How can I get over my mother's death?

Question

I emigrated, and within a week of living abroad, my mother was diagnosed with cancer.

I came home a month later, and she died while I was on the plane.

It hurts so much when I think of her, I wish I could stop crying.

What can I do?

Answer 1

I think the best thing you can do when you're in pain is talk about it. Whether it be with a complete stranger or someone who was very close to you and/or your mother. Some people find even writing about the way they feel very therapeutic. I found myself in quite a bit of heart ache a few years ago and kept it to myself. The pain ate me up inside and i was completely obsessed with it. One night i got on-line and a complete random person started talking to me, was very friendly and i had the opportunity to tell this person everything that was on my mind. I can't tell you how good it feels to release it. As i was writing to this person i started crying because it just felt so good. He was understanding about everything i had to say and seemed to have so much advice and somehow said everything i needed to hear. After seeing how much that made me smile, i started, (slowly) talking to people about it and it was very therapeutic for me. I think that what i needed to realized is that i wasn't the only one feeling like that and there really are so many people in this world that are willing to listen and give an honest opinion.

I think the worst thing you could do is keep it quiet. I really do hope you start feeling better and I'm sure you can find plenty of people that have been through this very thing and help you through it

Answer 2

HI there,im so sorry to hear about your mums passing,,,,i know what your going through,,my mum died just over a year ago and it was really horrible. Nothing can prepare you for such a loss, I went and spoke to a few different councelors from CRUSE. they are fantastic,they know what they are on about,i found it such a relief to talk to someone who had been through a ordeal like mine..i still have my moments were it still feels unreal and i cant stop crying,,but i think its good to let it all out,,if you want to cry,then cry mate.nothing wrong in that. i know it dosnt feel like it at the moment but it does get better,time really is a good healer.. try and think of the good times,the times when you laughed,the times you had fun,i know it hurts and it will do for a while yet,,i dont think anyone truly gets over the death of a parent,,but it does get easier as time goes on... i dont know if ive helped or not but i do know what your going through. and again im sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

Cry! Crying helps more than you can imagine! And talk to someone close to you! When my father died all I could do was cry! But you know what it helped more than holding it in. Also make sure you think about the good things! That will get you thru a lot too! Whenever you feel depressed call someone up on the phone and talk to them! But make sure you remember everything GOOD about your mother!!! She will always be with you in your heart!!! Sorry about the loss! And I can't express enough to remember the GOOD things!!!

Answer 4

Oh that is so sad, I was luckier than you and did get half an hour with my mom before she died and it took a hell of a long time for me to come to terms with it too, but you know your mom must have been one beautiful lady to have such a lovely son as you and would she really want to see you hurting so much over her, I bet she loved life and was so proud of you, do her proud and remember your mom for the woman she was and not the woman you lost, take one of the photos you have of her and sit and talk to it, I know it sounds crazy but it really does help and she will be watching over you and listening too, you will feel better getting all the things said to her photo that you wish you had time to say to her in life, why not ring a bereavement councillor too, they are really fantastic people and totally understand what your going through, I did that myself and it really helped, it does get easier as time passes and there are stages of bereavement to go through, no time limit to grief, as hard as it is I hope you will soon be able to cope better, good luck.

Answer 5

I just went thru the same thing in March, even though we weren't close it still hurt. I haven't gotten over the fact that she is gone. I think about the fun things that we did together, and it makes it easier for me to deal, as for getten over it, I don't think any one really ever gets over their mom passing or any family member.
My brother was in the fire in Reno,Nv. I now have to cope with the loss of my brother as well, as time passes the tears will stop and the pain well subside. I'm hoping that this well help you,God Bless you and your family

Answer 6

Hun,it will take some time as to the grieving process,,it took me a very long time to process it myself when my mom passed.But I can tell you what made it go easier,,was writting my thoughts and feelings down on paper.I even wrote a short story of our life together,,,and the more I wrote down the less tears I found that I shed.
My heart goes out to you my friend,,as it is a big loss when a parent passes.May your days get better with every stroke of your pen.

Answer 7

I feel for you.
You don't have to "get over" your mother's death. You are allowed to grieve for as long as it takes, and don't let anyone tell you to get over it, snap out of it or get on with your life.

Crying is a normal, healthy reaction to your grief, and you should alow yourself to cry, scream, sleep, talk about your memories, whatever you feel you need to do.

There is no time limit on grief.

Allow yourself to grieve, take time off work if possible, and deal with it in which ever way you need to.

Once again, i really do feel for you, i wish you all the best in the future.

Good luck

Answer 8

I gues you feel a bit guilty that she died and you were not there.
Think of how your mum wouldn't want you to be sad, think of the release she has had from pain and that she is in a better place. nobody can make it better for you that will come with time, but think of all the good things and remember with love.

Answer 9

You never get over someone's death!!!! You learn to live with it and with time it becomes less painful - sometimes certain things will bring back the grief and you will still feel sad or cry. My mother died when I was 18 and I am now 40, I still cry sometimes. You never forget someone you love and you never get over it, you just carry on with life and learn to live with the sadness. Life goes on for you and your mother would no doubt want you to be happy. Remember her with love, make sure she lives on in your memories and in time you will feel less pain.

One way I remember my granma is to bake the cakes she used to bake with me. I teach my children her recipes and will leave them her cookery book. It makes me feel a part of her carries on with us and will continue when I am no longer here.

All the best

Answer 10

i could understand what you are going through. It's just a matter of time. Just think this way that you have to go from this world one day.
The more you think the more pain there is. Take care.