i spill my heart for you day by day
and i always say three words
I love you
never again can we be apart
or I'll be left with a broken heart
but we fall to peices every night
but still i kiss you and say goodnight
but this just wont work anymore
forever now i'll feel sore
and deep inside im very hurt
but still i will always say those three words
I love you
2006-11-01 11:11:56 · 19 answers · asked by steven beck 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
"night" and "goodnight" doesn't work.
2006-11-01 11:13:50 · answer #1 · answered by Devil 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sniffle, sniffle. That was so beautiful. lol No, seriously it sounds like something I would write and I'm a wonderful poet. I honestly enjoyed that. You have a gift embrace it. For the past 3 years I've been writing poems whenever my emotions run high and one day I'm gonna publish them. You should do the same. (I took out the sweetheart because I realized you are a dude.) I thought I was the only man in the world who writes great poems. Seriously!
2006-11-01 19:16:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
but we fall to pieces every night! Cause you have a great desire of having sex with him,but somehow the person is ignoring you due to certain restrictions imposed by both of you.Instead of saying " I love you" tell him straightway Can we have some fun to night? Is a good poem! Cause it's came out from your heart without any glitter.
2006-11-01 19:19:33 · answer #3 · answered by precede2005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but its terrible. I'm sure it isnt because you arent feeling it, but more because you lack the literarary technicalities. Keep explanding your mind by reading poems, you'll see in no time that it'll start to rub off on your creative writting as well.
2006-11-01 19:15:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
not bad
but to me it seems like you're really only talking about yourself
somehow you need to involve the other person more passionately for the reader
keep up the good work
you have the makings of a good writer
2006-11-01 19:21:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds great! much better than I could do my self, but I'm thinking it would be better if you added "i love you" in the middle somewhere. Just a thought though! Sounds good, its a keeper.
2006-11-01 19:16:16 · answer #6 · answered by sweetie*pie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on what good you see it as. Sounds a little desperate to me, and probably to the person youll tell it to. Also sounds like your sincere about it, it has the double edged sword.
2006-11-01 19:16:03 · answer #7 · answered by thaheartoflife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive heard worse,but it seems like the poem has feeling and I'm sure whoever you give it to will feel it also
2006-11-01 19:15:59 · answer #8 · answered by @ubreY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its an awsome poem! love it! I wish my ex-boyfriend had true feelings, he was just cold hearted! But your not, this shows you are a really cool guy!!!!!!!! Way to go, tell her how u really feel!!!
2006-11-01 19:19:40 · answer #9 · answered by P-bug 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It still needs some work. Don't publish yet.
2006-11-01 19:15:57 · answer #10 · answered by Andrew G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good! Are you kidding? I love it and would be loving life if someone wrote that to me.
2006-11-01 19:14:27 · answer #11 · answered by linnygirl06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋