Mother in law!!!!!?

Question

My mother in law is driving me crazy. When my husband and I first found out we were going to have a baby (12 yrs ago, we were 18 & 19 yrs old) she said we should have an abortion b/c this baby was going to f*** up our lives.... we did NOT listen to her. All through the yrs she has been controlling telling us what to do what not to do. If she doesn't get her way she cries, literlly! She calls our daughter rude because my mom in law told her to color a pic. of a tiger and my daughter said she didn't want to color. She calls my daughter by her other granddaughters name. Makes it known that this other granddaughter is her favorite. She gets mad at us if we don't come to every family dinner she has. I don't have enough space n here to write it all out. We have tried talking to her, but she denies everything. We are at the point where we hardly communicate with her, b/c it always leads to a hugh blow out. What can i say or do to change things between us?

Answer 1

sounds like a typical mother in law. Nothing you say or do will help. The best advice i can give would be to try not to let her get to you. I think it is a mother in laws job to make our lives miserable. If she doesnt think she is bothering you maybe that will stop her. So, just ignore it and dont stress on it,

Answer 2

I just have to tell you...the reason I am answering this question is because I had the same problem. As a matter of fact, it destroyed my relationship. (well it had a little to do with it.) I got so tired of her telling me what I should wear or not wear, what I should feed my kids, how to treat her son, etc... She cried all the time too. Finally I had to tell my ex to put a stop to her shenanigans. He tried but she fell back into the same routine. I was so relieved when they both were gone. If you don't do something now it does have an adverse reaction on your own relationship even though you will both try to prevent that from happening. Good luck

Answer 3

You cant i have tried but instead of it being the mother in law it is his dad. Everytime HE does not agree with what wer are doing he gives us a guilt trip. HE even once threw us out bc we were living in his old house bc he did not want to rent it to strangers so we did this as a favor since it was my husbands house since he was little boy. His dad disagreed with something that we did and he said fine then get out of the house. so on so forth i could go on and on Eventually I JUST BOWED UP AND SAID FINE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SEE THE GRANDKIDS then he changed his tune now he is alot nicer to us. I ma not saying we still do not have are fights but now it is not that often bc he knew i was serious. I am not saying this is right for you but that is what i had to do to stop how he was treating me and his OWN son. SO i guess try that or write to dr.phil.
GOOD LUCK I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 4

First... Don't use the past against her... She was probably trying to save you both from a lot of hard struggles, etc... Her intentions were positive or she wouldn't have cared about your having to struggle. I know because I had 6 children by 24.... Not something I would want to see for any of my own children for sure... Let that go...

As far as her behavior now....
This is a replica of MY mother in law... This is simply bullshit and she needs to GROW UP, RESPECT her son and daughter in law, LOVE her grand-daughter.... but I really doubt she'll ever change...
She's too shallow and selfish to see who she is..

You and your husband need to tell it to her like it is... let her know that she's over-stepping her boundries, ruining the relationships she has with you, her son and her granddaughter, etc....
Tell her that this is her last chance.... mean it.
Unless you can't.... than tell her, "you couldn't respect us, love us and enjoy us"....so we had to move on without you to keep our family together and be happy. :o)

I hate it for ya but your not the only one out there with this issue...
We simply had to cut off all relationship years ago to prevent her behaviors from hurting our family any longer. Sad for all involved in my opinion but it something SHE caused, chose and I can't "fix" her. I CAN HOWEVER keep my family safe from having to deal with such bullshit....

Answer 5

I feel so bad for you.I'm glad I get along with my mother-inlaw she stays out of our business.I can't believe she wanted you to have an abortion no matter how young you were!I don't think there is much you can say to change this woman's mind ,seems like she is rude and disrespectful.I say for both of you to talk to her even if she doesn't want to hear it and tell her you don't come to her dinner's because of her attitude and if she doesn't change you won't be coming over for a long time then she'll have to visit you if she wants to see you guys and if not, better for you you won't have to deal with her!

Answer 6

you and your husband have to distant yourself from her. It is at the point where she is not showing you any respect. You may have to talk to your husband and come to an understand that if she continues this behavior. That you two will have to come together as one and start you own lives, traditions and maybe family dinners. The negativity that she brings with her is hurting your household. You and husband have to back control of your lives. Remember you don't have to be mean or nasty to get your point across, you only have be consistent.

Answer 7

Parents or In laws are supposed to only help you as a couple when they are being asked by both of you. My mother-in-law just couldn't understand this simple rule. I finally called my very wise parents (after four years... no I didn't wait any longer than that) and told them to talk some sense into her, because I couldn't have a conversation with her. She would also cry and talk bad to my husband about me. She instantly stopped making our lives miserable after their talk . I also didn't talk to her for about a year until I thought about asking my parents to help us get our message through to her. (via long distance call....lol> Germany> Hawaii)
I hope you will find a way to make her understand that she is making your lives miserable. Tell your husband to make it clear to her that he dances to your music now- not to hers.... have him use "we" and "us" when he talks to her about you guys.... that way she knows that he belongs to your unit. When my mother-in-law asks my husband to do something for her, he always says, " Let me ask M. (me) what "our" plans are for that day- "we" might have some plans already ... I'll get back with you."

Answer 8

The Bible says, Love your enemies, Bless those that curse you and pray for those that despitefully use you. I know that sounds like the opposite of what you'd like to do but it really works. I've been in that situation and it turned around 100% and through it all I just kept my mouth shut. If you do what is right without complaining I know you will be blessed.

Answer 9

i'm able to understand your concerns, yet I additionally beleive a Grandmother is likely one in each and every of the main impressive issues any new child could be blessed with. She raised your husband so she could desire to have executed an ok job! i might tell her which you're so grateful that she is so prepared to help, and that in case you DO want her make it easier to'll be effective to invite, yet which you're making plans to stay abode which incorporate your new child and for now, you and hubby are doing ok on your individual. i might carry your infant over to circulate to with Grammy, you reside there besides, yet in order that Gram can carry the baby and bond with him/her. in basic terms using fact Ben broke his shoulder doesnt propose something will take place on your infant (extraordinarily pondering she should not be cellular for awhile) injuries take place, extraordinarily with 2 year olds. additionally clarify to her that she seems so busy with Ben, and that a new child is so stressful you dont decide to burden her with 2 babies, she has raised her babies and executed an incredible job and now it incredibly is her turn to chill out and in basic terms be Grandma- no longer finished time infant sitter. perhaps in some months you will experience extra comofrtable, and you are able to go away your infant for short classes of time with Grandma. After some visits you are able to experience extra guard leaving him/her there. your babies would be waiting to have some impressive memories with grammy in case you enable them to spend time mutually, think of your individual memories you have which incorporate your grandmother. I understand being a traumatic discern-yet clarify your concerns to her!!! in basic terms be open and straightforward. Im effective she would have the ability to be sure the place you're coming from, she is a mom too!

Answer 10

Severely limit your contact with her because all she's doing is feeding off your frustration. My ex-mother-in-law was just like that, but worse (I imagine). She just loved getting me upset, telling me I was no good, sloppy, stupid - well the list goes on and on. When I stopped answering her phone calls and visits, it drove her crazy and I stopped having so many headaches and rage.