My wife wanted me to sign over the house and give it to her
for alot less than what I paid for my half & lot less than what it is worth now. Long story- but this is what she wants. I still love
her - b/c we had been married 12 years- but she never wanted to
give in her demands for the house or settle somewhat. So, for
10-11 months we have lived apart and moved on independently.
I recently began talking to her -and we had spent some time
togetehr-kiss and hugged but no sex.But my wife is still
unwilling to compromise in the house issue Should I feel
guilty about going on a 2nd date or dating other women-because
my wife has not given me any indication she wants to truly
be with me. I feel guilty about dating only because i am very
devoted-but at the same time- I can't put my life on
hold forever for someone that does nopt want to commit to being
with me for the long haul- I should be more important than any
house !
2006-11-01 11:39:27 · 15 answers · asked by don;t know 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Quite the predicament you're in fella. Ask her in your own words, or maybe my words, whatever suits you, hypothetically what would happen if you gave into her demands. Let her know it IS just hypothetical. If you think she'll take it AS you giving in, don't do it. The alternative would be chill out on dating for just a little bit, hang out with her more and see where things go. If they go nowhere or backwards, start dating again with no guilt. I don't have to tell you what you should do if things between you and your estranged wife progress lol. From what I can tell, it could go either way. She won't give in about the house which in her mind COULD mean she gets to keep you around for a little longer while she figures out IF she wants to give the marriage another shot. It could be she's not giving in because she truly wants what she's demanding and wants YOU to give in. It could also be she's holding off on giving in just to give it a little more time before she screws you out of the house, make you sweat. I've given all the advice I can think of. I hope it's of good use to you in some way. Good Luck.
2006-11-01 11:50:42 · answer #1 · answered by viva_bamm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your last statement answers your own question. If the house is what is most important to her than you obviously are not important enough to her.
If you are separated from your wife, there must be reasons. It sounds like finances might be one of those reasons.
I would say that you should make sure that everything is split evenly. Do not give her the house at whatever price she wants it. Remember that you have to have some money to live on after the divorce is over.
If you think that the marriage is over, there is no reason for you to feel guilty about dating. If you and your wife are making up and you date as well, that would be a problem.
Take care,
Troy
2006-11-01 11:54:13 · answer #2 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Any children living in that house? If so, I'd make a deal, let them live there paying rent, reasonable as possible and what she can afford or a break on alimony, whatever. Then the house should be sold and divided evenly once no children are living there. Until they are 18. If no kids, it should be sold now, ASAP! Don't be stupid. She has it made in the shade! I'd like a house too please, Got one for me? Come on. Get it done and go out, and tell her ahead of time and don't listen to her she wants her cake and eat it too.
Don't be manipulated and used by her, that's all it is. You only have one life and this is it! You need someone and you paid for the house and that money is at least half yours unless you did the cheating thing, then it's optional, and you aren't in the house, did you desert her? Hummm, you may have to get back in to get it split, get a good lawyer to give you some advice and get this over with. Good luck.
2006-11-01 11:50:10 · answer #3 · answered by MISS-MARY 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had this kind of situation. I made a very naive (I don't want to say stupid b/c it seemed right at the time) decision and chose to get married at 16 after a LONG dating period with the guy-well-things didn't work because he began acting very differant after we married and moved in together (note: I WAS graduated with a full time job before people jump on things) and we split several months later. And you know what? I dated people but I always got back with him during my breakups because I wasn't ready to let go.....finally though, I realized the problems don't go away and can't be "fixed", they are always going to be in your mind. Now we're getting finalized and I'm dating a WONDERFUL guy. Wait until you have to deal with how people look at you differant once they know you're divorced. >_<
2006-11-01 11:56:18 · answer #4 · answered by randompersoness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should hold off on the dating, not really because of the situation with the ex, but because you obviosly still have unresolved feelings for the wife, and its not fair to you or the person you mat date, that you get invilved until you are emotionally ready for another relationship. Get through the divorce, if it happens, maybe you will resolve the differances, and if not, start dating when you have delt with the hurt of a failed marriage.
2006-11-01 11:46:31 · answer #5 · answered by shrimpseys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough deal. You have a bad attorney or you got the 401k or what? Whatever made you two make the decision to split...it seems she's sticking by it even through the separation.
It might be helpful to hang out and casual date just to mingle with others for the sake of sanity.
But it sounds like its over for her. Sorry, I could be wrong...are you all going thru counseling? Good luck and Peace.
2006-11-01 11:48:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been there. Seems to be that your wife is apparently playing games with you. She knows your points of weakness, namely that you still love her and wants to use this to her advantage. I wouldn't feel guilty about starting a new life, but get a divorce as soon as possible. Your wife spells trouble, so watch out. You sound like easy prey for a determined woman.
2006-11-01 11:45:58 · answer #7 · answered by seek_fulfill 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it is hard emotionally, but the truth as I know it is you should not date until you are officially divorced. That is not fair to any woman who might take you up on an offer for a dinner/movie to find out you are not officially divorced, but only in the "process." Putting your life on hold as you say is not right either, and making every effort to finalize things should be your priority. I pray you will be able to clear everything up with her.
2006-11-01 11:43:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is on the "wants to have her cake and eat it too fase". If you are going through a divorce then you are doing it for a reason, if I were going to try and work things out and it was a true effort on both of your parts then I would say not to date anyone else, but sense it is not like that then I would say go ahead and cut all ties, move on with your life....think about you, bet you haven't done that in a while...................
2006-11-01 11:44:54 · answer #9 · answered by TNL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question"I can't put my life on hold forever for someone that does not want to commit to being with me for the long haul". Follow your own advise, move on. As far as the house situation, if you don't agree to it then don't do it that way. Talk to her and come up with another solution.
2006-11-01 11:43:52 · answer #10 · answered by Backwoods Barbie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋