What's the funniest joke ever?

Answer 1

person1:my dog has no nose.

person2:how does it smell?

person1:bad.

Answer 2

Dennis Weatherman arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit accompanied by another man.

Going over his records, the IRS official said, "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your reported income. How do you explain that?" Dennis replied, "I love to gamble and I always win." The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look. "I can prove it," said Dennis. "How about a demonstration?" The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Dennis said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!" Dennis removed his glass eye and bit it. The official's jaw dropped. Dennis said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The official could tell Dennis wasn't blind, so he took the bet. Dennis then removed his dentures and bit his good eye. The stunned official was now three grand in the hole!

Dennis said, "Want to go double or nothing? I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and piss into that wastebasket by the door over there and never get a drop anywhere in between." The official, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again! Dennis climbed up on the official's desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much got pee all over the desk. The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win! But then he noticed that Dennis's friend looked ashen and was visibly shaking. "Are you okay?" he asked. The man replied, "Not really. Yesterday Dennis bet me twenty thousand dollars he'd piss all over your desk and you'd be happy about it!"

Answer 3

there's this crack head which always come to a resterant, he used to order a chicken, eats it and ran away until the owner finally fully remember him. one day the crack head went back to the resterant and order a chicken,now this time he see the owner held the chicken over and stood near him with a big knive and a big fork,he tell the crack head that what he do to the chicken he will do him. so the crack head begins to think..he said to himself'if i bite the chicken leg off he's gonna chop my leg off,if i cut the chicken wing he will cut my hand,what should i do??? ..................finally he came out with a idear,he took the chicken,turn it around, put his mouth on the chicken anus and begins to suck out the stuffings.


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long ago there's a framer and his wife,they live in the middle of nowhere.

one day in the morning his wife heard a crach....then a BOOM!!!he and his wife came out and investegate.....and surely enought they found that there's a big spaceship crashed on thier feild.then afterwards,two aliens came out,it was a couple,they tell the framer that the gas was low,and they end up here.the farmer gladly welcome them to his house to sit and they may spend the night there.

when night came they plan that they will sleep with opposite wif so the framer will have the alien's wife,and the alien will have the framer wife....when it was time they started intercouse,the wife of the framer was shock with the size of the penis the alien have so she tell him the problem,but the alin took no notice,he said it's gonna be ok and then he twis his ears and his penis came to the size she wanted.....the other day,when the aliens say goodbye and gone,the framer was distress,so his wife ask him what is the problem:well'he said:yesterday was the worst night,that frecking alien wife must be crazy,so twis my ears all night and i can't sleep!!!

Answer 4

Hank finally found the nerve to tell his fiance that he had to break off their engagement so that he could marry another woman.

"Can she cook like I can?" the distraught woman asked.

"Not on her best day." Hank replied.

"Does she buy you expensive gifts like I do?" she asked.

"No, she's broke."

"Well then, is it sex?"

"Nope,... nobody does it like you, babe."

"Then what is it? What can she do for you that I can't?"

"She can sue me for child support."

Answer 5

What's the last thing red riding hood said to the wolf?......"My grandma, what a BIG F*CKIN DICK you have there!!!

Answer 6

Yomama is so fat, she sweats meat loaf juice.