i spill my heart for you day by day
and i always say three words
I love you
never again can we be apart
or I'll be left with a broken heart
but we fall to peices every night
but still i kiss you and say goodnight
but this just wont work anymore
forever now i'll feel sore
and deep inside im very hurt
but still i will always say those three words
I love you
2006-11-01 11:13:00 · 10 answers · asked by steven beck 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i really like . its very sweet.
2006-11-01 11:26:19 · answer #1 · answered by smithbooty26 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The beginning is pretty good, but it has some problems in the middle.
but we fall to pieces every night does not make sense coming after not being apart.
After that line should not come a "but"
After that "forever now I'll feel sore" does not work
The poem can be made to work. It just needs a bit more thought and the story line needs to flow a little better.
Take care,
Troy
2006-11-01 11:30:47 · answer #2 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is a good poem but you need to remove the but's lines 6-8.
2006-11-01 11:16:08 · answer #3 · answered by cmsmith114 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes that is a good poem but on the 9th line sore is actually spelled SOAR in the way you are using it.
2006-11-01 11:17:34 · answer #4 · answered by a girl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try too catch the rythem, it is pretty good. Work on it.
2006-11-01 11:15:09 · answer #5 · answered by My dad ate my homework 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HELLS yea dats a gud poem
2006-11-01 11:16:35 · answer #6 · answered by loca_baby_4u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ok, needs feelings deep with in you.
2006-11-01 11:17:28 · answer #7 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
boring
2006-11-01 11:15:03 · answer #8 · answered by acierman2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
poem dont work anymore. sorry
2006-11-01 11:16:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
oh dear.
dump her.
2006-11-01 11:15:45 · answer #10 · answered by blackeyedkat05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋