my daughter just told me.....?

Question

that she will go and stay with her father or her sister if i was to move to a different area. i felt like that was a threat. she is only 14 and im still her mother. i dont know if she was joking or what. but i told her if she wants to do that then why wait go and do it now. i feel im the adult and if i decide to move to a better area its not up to her. so was i wrong for reacting that way. now she is in her room with a little attitude.

Answer 1

Mom??? J/K. My younger sister threatened my mother like that not too long ago, sister said she was going to move in with me or her dad. Well, I heard this and told her there was no way in hell I would put up with her crap and if she thought for one second that she would just move in with me she was sadly mistaken. If your daughter really feels that way, let her move in with sis or dad and see what that's all about. It sounds to me like it's just a threat, if and when it comes right down to it she's not going to move in with dad or sis. If that was a viable option, don't you think she would have done it by now? She's bluffing, call her bluff. If you want to move to a better area she needs to be adult enough to realize that you are making a decision that will better your life and hers, and at 14 she should be able to wrap her little self-absorbed head around that. You are still the adult in the relationship, she is the child and that's what she's acting like....a complete child. Maybe you can try to include her in choosing where you two will live if you want to try to reason with her that is. Sit down with her and tell her that you know she's upset about moving to a different area but you would really like her to go with you, blah, blah, blah, do the mom thing. Maybe if you level with her and speak to her like an adult she will realize that you're not doing this to like totally ruin her life and she will come to her senses. Good luck. God, I can't wait to have children! Hasn't anyone figured out how to skip right through those lovely teenage years? Alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol. I'm gonna make a great mom someday, don't ya think?

Answer 2

You are the adult.. but what you said was a bit childish. I think what she was trying to express to you with what she said was that she really feels strongly about staying close to where she's at probably because she has friends there and she feels she needs stability to continue to develop for these last 4 years until she reaches 18. What you did was doubly bad, as you first ignored her underlying concern which she was trying to express to you in the strongest terms she could,, and then with what you said to her you made her feel like you don't value her at all,, very, very bad actually. These big decisions are always best made by talking to everyone that is going to be effected. Remember,, she is 14,, going on 15 and doesn't sound like allot of trouble,, you should be a bit more grateful for that, at least,, she is not 5. I think a discussion is in order about a possible move, and perhaps an apology for being inconsiderate of her feelings. C.

Answer 3

You were wrong for reacting that way. Your reply was a childish as her demand. Remember, you are the Mom. It's not surprising she has an attitude.

First, you weren't clear on whether or not she was joking. Two, if she was serious, you should ask her why she felt like she did. You could have said, "I have the responsibility to do what's best for us, but I value your opinion. How do you feel about a possible move and why?" You're not committing to doing what she wants, you're letting her know the decision is up to her, yet want her thoughts.

Allow for a cooling off period, then go back and try to discuss it with her (calmly, like an adult) again.

Answer 4

im a teen and we over react about things we don't like. do you live by a lot of her friends? then that could be why she's feeling upset. maybe pushing her to go live w/ her dad wasn't the right move, but try calming explaining to her, even though it doesn't seem like it, this move is in both your best interests. she needs time to think this over, so give her space, but you are the adult and get to make executive decisions in the household. see if her dad or sister will help back you up on this. One more thing, let her know you love her, that can work wonders.

Answer 5

Maybe what you said was out of hurt and frustration over the situation. Just try to remember when you were 14. That was a difficult age for me and I would have had a fit if my parents had tried to move me out of my school at that age.

You are the adult and she is the child (even if she thinks she's grown). As long as this decision is best for both of you, don't let her run your life. She will get over it.

Good luck with your move! And I think you should talk to her like the adult she thinks she is. She will appreciate it even if she doesn't admit it.

Answer 6

No. She just likes it where she is and doesn't want to "start over." I felt this way when my family moved to another state. I threatened to stay with my dad, and my mom basically put me in my place by saying "Until you're 18, I'll make the decisions for you." And that was the end of that. Stand your ground, you're the mom.

Answer 7

I think the old tomate' was the wrong way to approach it. She would have to move with you, so you are right in saying she couldn't make the decision. Why the questions about moving? Maybe she is worried about losing her friends, or sister.

Answer 8

14 year old children cannot dictate where their parents live and should not even consider for a second threatening their parents!! You did the right thing but i think now you have a chat with her about why she doesn't want to move etc etc... you guys can figure it out together.. you don't have to be an Ogre and she doesn't have to be a cow!! Work together!! Explain your reasons for wanting to move etc...

Answer 9

I've said that to my mom before because parents don't really think before they decide things, we have our own life just like you guys have yours, everyone doesn't like change and we all don't adapt to it, so maybe you should try talking to her and founding out why she said that. she probably doesn't want to restart over, at 14 is the high point in your life we have friends and want to go threw alot of things together.So try and talk to her

Answer 10

remember how you felt when you were her age. everything seemed like a huge ordeal. she is thinking of herself alone and how a move will impact her life. that is what 14 year old girls do. my parents moved when i was her age and i reacted the same way. it is devestating for someone that age to think about having to initiate themselves into another peer group. it sucks being the new person...and leaving your friends.....