When are people going to stop judging working moms so harshly?

Question

I know this has been a very touchy subject here on Answers, but I am seeing people calling working moms who use daycare selfish and lazy. Some have even said that all moms could stay at home if they didn't live such extravagant lifestyles. That is so ignorant. Not every persons life is the same as anothers. I for one, dont work because I have an extravagant lifestyle. I work because after taxes, insurance, and child support, my husbands bring home would cover our house payment and the insurance, and maybe a couple of packs of diapers. Certainly not enough to cover groceries, car insurance, car payment, electricity, water, phone, clothes, etc. While there may be some women who could afford to stay at home, that is not true for every woman. We don't "DUMP" our kids in daycare. I personally use a private sitter. Why can't we just have respect for all moms, working or staying at home? We all love our kids, and we all deserve to be moms. Daycares do not raise our kids! We do!

Sorry for the rant, but it is just really insulting to see some of the people on here, saying that we all could stay at home if we wanted to. I would if I could, but like I said, my husbands income wouldn't cover our bills, and we certainly wouldn't have anything left over if our vehicle broke down and needed to be repaired, or we had a major plumbing leak, or GOD FORBID one of us was injured and we had to pay medical bills that were not covered by insurance. My brother makes good money and his wife stays at home, and I see how every month they are stuggling to make ends meet. Right now they don't even have insurance on their car, and have had their electricity cut off 2 times. I don't want to have my kids in that situation. And when we go to the store I don't want to have to tell my kids they can't have a $10.00 toy because "We can't afford it". I want better for my kids.

danskecat: Daycares do not raise my kids!!!! I raise my kids. Since my son gets on the school bus at 7:00 and gets home at 4:00 I guess that means that the school raises him too, huh? Don't judge till you walk a mile in someones shoes.

I don't take my daughter to daycare if I am not working. I never go to the store after work, as I go straight to the sitters to pick her up and she goes with me. I spend every single minute outside of work with my kids. I never go out with friends or family, unless my kids go with me. So NO, my daughters sitter is not raising her. No more than my sons school is raising him.

I think we all need to stop insulting working moms and also stop insulting stay at home moms, and be grateful that the children are being cared for and were not aborted or left in a dumpster somewhere. At least they have moms who love them and care for them.

Answer 1

You know I don't know why anyone would be so ignorant and say things like that about working moms. I am a working mom and you know what I have to work in order to provide for my daughter and myself. If I didn't work then what, I would be called lazy and irresponsible. People should be praising you for working so hard to maintain your household. Don't listen to those people, they are just ignorant with nothing better to do than to make themselves feel better by putting us down. We work because we love our children and we want to give them everything they need.

Answer 2

Human nature is to look at the extremes, and jump on it. It doesn't matter that 98 percent of working moms and 98 percent of stay at home moms are doing a helluva good job raising their children; people will always judge those who are different (ie. SAHM vs. Working moms and vice versa), and they will always look to the extreme examples.

SAHM hear all the time about how they're lazy and do nothing all day, how they should get a job, how NO ONE needs to spend that much time at home, and if a working mom can do it all AND work 40 hours a week, why can't they.

Working moms always hear about how they shouldn't have kids if they can't afford to stay home with them, how they have it easy since they dont' have the stress and strain of dealing with their kids all day long, how they'd rather have Coach handbags and Manolo Blahnik shoes instead of a relationship with their children.

Yeah. About 2 percent MAYBE fall into the above descriptors of "lazy, selfish, self-centered" etc. etc. The rest are trying to do the best they can based on their own family's needs and circumstances. But, people love to judge, and the more different your situation is from another person's, the more harshly they will judge you.

Personally, I think it would kill me to be at home all the time, not earning money, and not having an outside job. At the same time, I'm personally not comfortable leaving my child in daycare/with a sitter at her young age, so, I understand where both sides are coming from in their own defense, but I don't understand why people have to attack the other side.

Answer 3

I agree with you. When I tell friends from church that I work outside the home, I get this look. I can see the questions behind their eyes: "They must really be in debt! They can't handle their finances enough for her to stay home." The list goes on and on. I would love to stay home with my daughter, but I can't. We need two incomes to make ends meet. I don't live in a house. I have an apartment. I drive an 8 year old car that's paid for. I'm paying off credit card debt (not that much!) and a student loan. Nothing extravagant about that. Yet, one of my best friends has a house payment and a car payment and she's able to make it as a stay at home mom of 3 children. We all do what we need to.

I'm with everyone here who thinks people will always judge other people... no matter what. It's sad, but it's true.

Answer 4

Yes, but people also judge stay at home moms. I have had several people tell me I need to go out and get a job and put my kids in daycare. So why would I do that if I dont need to. They say this to me, because they dont understand how I can stay at home and be around my kids all the time and do nothing, but clean , cook, take the kids or, help with homework, etc., etc..I dont feel couped up in anyway. People who stay at home cant understand why other mothers work. I dont agree with dumping children in daycare. That doesnt mean all moms though. SOme have to work, who are single, or their husbands check dont cover enough amd that is fine. But I know there are people though that do just Dump their kids. My best friend does that. I dont agree with it at all. She never has her kids. When she gets them from daycare she drives them over to her moms so she can go out or just be at home alone..I think that is what some parents are talking about when they say that about some people leaving their kids in daycare. Maybe Im wrong. I guess she is what I envision when I think of daycare. But I know all the parents are not like that.

Answer 5

I am a stay at home mom. I feel blessed to be able to stay at home. I for one would never judge anyone for working. I don't judge people for working even if they want an extravagant lifestyle. It is their choice. Working parents are not bad people. They do the best they can and sometimes I feel that some working parents actually appreciate their children more. They do more with them because they can't be with them all of the time.

The people that judge you are obviously just uneducated and ignorant. They have no choice but to stay home because they can't get a job. Don't let ignorant fools make you angry. You are obviously a wonderful mother and you should be proud.

ETA: I just read St. Helena Woman's answer and she just proved my point. She views staying at home as work and she said that working parents don't have to deal with their kids. Sounds like a resentful mom to me. She sounds like she can't stand being around her kids. If I ever view staying at home as work, I will be the first one to get a job. I don't ever want to feel that way toward my kids.

Answer 6

You are right, this is a touch subject. But you are right, there are times, when one income just won't pay the bills. Sadly, more and more jobs are forcing mothers to go to work because they don't pay enough...like teachers! Sorry, my husband is a teacher, and yes, he doesn't make much. We have had to scrimp and worry because I had to quit my job when I got pregnant because I have been on bed-rest. I don't know how we are going to make it. My husband and I decided we aren't going to a daycare, but I do know the need is there. They have their purpose. It is sad that employers aren't paying enough or offering enough benefits that all moms could just stay home and be with their kids...I mean that is a full time job in and of itself! I don't know how some moms go to work and still come home and be wife and mom too...they must have amazing strength! I wish we could all stay home, but it just isn't possible...period! If you can stay home, you should be grateful you can, and yes some do just go to work 'cause they want to "get out" or to earn money so they can have a lavish lifestyle...but for the most part, it is because one income just doesn't pay the bills. Good luck to you! I am sorry you are getting so much 'judging...' it doesn't make your job any easier does it! Best of wishes!

Answer 7

I am a SAHM and I despise this also. I once was a working mom because I had to work to help provide for my family. I am now in a situation and have been for the past 3 years where I am able to stay home with my kids. But, next year, I will have to return to the workforce. It is rediculous to think that one is better than the other. I do believe that if you can stay home with your children and still have plenty of money, then you should. But, if you need to work to provide, then it is fine. And by provide, I mean a comfortable home, a reliable vehicle, money to buy clothes and take your kids to the movies, or zoo or buy them a toy. If you are doing what you really think is best for your children, then you have nothing to be ashamed of either way. who cares what other people think!

Answer 8

I think people are just judgemental in general and I really don't care what people think because it is not their babies or body it is the womens choice and formula is perfectly fine, maybe breast feeding is more natural and is a better but there are no MAJOR differences.. Its not like when you see a 10 year old you can tell if they were breast or bottle fed, you know? My son is 6 weeks old and for the first 3 days I tried breast feeding, than I decided to buy a pump and just pump, and it was just too stressful and uncomfortable it gave me major anxiety and once I started the formula It was such a relief.. just do what makes you comfortable the baby is getting all the nutirion they need in the formula so there is nothing wrong at all with it.

Answer 9

wow! i have been seeing these types of comments on here lately whats all the argument about? everyone needs to give it a rest i guess! i was a working mom for most of my life to support my kids being that i was a single teenage mother...i had to work overnight shifts so my parents could babysit, i had to live with my parents for a extended amount of time so i could afford to live, i had to do what i could...i am now a stay at home mom going on 9months for the first time ever and wow! i feel a little more productive in my kids lives but not a whole lot because i tried hard to be there even when i did work...staying at home is just as stressful in my opinion as going to work if not more so...but a woman with a child will do as she must in order to survive...not live lavish because in this day and age its damn near impossible to make enough money to do more then just get by...a female who is selfish and letting others raise her kids is going to do so no matter if she works out of the home or not period!!

Answer 10

Oh, honey, what ever we do, we are always going to be judged.
People who stay at home are accused of sponging off the taxes of workers, people who work are accused of having extravagant lifestyles and dumping children off in daycare.
There are always those who will be ignorant and judgmental, just as there will always be those who are having these judgments thrown at them. Then, there are the women who are called names for having children too early or late in life, or having too many children, or having children too close together or too far apart, or not having enough children.
Then, there are those slandered for bottle feeding, picked on for having a breastfeed only point of view, and those cursed for giving dummies, criticised for not allowing dummies....

Goodness, life would be so much easier if we all kept out of other peoples affairs, and only gave the advice that was asked for when it was requested.
You're right, we need to be more tolerant and respectful of other people's decisions and know that what works for our family doesn't work for others, so there are always going to be differences.