and their father is not physically involved but he phones and writes and truelly I would perfer if he just left us alone entirely but I really dont know whats best for my kids so I let him no matter how much I dont want him too

Answer 9

It's all depends in you. although i grwew up with my parents(note: not in the same house) i never think of negative effect. i just live my life as i should. since grade school until i finished my college, to sum up all the time with my parents may be its just less than 1 year. even now i'm working i'm still away from them. so it's does not matter if you have or don't have your parents. Just live life as it is. Be thankful if they are with you or not. Be strong... <3

Answer 10

well some people prefer different stuff, like i think i'd rather know my dad and know that he's just a jerk instead of wondering, because i probably would look for him. But my dad's awesome so thankfully i didn't have that issue! i'm glad u're okay with ur dad not being around there are a lot of people that make issues out of that!