Talking is hard for me. What to do?

Question

I've never been a talkative person and it frustrates me that I cannot talk like how everyone else does with small talk. Even when I am relaxed- relaxing is like not really talking for me or it is just mumbling and rambling on about nothing. Most of the time I am just quiet. I;ve had depression for over 4 years now and it just puts my mind in a negative rut and I can feel myself sinking and it stops me from enjoying anything around me

It's not only frustrating me, but also the people around me and I don't want that to happen. I mean I don't mind me not talking but I hate to see other people uncomfortable around me. It makes me depressed when I see them bored or depressed. Shy people- what do you do? Any tips? I know this is a hard one for tips, but even if anyone has any similar experiences- if you've changed or not- that would help. Thanks.

Answer 1

I had been shy but I am not shy now yet, I am quiet like you so being shy is different from being quiet. I think when you have not something to talk and do not talk you are not shy and you can call yourself absolutely normal. but it sometimes occurs to me(us) that I want to start conversation with a stranger (or even a familiar person) but I can not. I think these times I am afraid not to have a good impact on him/her and be rejected. this fear is because of low self esteem which roots in painful experiences in the past(you may remember when expressed yourself, they laughed at you).
Now, I hope these tips be helpful for you:
1-in such situations where you want to start a conservation, remind yourself that the pain of rejection is far less than the pain of regret.
2-try to be a starter. do not wait for others to make conservation. I think, being a starter requires social skills which you may have not enough of it. but, the only way to acquire skills is experience .you would fail in some of these experiences and it hurt you but remember; "NO PAIN, NO GAIN".
3-Read some books about "First Impressions". they help you to rise your self esteem.
4-do not label yourself as shy. when you repeatedly say "I am shy" accordingly you will act like a shy person.
5-Look at talkative persons. they usually do not care about what they say and what the effect is.I think it is better not to be too much worried about our expressions.

Answer 2

I used to be really shy, I was diagnosed with depression when I was 12, I am now 26, When I was 21 I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. and Now, i am doing all right. Well first, I would suggest talking to a couselor or therapist, They are good because they will not lecture you or tell you you are crazy. They listen and can help you open up around other people. Mine helped a ton! plus finding the right anti depressent helps too. No one pill works for everyone! I had to try every new drug since 1992 untill last year and come to find out one of the old school drugs helped me the most. If you ever need someone to talk to you can email me... I'll try to help if this helped at all~:) Good Luck!

Answer 3

I know exactly how you feel. I've always been extremely shy - to the point of having social anxiety. It runs in my family, unfortunately. Usually, what I'll do - and I know this sounds stupid, but it HAS worked for me - is make myself smile. I don't know why, but smiling makes me feel better, no matter how down I am. Or, think of something that makes you happy. If you look pleasant, even if you're quiet, people won't feel uncomfortable around you. Sometimes, I force myself to talk. It's really hard, but once you get talking, it gets easier.
I really hope this can help you.

Answer 4

I am so shy and anti social yet the people I know say I don't stop talking. I guess it is whenever I feel comfortable with someone. You need to be around people who do not make you feel awkward. Do not make them feel that way either. Try to talk more make little comments about stuff. Be yourself and if that means staying quite at first do that let others do the talking until its something you like to talk about or understand don;t be afraid to express your opinion even if it is different your still entitled to have you own opinion about things.

Answer 5

http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X

This book and "How to Win Friends and Influence People", an oldie but goodie might be a good place to start. Also, scroll down the page on the link I gave you. There are other similar books that might help.

Another thing, and I don't mean this in a negative way, many shy people are very self-centered. They are so busy thinking of themselves that they forget about trying to do whatever it takes to make the other person comfortable. I'm sure you don't mean to do that, but it happens.

Good luck. We all know how it feels, and I hope you are able to feel more comfortable with other people.

Answer 6

speaking is not uncomplicated because people do not understand what to assert. And adult men do not get a number of experence speaking a lot, so that they do no longer understand what to do. and folk are petrified of declaring some thing incorrect or undesirable. As a guy i'm much better probable to ignore a woman i love then seek for suggestion from from right here.....why hardship, there is not any probability she will be able to love me back.

Answer 7

I have those symptoms, but I have conditions, social anxiety and clinical depression. Do you get nervous around people or uncomfortable and can't look people in the eyes when you talk. You may have this. My doc has me on anti-depressants and I used to take Paxil for the social anxiety.

Answer 8

I was the same exact way as you, minus the depression. I found that taking classes at a local community college that forced me to speak helped me get over that.

Just take your time, do whats right for you and don't push yourself.

Answer 9

i can't start a conversation or even carry one on because i get so nervous and have nothing to talk about. also why i am so shy. i don't want to sound stupid... i also suffer from depression, another reason why i'm quiet. all i can do is stay quiet and i won't humiliate myself.

Answer 10

Some people just don't enjoy small talk. They reserve their conversation for meaningful topics. It's OK to be quiet.