I was molested at 5 by my friends 17 year old brother. I am scared someone will hurt her. My daughter is only 7 and my mother keeps telling me I will regret it for the rest of my life if something happens to her. Still, until 7 months ago she was an only child and my brothers have no children for her to play with. I let her stay once with my neighbor and once at a birthday slumber party. Now she won't stop asking and crying. I have no problem letting her friends stay at my house. After what happened to me, I could not stay with friends until I was 13.
2006-11-01 17:39:06 · 19 answers · asked by Lori Pie 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Honey I'm so sorry for what happened to you. But you can't let that make you over shelter your daughter. I know it seems to you just a fun thing for her to do, but the skills she will learn from life experiences just isn't something you will teach her by keeping her with you all the time. I'm not saying don't worry,you're a mother that's what we do. Meet the other parents, go to their house, play twenty questions with them and if you think there is something wrong say no. But ask your self "Am I saying no because somethings not right with them or because I'm scared". I know it sounds harsh but you have let your past become a handicap for you, don't let it become hers. Good Luck
2006-11-01 18:48:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if your daughter is ready to stay over a friend's house if she is asking. It's a horrible thing that happened to you and I can understand why you would have more reservations than the average parent about letting your daughter stay away from home, but you can't shelter her forever. Are you going to keep her out of school and activities because of your fears?
It may help you feel more at ease if you get to know the family of her friend well before letting her stay over. Invite them over for dinner or for coffee one night. I realize that this alone will not guarantee that nothing will happen, but it can be helpful.
Also, if you haven't already, talk with your daughter about "bad touches" and explain to her what to do if someone ever tries to touch her in a way that is inappropriate. Remember too that any time someone touches her when she doesn't want them too, even if it is just a hug or a pat on the back, she has the right to tell them to stop. The best way you can protect her is by educating her and making sure that she knows that she can, and should, tell you anything that makes her uncomfortable.
I hope you continue your own healing also. Best of luck.
2006-11-01 17:50:05 · answer #2 · answered by MELISSA B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one. I know that my kids and most of their friends were spending the night at each others houses at that age, but with your history I can certainly see how you would be worried. I don't think that there is anything wrong with just telling your daughter that you are more comfortable having her friends stay at your house. I also think that you should talk to the friends mother and just tell them you are nervous about her spending the night because you had a bad experience as a child. You don't have to go into detail if you aren't comfortable. If you get to know the parents of the other girls, you will feel more comfortable letting your daughter stay with them.
I hope that you received counseling as a child, if you didn't then I hope that you will consider it now. What happened to you when you were 5 is not your fault, and I hate to think that it is causing you to live in fear for your children. Good luck to you.
2006-11-02 02:43:32 · answer #3 · answered by kat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With that history, I'd only let her if there are no older puberty-age siblings. You might also want to compromise and let her stay till 9-10 then come pick her up. My older two are 6 and 8 and they've only spent the night with a friend once, and they were together (friends were same age/sex combo as my kids). So I'm just as paranoid as you are. I'd rather they felt a bit left out than have something horrible happen. At this point in time, there is only 1 friend's house I'd feel safe with them sleeping over at. Nothing wrong with being careful.
2006-11-01 17:45:38 · answer #4 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because of your experience, I can understand your hesitation. If you feel you can absolutely trust the family at whose house she'd be staying, then perhaps you can just let her play over and see how that goes. Getting to know the parents of your children's friends is very important.
Seven seems a bit young for a sleepover, however. It may be the time, if you haven't already spoken to her of inappropriate forms of touching, to have that conversation with her. She is definitely not too young to be told that there are "bad" touches and that nobody other than a parent or doctor should touch her in her private parts.
Do what feels right to you. I see the dilemma you may be in, wanting to make her happy but fearing what could happen.
2006-11-01 17:48:25 · answer #5 · answered by 60s Chick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i see your point i was raped once and scared of the same thing she stays home with me but here's another solution let her have a sleep over at your house with some friends where they are in your house and not have nothing to worry about. Dont keep her from having fun though and maybe you should talk to her about ppl touching her i had a talk with my six year old. I told her at anytime anyone touches her down there or in a way that she ever felt uncomfortable she is to let me know. It doesnt matter who it is or if they say it is a game or whatever it maybe. To always rely on me and not be scared.
2006-11-01 17:47:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happend to you most likely not happen to your daughter. 7 is more then old enough to have a sleepover. My daughters started at 4. If she is ready, let her go. Talk to the parents and just make sure they are responsible people.
2006-11-02 00:23:09 · answer #7 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
understandably u are concerned my kid 1 and 2 had their 1st sleep over on friday night. i dont think 7 is too young but at whatever age they are 1 7 or 15 you should be 100% confident of who they are staying with and if have any concern say no, better safe then sorry
2006-11-01 17:43:42 · answer #8 · answered by Brandi D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
7 is not a young age! It's time your daugher to learn to be independent as well and it's a great chance. She will feel comfortable with her friends. But bear in mind that you know your daughter's friend's parents, where they live and how trustworthy they are. Then you will know what to do if your daughter is in trouble
2006-11-01 18:32:46 · answer #9 · answered by Cheesecakeextreme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't prohibit your daughter from experiencing life because of something that happened to you. it's perfectly normal for slumber parties and such. i used to spend the night over friend's houses for sleepovers all the time. let her have that social time she needs to grow. don't punish her for the crime of your friend's brother. later when she's a little older tell her what happened to you, so she knows your point of view.
2006-11-01 17:44:38 · answer #10 · answered by collgegrl11 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋