What the heck is wrong with me?

Question

Okay...so this is yet another question about "finding someone."

I am currently subscribed to a dating site. At this site, when you communicate with other members, you go through various steps. Also, the site lets you choose when you want people to see your picture; that is, you can choose to let people see your picture only when you get to a certain step in the communication process. Several times, I have started communicating with a woman that the site has matched me up with, but when we get to the level where she can see my picture, she closes communication (usually selecting as her reason "I don't feel the chemistry is there" from a list of reasons).

Now, in all humility, I am not that bad looking of a guy. I tend to classify my appearance as "average," but in reality, I can't say I am ashamed of what I see in the mirror. Now, I am kind of short (5'7"), and I do wear glasses. But I dress neatly, and in general practice good grooming habits.

Okay, so I guess this is really more of a rant than a question = P. So...what do you think?

Yes, it is eharmony.com. I didn't say that before because I didn't want to sound like I was promoting or denouncing a certain site. But since it's been mentioned, yeah, it's good old Dr. Warren's neck of the web.

And to the first person that responded: I know I would probably be better off meeting people the old fashioned way. But I decided to try the dating site because I have a hard time approaching women for dating reasons--sad but true.

I actually did wear contacts for several years, but I stopped wearing them because they dried out in my eyes (even the hydraclear (sp?) ones, the ones that AREN'T supposed to dry out). So, I went back to glasses. And honestly, I don't think the glasses harm my appearance in any way.

Also, I am not overweight, either--another comment for my appearance. I meant to mention that in the first place, but forgot to, for some reason.

Answer 1

If she's done with you when she see's your picture, then you shouldn't have wanted her in the first place. Not worth your time.

My advice, get off these dating sites, go meet someone in person. There is a common misconception that over the internet you "really get to know someone" because you dont have any physical worries. This is NOT true by any means. It's way to easy to lie over the internet, especially at a dating site.

If you can attract someone on a dating site, you can do it for real. if you dont get out there, you'l never find her

Answer 2

Begin all communication using your photo. Don't try to build something and then try to sneak in a photo later hoping the previous communication will override chemistry. You cannot control the situation. relationships are built on chemistry and communication. If the website makes you communicate before sending a photo (which would be strange) then state in the very first email the things you mentioned that you feel are barriers. You mention glasses, 5'7" and experiences of people saying there was no chemistry . mention this in your first email. What you mentioned like 5'7" might be barriers to some but not most. The fact that you mentioned them though means you consider them barriers so mention them right off the bat to get the fear and insecurity out of the way. Insecurity affects chemistry. A person who really wants a relationship and paid for and trusts the dating site, will take all things into consideration. haven't you had someone say ," I'm not a very good baker" or something like that and you liked them enough to say "that's okay, I'll try it, it's just a cake, no worries" etc. Mention your fears and see if the person stays around. that's what you want in real life anyway. People have a right to their opinions. if they reject you, that's their right. Don't be mad at people who know what they want and don't want. perhaps you might follow their example and really look at waht you like and don't like...not based on other's opinions. This will build your self esteem because you will know yourself and be able to reject what you do not want and accept what you do like.

Answer 3

If many women stop communication soon after seeing your picture, you're either chatting up women who are out of your league or you could use a makeover.

Dressing "neatly" and practicing good hygiene are hardly remarkable by most standards. Women want a guy who looks like he has slight edge/advantage to other guys.

With a pool of men, it's easy to dismiss the ones who don't catch our eye within seconds.

You should post your pic first. Then you'll only ever start talking to women who already know what you look like and who clearly like what you look like, or at least they are yet undecided.

But what about getting a really fashion first pal and having HER take you out for a new haircut, possibly contacts, maybe a little fake tanning, new duds...I know it sounds superficial but it could just draw the lady you have been hoping for....and in short time anyway, as soon as your couple up, you'll be back to normal.

Women get dolled up all the time for men. Try the same tactic.

Also, list your height. For tall women that may present a problem.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You can't really know if there is chemistry until you've actually gotten to know someone , at least briefly. A friend of mine told me about how she didn't think there was particularly any chemistry between her and a 'nice' guy she had met. He wasn't Brad Pitt. She'd been out with a few of those. But they kept crossing paths at parties. When her 'Brad Pitt' date disappeared for a chat with a 'hot' chick, he approached her again. He turned out to be a real 'sweety' and they are very happily married now.
Unfortunately, there are people out there who base a great percentage of their attraction to someone on their looks. Pity. Some of the nicest people I've met aren't 'Brad Pitt's and worth their weight in gold. Keep trying.

Answer 5

Unfortunately those dating sites atract a lot of people with poor expectations. And no matter what you do you will never measure up to the model in their minds. It is NOT you, I think that maybe you should join some groups, think of activities you like or would like totry. DO THEM! and use your charm and good grooming habits ;) to win em the old fashioned way. Believe me, the right one is out there and you will find her. Good guys re WAY too hard to come by. Just hang in there believe me she will be worth the wait. ;)

Answer 6

Stop using that site. Go too Astrology.com find out what YOUR zodiac sign is, then look at the LOVE MATCH TOOL, find out what signs you are compatible with. Create you a myspace account, use the browse section in myspace too look for girls with these signs. Have your page filled out with your pic on it already. Invite at least 100 girls too be your friend, then send out a message too one of these girls that tells who you are, what your about, and what your seeking. Copy this message, send messages too all the other 99 girls with this same message pasted but with the name changed. The that night when you go too bed say a prayer too God and ask him too help you find the right girl, when you wake up you will have found her and will live hapily everafter and will have a house full of kids. You will die at age 88, she will inherit your house and will move her new boyfriend in as your skin rots off your face

Answer 7

I hope you learn something about the business. Get life, enjoy the life as a single person - forget about the lost money on the net dating. Believe me if you could show minimum 6 number income - you could see a lot of the byches pictures.

Answer 8

You ought to ask to see their picture first! Maybe they like the whiskery type and the giant, burly men. Maybe they think you wouldn't like them as you look too classy. It's probably that you haven't gotten the right match for you. Try other matches that have a different profile than the ones you've contacted.

Answer 9

i agree with the first answer. it's really better to meet people in person. i haven't heard of many success stories from dating sites in the net. and from friends experiences, usually when they see the other person in real life. they don't like what they see.

Answer 10

It has to be your appearance. Something is not clicking for them. Beautyis in the eye of the beholder. What you see, is not what others see. You need an honest opinion from an impartial person regarding that photo.