My fiancee is Catholic and I'm pretty much Atheist. We were going to have an outdoor wedding, but his mother was completely devastated at this and we changed our minds and decided to have it in the Catholic Church. I'm regretting this now and want my wedding to have nothing to do with God, what should I do?
2006-11-01 11:18:16 · 24 answers · asked by Monica V 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We've already started all the pre-cana stuff and I don't have to convert or anything.
2006-11-01 11:28:53 · update #1
We have met with the preist and the church no longer asks you to promise to raise the children catholic, only to try. We have decided that he can share his views with the children and I will share mine. Just like if one of us was vegetarian.
2006-11-01 11:50:00 · update #2
My fiancee is well aware of my beliefs and supports them. He doesn't want me to become Catholic at all. We had no problems until his mother came into the picture.
2006-11-01 12:32:20 · update #3
My fiancee isn't that into the whole CAtholic thing. He would go to church two times a year if he was around his parents. Now that we have moved out of state to live together, he doesn't really go to church (this is his choice, not mine). So I am open with him about this, this isn't a secret. We talk about religion all the time.
2006-11-01 13:48:58 · update #4
I got married in the Catholic church and I don't believe in any of their bull. Since you're an atheist I wouldn't worry about it. Just get married in the church it will keep peace in the family and you won't have to listen to his mom complain about it for the next 30 years and trust me, if she's like my MIL, she will. I've been married 13 years and she's still complaining about the lack of limos, like anyone cares. Did your fiance go to catholic school? If he did you might need to get married in the church just so he feels married. That's why we got married in the church, residual guilt from the 12 years of programming.
Alternatively you and your hunny could do the outdoor thing by yourselves and then do the church thing after. Don't even tell anyone about the outdoor thing, that way you both get what you want and hey, you can wear the gown twice. Good luck.
You could also have your outdoor ceremony on your honeymoon. I think it would be nice to have your own ceremony with just the two of you and officiant before or after the church thing.
2006-11-01 20:45:25 · answer #1 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why not have your outdoor wedding and have it officiated by the Catholic priest? I know many Catholic priests will perform ceremonies wherever the couple wishes, as long as there is something which can serve as an altar. Also, it doesn't have to be a full Nuptial Mass. It can just be a Rite of Nuptial Blessing instead, which will eliminate having Holy Communion. Maybe that would make everyone happy?
Since you're an atheist, though, God shouldn't even be an issue for you. If you don't believe in Him, then why take issue with someone else's beliefs?
2006-11-02 01:05:44 · answer #2 · answered by Kathrine E 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I went through the same thing with my mother-in-law when my husband and I got engaged. I didn't want to get married in a church because my husband and I were raised in different religions. I had originally wanted to get married outside but when we mentioned to his mom whe flipped out. We ended up getting married in a non denominational church that was absolutely beautiful. Do I regret this? Sometimes. The wedding is suppose to be what you and your fiancee want, not what everyone else wants. You can't please everyone so it isn't even worth trying. Just talk to your future mother-in-law. Let her know how you feel and see what she says about the situation. Sitting down with her and airing your issues might help clear up the issue and make everyone ok with the outcome.
2006-11-02 01:26:11 · answer #3 · answered by stephanne1978 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have time until the hour of dying. And one does no longer recognize while that hour will come. It appears like you have already got the stirrings of grace inside your center. Harken to God's name whilst there may be time. Maybe you wont pay attention it once more. Start with pronouncing the Holy Rosary. If you discover it intricate, start with a unmarried Hail Mary prayer an afternoon and paintings as much as pronouncing a minimum of 5 a long time of the Rosary everyday. Slowly you are going to receive the grace to wish extra and cognizance extra on eternity instead than the fast existence all of us have in the world. Go for a confession and start attending Mass and satisfy your duties to God. You have already got the humility to confess your weaknesses and God is joyful with the standard. ' If in these days you pay attention His Voice harden no longer your center' God bless!
2016-09-01 05:45:24 · answer #4 · answered by kushiner 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, congrats on getting married! Best wishes.
Your wedding ceremony is *your* personal choice. It's your wedding (meaning, yours and his), and the two of you should come to a decision together as to where and how the wedding should take place. No one else really has a say in it, not even his mother. Others can offer their suggestions and their wishes, but the final decision is in the hands of the two of you. If you can't come to a mutually satisfying agreement as to how to conduct your wedding, my guess is that you have a lot more disagreements to look forward to when you're married.
P.S. I am an atheist myself; one of the most important requirements has always been for my partner to share my convictions to one degree or another. My husband is an agnostic. His mother is a devout Catholic, and is not happy with either his or mine religious "affiliation"; but luckily I married my husband and not his mom. I respect her beliefs, but I run my life according to my own.
2006-11-01 11:35:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm always amused to hear of people who are not religious, but hold the wedding in a church as a kind of "backdrop" for their ceremonies.
This doesn't sound like you.
You have to stage the wedding in a place that the two of you feel comfortable with. Nothing wrong with selecting an outdoor site; in fact, it can be beautiful and meaningful in a way that being indoors can't match.
Good luck; hope you find just the right place!
2006-11-01 11:31:25 · answer #6 · answered by silvercomet 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im catholic and getting having a catholic wedding but you know you have to speak to your fiancee and tell him how you really feel. Do it now before you start the premarital counciling and it will be late. If i was in your situation i would tell him how i felt and decide ok i would like a wedding outside and then maybe later we can have the whole catholic wedding but now i cant do this. You cant lie to god and be at the alter and promise to love and cherise someone if you dont believe in him. But good luck in whatever you decide.
2006-11-01 12:14:29 · answer #7 · answered by Happy Mommy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The two of you are starting out wrong if you can't agree on the ceremony. If he is a true Catholic, he shouldn't give up his beliefs. Weddings were designed in the Old Testament by God for his people. As Christians and Jewish people today, we hold the same beliefs that marriage is ordained by our God. Yes, you can leave God out of your wedding, but this something that the two of you must discuss, and agree upon. You want to start your marriage out right. Even though you don't believe, I think both of you would benefit from talking to a priest. Don't take this lightly, you want your marriage to be sound and something like this can set the path for the rest of your lives. Take care and I will say to you and your fiancee God Bless. Rea
2006-11-01 11:34:45 · answer #8 · answered by Rea 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This would be very wrong. How in the world are you going to live a life with a man with Catholic values, who will want to raise his children Catholic, with the sacraments and all? I truly think you don't have a clear view of what you are getting into. Catholics don't just go to church, their religion is a part of their everyday lives - praying, Holy days, special religious holidays such as Christmas and Easter - are all crucial to Catholics. These and other values are taught to children - that family is of the utmost importance, the church family is an extention of your family as your faith is. Usually, they attend Catholic school, and if they don't they would probably go to Catechism weekly. It is all a commitment.
I think you have to be really straight with your boyfriend and let him know that you are not ready for this and do not want this. Tell him the truth, and hash everything out with him. Don't just go along with it and lie about how you truly feel - and then he will be devastated because he does not have the family life he envisioned. Make sure you talk about contraception, abortion, family planning with him, too, and about having children and how they are to be raised. How did the discussions with the priest go in your pre-marital counselling? Did you go to Engaged Encounter?
2006-11-01 13:43:38 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You shouldn't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. When my family was helping me start with my wedding planning, it was basically me just giving in to whatever ideas they liked. My wedding was going to be a very formal, traditional winter occasion, which everyone knows is nothing like me and my fiancee. We got sick of all the stress the pressure was causing and now we're having a very laid back wedding in July. You'll feel better the more comfortable you are, and also remember, it's YOUR wedding. Just because you disagree with his mom doesn't make you a bridezilla, it just means your standing up for what you believe in. It's particularly hard with religious differences, but do whatever makes you feel comfortable, even if that means giving in to what you future mil wants.
2006-11-01 11:25:54 · answer #10 · answered by antiqueyouth 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋