I no longer trust my bf who cheated. We are trying to work things out, yet I still don't trust him. How do I begin to trust him again?
2006-11-01 14:46:44 · 27 answers · asked by mslilbit24 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
All of your responses are greatly apprciated, but I can't decide which answer is better( they are all good). I'll have to put this question to a vote.
2006-11-05 13:45:28 · update #1
Since he's only a bf....break it off. You deserve someone who wants to be with you so bad that they won't cheat on you.
He won't change unless his life goes through a major transformation.
2006-11-01 14:49:28 · answer #1 · answered by megmom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a 30 year marriage. I went through the cheating thing with my husband 18 years ago. He swore it would never happen again, and I believed him.
Recently, I've been given strong reason to believe that something has been going on again ... possibly even with more than just one other person; there might have been a few encounters in the recent past.
I'm sorry, but as some others in here have already stated: Once a cheater, always a cheater. I honestly believe that some people are simply incapable of remaining faithful. They might be wonderful people in many other ways ( as is my husband ), but they just can't seem to nail that one positive characteristic.
I know the hurt and confusion you're going through ... I wish you the very best.
2006-11-02 10:31:43 · answer #2 · answered by mutt_buffer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I myself am in the same boat at the moment, so l know exactly where you are coming from. How long have you two been together? My husband and l have been married for 30 years and separated briefly when l found out about the other woman. We are now working our problems out but believe me it is not easy to forget what happened. It is however l think easier to forgive. You really just have to decide how important what the two of you had is to you both and work from there. Someone once said to me , think about what you will be losing , is it worth fighting for, if the answer is yes . Then you already have your answer. If the two of you are meant to be together and your boyfriend is truely sorry and trying to make things right then l guess it is all up to you. What do you have to loose. If things don't work out you have nothing more to loose than right at this moment. Do You . Whatever you decide GOOD LUCK. Remember you decide if he is worth holding on to , no-one else can decide that for you.
2006-11-01 15:09:39 · answer #3 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there before....actually still .going through the process.
Regaining trust is a process, which takes time, i'd say alot of time. Some people say once a cheater, always a cheater....
more often than not, it's true, unless the person is TRULY repentive and has had a heart change. Over time look at his ACTIONS... they will tell you whether you can trust him or not. Dont rush right back into a relationship
2006-11-01 14:50:24 · answer #4 · answered by sweetkiss_xo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart i was battling with the same problem... and its all within yourself.. you have to overcome the trust issue no matter what if you want this relationship to work... if you dont make yourself forget about it, you two will never last b/c he will know that you cant trust him anymore.. and even though hes the one that broke that trust, he still wants you to trust him and its all up to you now to do so... its either dont forget about him cheating and break up b/c it will only cause more problems in the long run... or totally forget about it, forget and forgive and move on to a lasting relationship...
2006-11-01 14:50:11 · answer #5 · answered by loveisntfair 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Screwing up trust is like not watering the house plant, it takes a longgggggg time to come back and nearly flawless behavior on the part of cheater. They have to be like an open book, let you know everything about what they are doing and they have to do it WITHOUT being asked. They have to be super motivated to prove their worth. If they have any slacker attitude then they are faking, playing and slipping along in their amoral world.
People rarely have moral 'upgrades', so I would not invest any more into this guy unless he is being totally over the top reformed. (and even then, I'd require monthly STD tests)
2006-11-01 14:54:09 · answer #6 · answered by kate 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a really hard one. Like, REALLY hard. Cheating and all? Unfortunately it's going to take an extremely long time to gain that trust back, and even then you won't fully trust him. You can't just make yourself trust him. I don't really know your circumstance with him and all, but I'd say don't stay with him. It's like you're letting him know that it's ok, that what he did is ok, and it isn't. In no way shape or form is that ok. What's to say he won't do it again? What if you get in a vicious cycle? Be careful girl :/
2006-11-01 14:49:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he cheated he has no right to expect that you would ever be able to forgive him or trust him again. I have never been able to forgive someone that broke my trust. Not from a lack of trying, but once someone has proved that they do not deserve your trust that is just the way it is. If you can learn to trust him again then you have incredible willpower. Trust is not something he has a right to, it is something he must earn. Best of luck to you.
2006-11-01 14:53:05 · answer #8 · answered by Mav 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once someone has betrayed your trust in them it's very difficult to see them the way you once did. Been there, done that. It's hard. You have to soul search and ask yourself if you really still want to be with this person and then work through the hurt and anger you feel. Maybe couple counseling might help you to rediscover your relationship and move forward. Hoping all works out for you...
2006-11-01 14:51:02 · answer #9 · answered by shellybear0925 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As much as you probably hate to hear this..............You will always be better suited with a partner whom is the same in his heart. No one can ever really tell you how to feel. You know in your heart if you can trust him or not. If you don't now, wait and see if you can later. But do not allow him to continue that kind of abuse. If it was in his heart to do it once, most likely it will be in his thoughts to do it again. Especially if he is forgiven so easily. First you have to do your own thing for awhile and give your heart time to heal. If he is the right one for you, then time will tell you that and you will feel it in your heart.
Been there, done that, way too many times girl. Once someone shows me they have intentions to lie, cheat, or hit.............I'm gone. I don't even associate myself with individuals like that.
Sorry for your pain and I hope things work out well for you. Good Luck, Tonya Sue
2006-11-01 15:05:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
trying to regain someone's trust is hard, but trying to trust again is even harder. I don't think you will ever completely be able to trust him because the fact that he cheated will always be in the back of your mind. Unfortunately I think you should just let him go. Obviously his isn't ready for a committed, monogamous relationship, and most likely he will do it again.
2006-11-01 14:54:04 · answer #11 · answered by Retarded Genius 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋