should I give my baby up for adoption?

Question

I am having a baby girl (due Nov 30th). I wanted to give her up for adoption so she ca have a better life. I am 24 yrs old, and I have 3 children already. Their father has left us recently and started seeing another lady. I am living with my parents and I really feel like the child would have a better life with a 2 parent home with a mom and dad that can take care of her properly. I just want the best for my baby girl.I am doing the best I can with the ones I have, I am going to school so I can get a decent job and get us our own place but, it is so hard. I just want to do the right thing and want my children to have great lifes. I feel like I cannot raise another child, that I would be spreading myself too thin. What should I do?

I really don't appreciate the rudeness of some people. I just wanted an opinion, I know that I should have been on birth control, I am getting my tubes tied. I just wanted some kind words, I am already going through enough. Also, I am not a whore, I have been with the same guy for 11 yrs!

Answer 1

OMG....you are so strong there is no way i could go through what you are right now.

I say you do what your heart tells you to do. If you don't feel you can give that baby girl EVERYTHING then you should giver her up. You would be giving her a better life. Plus, you would never forgive yourself if you kept her and couldn't provide her with all of your love and attention. I say pray about it and see what your heart tells you to do.

good luck and stay strong i know its tough.....

PS: Tommy0827: that's why men don't need to be on pregnancy site. They have no idea about anything. Don't listen to his answer. He is just ignorant and illiterate...you can't blame him blame his parents. REPORTED

Answer 2

These rude people are the same ones that would have told you to carry the baby and give it up for adoption if you had written 8 months ago that you were pregnant and thinking about aborting.

If you are close with your parents, you may want their guidance on this as well. Also, adoption agencies will probably be able to give you some resources on temporary adoption or fostering, if you need a few months to think it over after the baby's born. You need to talk to them aslo about what the father's rights are. He sounds like a total jerk, but I don't know if you can give up the baby without his consent.

I've known people in the past who gave up thier babies for them to have a better future, and in their cases they were allowed to pick the new parents and have a relationship with their children.
(in one case, however, the adopting couple got divorced two years later!)

You've aready made the decision that you cannot handle this child. Now you just need to know your options. Decided if you want to arrange for the baby to be placed with someone else temporarily, permanently, or temp with an option. Decide if the baby is adopted if you want to be able to know the child, or if it will be a permanent split from you and it's siblings.

Also, now is the time to get a child custody and support order. Find out how much you're entitled to collect for either three or four children, and also you should apply for subsidised childcare. Ask yourself if having these things would be enough to make you want to keep your baby.

These are tough decisions. Good luck to you. Believe in yourself, and listen to what the rest of your family has to say, and you will make the decision that's best for you and the child.

Answer 3

You are really strong! I addmire that you are putting the child first. This question really stands out for me because I was born on Nov. 30 and I am also a 24 yr old mother. I know that it takes time. I have seen people have many kids and not ever care if the child was well cared for. I think you are a great mother for knowing what is good for your baby. I know how hard it could be doing it alone. I think that you should follow your heart. Having both parents is a great thing for raising children. I think that if it is posible you should try for open adoption. That way you would be able to see the child and know that you made the right desision. It would also keep her in touch with her sibilings. My husband and I have a two year old son and we plan to adopt. We also plan to let our children know their birth parents. So speaking from the other side as a parent who wants to adopt I know there are lots of loving familys out there. While looking for information for my me and husband I found many sites that have information. There are also profiles on familys looking to adopt. It is a way to help you place your own child if that is what you decide to do. It realy sounds like you need some one to talk to. I really feel for your situation. Please don't listen to all the ones out the that think this is a joke. If you do decide to put your baby up for addoption, please find some one for you to talk to and help you threw it. If you need a friend my email is [e-mail]. Best wishes.

Answer 4

It's your choice whether or not you give your baby up. I'm sorry about the father leaving you, you deserve better. If it were myself, I could not give up my baby (or abort)... what if the baby ended up in a bad home by chance? Abusing parents, what if the parents ended up in divorce too- you wouldn't have the 2 parents you thought you did. Things like that - I just couldn't imagine anyone else raising my children. I know it may seem hard for you right now, but once you get your schooling done and can find a good job, all that hard work will be paid off! And you will have 4 bundles of joy to celebrate with. I myself am going to get back to school soon- I have a 13 month old- unplanned, but we are doing okay for now. If your parents are willing to help you out - and if you can get financial assistance from WIC and the healthy start program, etc. until you are on your feet, why not? Also, not sure, but maybe you could get child support from the Dad?? All of that would help you out tremendously. Formula, baby juice, baby cereal, doctor visits, etc. Look into all your options before you decide. It's completely up to you. I've always said to myself, I couldn't ever give up or abort my child no matter what the case was. I'd do anything possible to make it work.

Goodluck!

Answer 5

Hi I think its very honorable that you would choose to better your child's life in this remarkable process. i would research all the options in this situation and see what I felt was best for my other children and the new baby. My husband and I have researched this issue also but have been doing the opposite by trying to find a little one to bring into our loving home. After miscarrying our first child and then birthing our son on 12/10/05 after trying for 2 yrs we are currently having difficulty bringing a child into this world. We thought we would turn to adoption so we can provide the love and stability a child would have in our home so we can have the joy of another child and our son could have a sibling to grow up with. If you decide that you would be interested in adopting out your baby maybe you could consider our home for your child. Maybe you could contact us by email at [e-mail] if you want more info on adoption or might consider us. Hopefully in whatever decision you make for you and your child you experience the miracle you are about to bestow upon the world. Good luck

Answer 6

I think you are a great mom for thinking of your baby first. First of all thank you for not aborting her when you realized you couldn't properly raise her. Also I commend you for being so loving that you are willing to put her needs above yours. If you know 100% that you cannot raise her and if you know that you will not regret it, than definatly put her up for adoption. I have 2 children and we are desperatly trying for another and for some reason it is just not happening and we have been trying now for almost 3 years. I know how devasting it is to want a baby so bad and not be able to have one. And their are so many women out there with the same thoughts. So if you give your baby up, you will be giving another women the chance to be a mom and give her all the love in the world. If we lived near by I would offer to adopt her. But there are so many women in the same situation as me right now too. God bless you in your decision.

Answer 7

I have a sister-in-law who has a baby by one guy and is having twins in one month by another. We have all tried to talk her into adoption for the twins but she wont do it becaause she is so afraid of it coming back to haunt her. But she (and you) are so in over your heads that the child(ren) would probably live a better life and be better taken care of with someone else. Plus, You would be fulfilling the dreams of some unfortunate couple who could not have children. Do you remember what it felt like when they placed your first baby in your arms, when you held that baby for the first time? When that baby first looked into your eyes? Do you remember that unforgettable feeling in that unforgettable moment? That is the gift you would be giving to a couple who may never get to feel that otherwise. What a blessing you would be! If you do decide to do this, just make sure you do your research and give him/her to a good strong family. Just for a tip: you might try to find a family that is financially stable and in whom the potential mother would be staying at home with the child. These familes tend to be able to better tend to their childs needs. Im not saying other families dont, but research has shown this to be true for the most part.
Good Luck! and May God Bless you in whatever decision you make.

Answer 8

First I hope that Dad is giving you money.

This is a really hard question to ask here.

It would be emotionally impossible for me to give up my baby, I have 3 also. I have thought What if we had another (financially probably could not afford).


My thought would be if adoption was possible where I can be a part of the child's life. So she would grow up knowing I gave birth to her but she is being raised by her adoptive mom and dad. I would ask to be able to attend birthday parties and now and then visits. Kind of like the role of an aunt.

But I'd talk with your parents. They probably would rather give you the world. I bet they would rather have their granddaughter live in their home forever than be adopted.

Perhaps they could convert their home to a mother/daughter home. Mom would be there for babysitting, and moral support. Bills for you would be less. And your family would be together.

What ever you decide, good luck.

I'll have a prayer for you.

Answer 9

I am so glad you are considering adoption and didn't have an abortion. I think people who give kids up for adoption are selfless individuals..thinking more about the baby than themselves. there are so many people who are waiting to adopt babies.I would love to adopt one. I have always felt that a person who can do that is a strong individual. Having 3 kids at 24..they can't be that old and I know you have your hands full.Going to school to give them a better life is wonderful. It's hard to live with your parents when you have children. I thank you for being so selfless.

Answer 10

I think that the best thing you can do is give the baby up for adoption. If you want to do what is best and you already have 3 other kids, I would say that giving this one up for adoption would be a good idea.

But it is your choice. It will be hard to finish school with being a single mother with 4 kids. You won't have time where other people out there will have the time and money. But it is your choice. If you are still in doubt, there are many adoption agencies that have open adoptions where you can see the baby when you would like to. (Like you and the adoptive parents would have a bond).

But I am a little confused. You write earlier that you were going to go after him for child support. (You asked if you could go after him for child support prior to the baby being born?)

Good luck!

Answer 11

I am pregnant to my due date is Nov 24 so I feel differently then you I am not with my childrens father either but I dont see giving my baby up because of it.You really need to think this through because you know how hormones are while pregnant you dont think straight and also what are your other kids going to think. If it about money they are other ways. To me its hard to hand a baby over after carrying them for 9 months and I dont think that you should be on this website seeking advice for a serious issue like that you need to be talking to a counselor and figure out your reasons why you dont want to keep this pregnancy because when you got pregnant I am sure you were living with your parents so something tells me that your doing this because your babies daddy