I met this great guy about 4 months ago & sensed he was nursing a broken heart but decided to take a chance because he was a genuinely decent guy. It started off casual & in time he made mention of things he wanted to do together next year & from now on, etc. I read those things to mean that he felt safe about something beyond the casual realtionship we had. I tried to slowly over a course of 3-4 weeks get him to open up more to me & open myself up to him. Nothing! So instead of assuming that he would get it, I told him I wanted him to open up to me. He broke it off with me. He said that even though no one else had ever treated him as well as I had & he had true feelings for me, he didn't see me as someone he'd spend the rest of his life with. Why was that in the equation of a casual relationship & how would he know that without taking the time to get to know me? Am I right that he is just afraid to love again & running? Was it too soon to ask him to open up to me? I'm so confused.
2006-11-01 11:45:47 · 8 answers · asked by PisceKween 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Also, when I asked him to open up to me, I made it really clear that I wasn't asking for any declaration of love or for him to claim me as his GF. I was content with how things were outside of the fact that he wouldn't open up and talk to me. Even after saying that, he cut it off. He said I was settling. He's probably right but at the same time, I too am healing from a past relationship and thought the casualness of our relationship fit well. I figured in time, maybe we'd both be ready. I made it clear I wasn't seeking a relationship anymore than he was. I was simply trying to get him to talk to me like he would with any of his other friends, of whom he is very open with. Was it wrong to want to talk to him about something beyond how our day at work went? Does opening up to someone equate to seeking a deeper relationship with someone, even if you state that you are not seeking something long term at the time?
2006-11-01 11:46:28 · update #1
Its better to wait..until he opens up..if hes mending a broken heart..dont push ANYTHING..and yes..it sounds like he was running..Sounds like..he really felt something for you..and it scared him..It also sounds like..in his past relationship..once he opened up..the chick screwed him over..so now hes paranoid about it..Maybe give it a little while more..call him..JUST to see how he doing..maybe have lunch..tottally casual..and if he decides to continue his friendhsip/relationship with you..wait until he opens up on his own..He'll do it when he's ready...
2006-11-01 11:52:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you didn't scare him off. He wasn't ready from the start. Never Never ask a guy to open up to you. Guys hear that as something else. I know that you said you weren't asking him to declare you as his girlfriend, but secretly you were hoping that this caring and compassion you were showing him would lead to something more serious. In the future if you meet someone who is nursing a broken heart don't expect anything. Just be true friends or if it was me I wouldn't take it that far. Have you heard that hurt people hurt people if you know what I mean. You too were hurting and two hurting people cannot console each other. It would seem that you could, but experience has taught me that in a relationship that 1+ 1 does not equal 2. You must be completely whole and the other person must be completely whole. When two people who are whole blend together they become one. Focus on becoming whole and healing yourself and when the time is right a person who you are compatible with will come along. It won't be easy but you can do it. Good luck!
2006-11-01 19:55:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did fine.
You were looking for a real relationship, based on sharing and trust, and he seems to be going through a confusing period and didn't knew how to react at your request.
This has happened to me too. Some people just can't figure out what they want in life. They always think that if they settle, they might be missing out something else, and that way they often end up empty handed.
Don't blame yourself. You did what you felt like doing. If you two are meant for each other, destiny will put you back together. Or he will look for you again.
If not, there's probably someone else around the corner. The important thing is that you don't blame yourself for the indecision of others.
2006-11-01 19:51:25 · answer #3 · answered by Just Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry i think he will be back he may just be in his cave a little he just got a little scared and he will sort it out and every thing will be fine but right now just let him be and wait and see sometimes guys move much slower just be patient and so,me times they take a step back before going forward again just relax!!! it sounds like he maybe a little confused too!!!
2006-11-02 08:24:09 · answer #4 · answered by numan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny thing about love. You never know when you fall in, and never know when it's gonna bite you on the ****.
I think he scared himself off. I also get the impression you were indeed settling. See about living solo for a while. Hang out with your friends and see what life is all about.
2006-11-01 20:00:58 · answer #5 · answered by khanofali 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not ready for anything. Don't take it personally, you are both probably too early post-breakup for any kind of romantic relationship. Good luck.
2006-11-01 19:48:39 · answer #6 · answered by I'm Trying 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, i believe you have spoken the truth and if he loves you, he shall accept you what you are, not just because he only wants sex or any other particular matter from him. You did the right thing, dont worry, if he is the right partner than he will accept it and follow exactly.
2006-11-01 19:49:55 · answer #7 · answered by THILLAI a 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he is just not ready. gurl dont sweat ovah it!! we are girls, we can find another fish in da SEA! : ) but if u wanna hold on, good luck tryin 2 change tht boys mind
2006-11-01 19:50:31 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋